Oblivion

"Kellin wake the fuck up!" Justin whacked me with his pillow. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"What the hell?"

"Your interview is in an hour." My eyes widened, and I jumped out of bed.

I jumped in the shower and then got dressed. Once I was done, I skipped breakfast and headed out.

"Thanks!" I yelled to Justin before closing the door.

---

When I got to Starbucks, I went up to the counter and greeted Alena again. She told me he'd be out soon and told me good luck. I sat down and waited. My stomach was in knots. Wait...That'd be good in a song. I grabbed a pen off the table and wrote down what I said on my hand. Pretty soon, the owner came out.

"Hi, I'm Alex, are you Kellin Quinn?" I nodded, he must be the manager. He didn't look very old though.

"Okay, well I'm the manager here, so I need to ask you some questions." I just nodded again. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-one"

"Any previous jobs?"

"Nope," he looked up for a moment, then back down.

"Kellin, do you go to college?"

"I did, not anymore though."

"Why do you want to work here?"

"My parents kicked me out because I'm gay, I'm staying with my band member Justin, but I need a job so I can live in my own apartment or something." He nodded.

"Fair answer," he said simply. "How long do you plan on working, full time or part time?"

"Uh," I thought about it. "Well I'm not sure, I can work everyday except for Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have therapy in the evenings then."

"What's the therapy for?"

"He thinks I have obsessive compulsive disorder." He nodded again.

"Okay well, honestly, you're not very qualified...but I'm going to give you job because you need the money and this isn't a super hard job. You'll be taking orders and helping make the coffee or whatever the customers want. Alena will show you the ropes, she's done this a lot."

"Thank you so much sir." I said holding out my hand. He firmly grasped it and shook. We exchanged smiles and I headed to the counter. Wait...he didn't tell me when I started and how long I worked. I looked at Alena.

"Hey Alena? Do you know by chance how long I'll be working here?" She nodded.

"He said same as me. Ten a.m till five p.m everyday except Sundays and Tuesdays." I nodded. "Also, you start tomorrow." I smiled and thanked her before I left.

---

That night, I basically played video games with Justin. We decided once I got off work tomorrow that we should probably have practice. I texted Gabe and Jack. Eventually, they answered. Gabe's horrible about answering his phone.

"I got a new idea for a song," I told Justin casually. This isn't the first time I've come up with a "brilliant" song idea.

"What is it?"

"Stomach tied in knots, I was thinking about it in my interview. Also....when I was talking to my crush." God, I was pathetic.

"Ohhh," he said winking "Who's your crush?"

"Well....take a guess." I didn't want to come right out and say it.

"Um, your therapist?" I gaped at him.

"How'd you know so fast?" I said a little too loud.

"Shh quiet down, and I just assumed. I know your gay and he's one of the few guys you socialize with anymore."

"Yeah..." I knew what he was saying. I really haven't talked to any guys I've liked since Austin moved away. Honestly though, Austin wasn't the reason I didn't talk to any guys. It was just my self esteem and also I was heart broken for a long time after that. I'm not now of course.

"Well anyways, yeah it's him...I don't know something about him is just, it just makes me happy."

"Awhhh, the love," He said sarcastically. I poked my tongue out at him playfully.

"You're funny. But really, something about him. You two are the only one's who give a shit about me right now...thank you for that."

"That's what band buddies are for." I laughed. "Hey listen, it's Friday night, we shouldn't be sitting around playing video games. We should go out to a club or bar or something."

"Gay bar?" He rolled his eyes. I was just kidding. Sorta.

"No, silly, let's go to the bar downtown, I heard they have really good rum." Justin loves rum more than anything I swear.

I scoffed. "Fine, let's go." He nodded and I grabbed my phone. Justin drove us.

---

When we got to the bar, we were greeted by a pretty overweight body guard. Don't let his size fool you though. He may be obese, but he's strong. Before us, some kid tried to get in, obviously underage, so he kicked him out.

Pretty soon, we were next, but of course we weren't kicked out. I'm twenty-one and Justin's twenty-two. Inside, there was the bars, pool tables, and really loud music. It was pretty crowded.

Justin led me to some open seats. He ordered some rum, while I just got a bud light. When our drinks were served, Justin basically chugged it. He's a way bigger drinker than I ever was.

"C'mon Kells, man up, drink some." I smiled. Maybe I should.

Maybe, the alcohol would drown my sorrows and I'd feel good for once. Ever since my parents kicked me out and said I was a disappointment, I've never been super happy. Just grateful. But hey, sometimes you gotta say fuck it. This was my time to do just that. I ordered another beer and drank it way faster. Justin patted my back.

"There ya go," He said loudly, you could tell he was already drunk.

I'm going to have such a big hangover tomorrow.

Again, three beers now, I chugged again and again. I had to pee, but I held it.

An hour later, I was drunk as fuck. I threw up in the bathroom after I peed and then stumbled out of the bathroom to find Justin dancing with some chick who must've been a pole dancer.

