Oblivion

The pills still taste like shit. I had to chug it down this morning before work with milk, which I usually don't like to drink.

Work was a disaster, I spilled some guys drink and also, one of our machines malfunctioned. Alex sent me home early, which wasn't really my fault, but it cut my pay for the day. Why is it whenever I asked for good I get the worst. Literally, the worst. Alena looked kind of sorry for me when I left early, but I was perfectly fine with it, well, all except the money part.

My eye is still a little bruised, but thankfully the ice helped, so it's not as bad as it could've been. i still haven't got Vic's number, but I'm contemplating if I should go over there and get it. Just for...emergencies or whatever.

For lunch, I ate a ham sandwich because Justin finally got off his lazy ass and went to the store. You can assume, I'm pretty proud. It takes a lot of motivation to make Justin want to do something. Then again, he probably did it so he just wouldn't starve himself.

Honestly, the sandwich wasn't very fulfilling, but I wasn't going to be the one to complain.

I went outside to the garage and found one of Justin's old bikes. There was a black one, still in tact, that fit me almost perfectly. i couldn't walk to Vic's on foot, so I might as well use a bike. I got on and headed to Vic's.

"Kellin? What're you doing here?" Vic said, opening the door a little wider. I walked in, not even waiting for an offer.

"I need your number." he looked confused, but gave me his phone. I typed in his number. "Thanks."

"Why do you need my number?"

"So I can send you porn." I said casually, hiding back my laugh. He rolled his eyes.

"Anything to talk about?" He said, taking a seat next to me.

"Yeah, my eye hurts, can I see yours again, you know...just to make sure mines normal and all." i gave him a look of innocence right before he shook his head.

"Nice try, but we can't do that."

"Sure we can, do whatever you want." it slipped out of my mouth as I put my hand on his calf. He looked at it uncomfortably, but he didn't push it away. I smiled a little. He was definitely enjoying this. I slid over another inch.

"Kellin...." I put my finger to his lips and gave him a wicked grin.

"Shh," I whispered, grabbing his arm and putting it around me. I snuggled up against his arm. He sighed defeat.

"Can't you make my life easy?"

"Nope." We both smiled a little. I turned to face him, my fingers laced with his. I trailed his collar bone with kisses.

"Please stop."

"Are you sure?" I said slowly, pulling away a little more each second. He seemed unsure.

"Are you really going to stop?" I shook my head. He sighed.

"Then no, I'm not sure." I smiled and leaned back in, now moving up to his neck. He let out a little sigh. I bit his ear a little, then kissed it. Then his cheek. Honestly, if I wanted to, I could move in right now and kiss him. Right here, right now. But I hesitated. I felt like I shouldn't do it. I wanted him to do it. So I sat there and looked at him for a little.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked.

"You don't like this." I said, getting off of him.

"When did I say that."

"You didn't, I can just tell." Quickly, and angrily, I grabbed my bag and headed for the door. He didn't care and was only letting me do what I wanted so I'd stop in the future. He didn't care, like I always knew he didn't.

"Kellin, I didn-"

"Shut up! It doesn't matter, I'll see you Tuesday," I said, my hand on the door knob. What happened next was honestly the biggest blur of my life.

Vic's firm grasp gripped my wrist. He moved it from the knob and turned me toward him. I moved back, hitting the door. He moved forward, sliding his hand effortlessly behind my neck, supporting me. He leaned in fast and kissed me. Exactly what I wanted. When reality hit me, I quickly kissed him back. Our rhythm matched and it felt amazing. I relaxed and let myself fall against him. I didn't care. All the shit I went through at home, my mom hating me, my family disappointed in me, Jenna ditching me, Austin leaving for college, all of it, it didn't matter. All of it lead to this moment, right here.

We held the kiss for quite a bit of time before he eventually pulled back. His heart was beating hard and fast, like mine was. Vic looked happy for a moment, but then a little disappointed in himself. I couldn't see the problem really.

"This...this is exactly what wasn't supposed to happen," He said angrily. With a thud, he sat in the chair and rubbed him eyes. His arm smacked a magazine, sending it across the room. I was a little taken back by his anger.

"It's okay Vic, it doesn't have to happen again. And I won't let it affect or sessions." I said, sitting on the arm of the chair, rubbing his arm. He looked up at me.

"That's not the problem."

"Then what is?" He wasn't making any sense.

"Jaime and I...we have a thing. I didn't want to screw it up, but now I have. I'm sorry Kellin, I just don't know what happened. I lost control, I'm sorry."