I smiled and sat back down at the bar. Dizziness was overcoming me, I needed a second. The bad thing here was, there was no gay guys here, so I was kinda alone in my own, drunk, world.

Pretty soon, after another round of shots, I turned around and bumped into someone.

"Sorry..." I muttered. I was slurring pretty bad by now, you can assume.

I looked up, wait no, down a little to meet a pair of brown eyes. I knew even though I was drunk, who's they were. Vic's.

"Hey," he said. Well this is awkward.

"H-hey," I said, slurring.

"Are you drunk?" I was losing interest in this conversation. All I wanted to do was kiss him by now.

"Maybe, maybe not...come with me to find out." I winked at him.

"Kellin, you're drunk, I'm not going anywhere with you." I pouted.

"C'mon Viccy, I know you want this." I pointed to myself and stepped forward a little. He stepped back.

"Maybe I do, but we can't do this...it's wrong."

"Wrong as hell, but it's still worth it right?"

"Wrong," I pouted again.

"You're no fun sober," He rolled his eyes.

"You're no fun drunk." He replied.

"Touche." I winked again, only to get his "Stern face." "Loosen up Vic, do what you want, this isn't one of our therapy sessions." I said casually, stepping forward. This time, he didn't step back.

I put my hand on his arm and immediately, he tensed up. I moved it down to his side. My other hand was placed on his shoulder. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

"There ya go," I said, my fingers tracing his arm. My fingers made their way down to his hand, which was stiff also. I laced my fingers with his. He clutched my hand. I slid my other arm around his neck. For a moment, he did nothing, but eventually his arm went around my waist. It was really happening. I took my hand away from his and wrapped in around his neck. We were dancing. Man, this felt amazing. We took small steps as I pressed my body against his, squeezing out any room left between us. I put my head in the crook of his neck and kissed him. He leaned a little, allowing me to kiss the spot. I moved to his cheek, and finally right before his lips. We brushed each other multiple times before Vic must've snapped into reality. He pushed me away a little, but just as quickly pulled me back. It was like he couldn't make up his mind.

"Come on Vic, kiss me already." He pulled me closer, his mouth by my ear.

"What you're doing to me...it's torture. I can't handle myself with you right now. You have no idea..." He whispered quietly pulling away from me. I shivered a little. He walked out of the bar and left me there on the floor by myself, once again.

---

"Oh my god," I practically yelled when I awoke the next morning. My head was pounding and I was really dizzy. I honestly have no idea how I got home last night. I don't think Justin or I drove, maybe someone Justin knew.

I sat up slowly and gripped my forehead. It felt like all the blood was in my head. I pushed myself out of bed practically and went into the bathroom. I looked like shit. And the best part is, I had to go to work in an hour. I didn't feel like showering today, so I skipping that. My hair was a knotted mess, so it took quite some time to get it the way I wanted it. I brushed my teeth, skipping breakfast again. I got dressed and headed out again. The best way to start your new job is definitely with a hangover.

---

For once in my life, something went good for me. My first day was really just training, which I picked up pretty fast. My hangover went away after awhile, so I started to work a little harder. I wanted to make a good impression. The only part I had some issues with was finding the ingredients for some things. Even then though, Alena helped me so it wasn't that bad. When I left, I felt accomplished, knowing I did something useful for once in my life.

"Hey Kellin," Alena said when I was about to leave.

"Yeah?"

"Do you wanna go to the bar or something?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I shouldn't, I went last night and I don't feel too good." It wasn't a lie really. But I felt bad for declining the offer.

"It's okay, another time maybe?"

"Yeah, sure," she smiled as I left.

When I got home that evening, I bagged out on the couch. My plan was to come home and clean, but I guess I never realized how exhausting work truly is. I'd clean later probably. For now, I needed a little break, just for myself. I didn't want alcohol or anything, I just wanted to lay down and think about things.

I couldn't really remember much that happened last night, except for the part about Vic and I. I remember what he said, what we did, and how foolish I was being. Vic would never want me. But then again, didn't say he did? I don't know, it's all a blur. I flipped myself over on the couch.

Justin came home a little later. "You okay?" He asked, sitting in the chair.

"Yeah, just tired."

"Still doing practice?" Shit. I forgot all about it.

"Uh, yeah," I didn't want to let them down.

About a half hour later, Gabe and Jack were here with their equipment. We set up in the garage. My microphone head fell off, so I had to super glue it back in place. After many minor issues were fixed, we started.

"I think we should start practicing on Let's Cheers To This, we need work on that one." Gabe said. Jack nodded in agreement. So that's what we did.

"This is my life, I've got the whole world in front me, I'm not letting go till....Stop, stop, something isn't right."

"Yeah, I just broke a string," Justin said. He fixed it.

"Chorus?" I nodded. We started again.

And that's basically how our practices go. There's always a lot of errors, but I guess that's how you get better. I would've mentioned my song, but it wasn't done yet, this is what I have so far.

Oh, my stomach's tied in knots
I'm afraid of what I'll find if you want to talk tonight
Oooo Oooo
See the problem isn't you it's me I know
I can tell, I've seen it time after time
And I'll push you away (oh)
I guess you're afraid, oh no

And I can't live without you now
Oh-oh
I can't even live with myself?
Oh-oh-oh
And I can't l live without you now
Whoa-oh
And I don't want nobody else
Whoa-oh-oh

So far, I think it's pretty good, better than some of the others I've written for sure.

---

I didn't work on Sunday, but work on Monday went pretty good. Today was kind of slow, but I guess it's still paying.

Now I have to go to therapy, great. This is going to be so awkward. Maybe I should just skip. I didn't want to deal with the awkward silences and all that lovely shit.

I texted Jack, he'd tell me what to do.

"Hey Jack, should I go to therapy even though I almost kissed Mr. Fuentes last night and umm, did awkward...things." I sent, sliding my phone back into my pocket afterwards. About five minutes later he replied

"Ew Kellin, didn't need to know that, but yeah you should. Don't be a dick to him, just go and tough it out." I sighed. I was really hoping he wouldn't say that.

"Ugh...fine, you know best." I bet he'd smile at that. But it was true, he always had the answers.

---

"Can I come in?" I asked Vic, standing outside the door.

"Uh, yeah." He opened the door wide enough for me to fit, but also to stay a good distance from him. I sat down on the couch. Instead of sitting with me, he sat in the chair. Back to square one.

"So, did you have any more break outs?" He asked.

"Not since the one with you."

"I feel like the only thing that's going to help is if we get everything off our chests and maybe get you a prescription." I nodded.

"Well, the thing is, I don't want to get everything off my chest. No offense, but you aren't one of the few people I want to talk to right now." He looked a little hurt.

"I see, well..." He sat the stuff down. "Maybe we should, discuss Friday-"

"I don't want to." I said, interrupting him

"We have to Kellin, I won't feel good until we do. Neither will you." I argued again.

"Who cares? I was drunk, I was stupid. It, it doesn't matter," I sat back a little.

"It does matter Kellin! Do you think, drunk or not, that it didn't matter?"

"Well, it would if I was sober." He scoffed.

"Kellin, it fucking matters. I can't do the same things I do because of Friday night." I was taken back by his language. I didn't think he'd cuss during his meetings, after he strictly told me not to.

"Is that a good thing?" I smirked.

He thought about it. "I don't know Kellin, I feel different."

"Whoa, when did I become the therapist?"

"We just need to talk about this." I sighed.

"Fine, fine whatever...ask away."

"I don't have questions, I mean can't you have a decent conversation?"

"I guess, I'm probably shitty at it though." He smiled a little.

"Okay so, I don't know about you, but when you...you."

"Seduced?" He looked up.

"Yeah okay, when you seduced me, I almost gave in. But my senses kicked in. How did you feel about it?"

"Good, I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty attracted to you." I smirked again. He rolled his eyes.

"It can't happen Kellin, I'm your therapist. If it happened we'd probably just-"

"Sit around and make-out or have sex during the meetings?" I already knew he was going to say that. He looked uncomfortable now. "Sorry," I muttered.

"It's okay, you're right."

"But what's wrong with it Vic? I mean, I'd be happy, you'd be happy. Problem solved!" I threw my hands up.

"No, the problem wouldn't be better, you'd be hiding the problems under the pleasure."

"Well yeah, but who cares?"

"I do," he said kind of loud.

"Whoa, calm yourself, we won't hook up." No promises.

"Thank you, it's just good I got that off my chest."

"I still got stuff on my chest though."

"Like what."

"The thought of banging you." He blushed a little, earning a smirk from me.

"The language needs to end now, the just talking session is done."

"Ugh, fine. Ruin the fun."

"Tell me about you and Jenna now."

"We haven't talked for three weeks or so, I guess she doesn't need me."

"Your band?"

"We're fine, even though we lost our guitarist Jesse a little while ago."

"Family?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"C'mon Kellin."

"We still haven't talked because my parents still think I'm a fuck up."

"You're not a fuck up Kellin."

"Yeah okay, whatever." I muttered. Why should I believe him?

He just said we can't be together, yet he's trying to tell me he cares for me. It's all a bunch of bullshit.

"I want you to know, I mean that Kellin." There was a look of promise written in his eyes.

"I believe you," I said before I could catch myself saying it. For once, I was at lost for words. I didn't mean to say that. But now that I think about it, I kind of do believe him.

Vic didn't seem like the type of guy to lie about his feelings, considering he's a therapist.

"Good," he said with a small smile. I felt a little better. But it still made me a little mad that he'd ruin our chances together for such a stupid reason. Then again, did we even have a chance?

We finished the meeting with him giving me a note.

"Tell your doctor about it, you need a medication Kellin." He said.

"Yeah yeah I will," I said snatching the paper.

"I'm serious Kellin."

"Chill, I'm going to get the medicine."

"Good," he smiled, accomplished. In a way he is. It takes a lot to get me on the same page sometimes. I waved and left, still disappointed. After we talked about Friday night, it made me want him even more. Why can't I stop myself?