"Vic...I didn't know you and Jaime had a thing. If I would've known, I would've never said or did some of the things I did. I should be the sorry one." I moved to the couch. The moment was ruined. He had a boyfriend that wasn't me.

"I guess, it's fine....but I feel bad because, well honestly, three fourths of myself is longing to have you right now. It sounds kind of creepy, but it's true. I don't even know what Jaime and I really have, but I feel so bad, hurting him this way." I knew exactly what he was saying. This exact same happened to me with Katelynn.

"You don't have to tell him it happened." I said, messing with my fingers.

"True, but I'm an honest guy, it'd be hard not to." I nodded.

"Okay well, I better go then. See you soon." I stood up, so did he. He walked right up to me and kissed me again. "Vic what the fuck." I said pulling away.

"I can't help it, I've caved in. I want you, probably more than anything, remember that." He kissed my cheek. I had butterflies in my stomach. Finally, someone wanted me. I kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck, holding him close. His hand ran through my hair, but I didn't mind. When we pulled away, I smiled and left.

That was more fun then I thought it was going to be. But it was sweet also. It wasn't sleazy or just bullshit. But now what? After kissing him I was kind of confused on what we were. Were we friends, boyfriends, friends with benefits? I don't know, I guess we'll have to straighten that out. I'm pleading it's boyfriends, but him and Jaime are a thing, and I don't want to be a burden in that. Especially after how nice Jaime has been to me.

When I got, I realized I had work in a half hour. I was at Vic's longer than I meant to be. Justin was gone, so I'd have to walk. Heading out, I grabbed my water bottle and phone.

Today, Starbucks was pretty packed. I took a bunch of orders and probably screwed up a lot of them. But I didn't care, my main priority was Vic right now. I couldn't stop thinking about him. My thoughts were over taking me. All I wanted right now was lips on mine again. It's nuts, I know.

But hasn't everyone had a point in their life where they feel like shit and then there's that one person who just swoops in a saves the day? Well, I hope we all have, because I know I sure have. All the bullshit in this life just went away, all it took was this one guy who's helping me with my problems. And I can't be more grateful for that.

After closing time came around, I walked home, in no hurry. I tend to walk kind of slow on purpose. Just to have time to myself. I like the think about things a lot, don't I?

Pretty soon a car rolled by, inside was Vic.

"Vic? What're you doing here?" I said, moving towards the window.

"Get in, I'm taking you somewhere." I smiled slyly and moved towards the passengers side. When inside, he put the car in motion, and we headed West.

"Where are you taking me?" I said, nudging his arm. He smirked.

"You'll see, you're the nosy one now." I laughed. It felt so good being this close to him again.

A few minutes later, he pulled into a gravel road off the main that must've led to the bay. And not bay as in beach bay, like...the lake. We live in Missouri.

"Why are we here?" I asked, but he ignored the questions and got out of the car. He opened the back and pulled some stuff out.

"I thought we could just hang out here."

I winked. "Yeah...sure, hang." He rolled his eyes. "So is like a date?" He popped champagne. "Never mind." It is. I gotta admit, this was pretty sweet. He poured some champagne into my glass and I cheered him.

I then proceeded to help him make a small fire and lay down a blanket. Then, we sat across from each other. We drank our champagne and ate sandwiches he said he made earlier today. When I finished, I threw my trash in the bag he had brought it in and took my phone out of my back pocket, tossing to the other side of the blanket. I didn't want to break it or anything.

We talked for a long time, just laughing at each others stories. I told him about when I was little I'd steal my moms eyeliner and put it on and how I'm a pro at eyeliner now, while he told me about how he used to steal books from the library because the lady never let him check them out.

"Ooh, such a rebel," I teased, with a small smile. I was having a blast. It was just so relaxed and distressful. After our conversations ended, I started a new one.

"Okay well, you had your fun. We exchanged stupid stories, ate and drank by a fire, now let's do my fun."

"Mhm, what's that?" I scooted over against him and pushed him down. He laughed a little. I laid down on him, so our hearts were right on each other. He leaned in and kissed me, lightly, but pretty soon, longer and harder. I trailed my hands through his head and arms. He did the same. This was fucking amazing. Pretty soon, I got the courage to grind on him, which felt really good, but he looked a little nervous.

"Kellin...not to rain on your parade, but I don't feel it's appropriate to have sex in public, especially because we aren't a couple." He said, pulling away from our kiss.

"Then what are we?" It was a natural question, I wanted to know.

"I don't know....I really like you, I want to be with you but-"

"Yeah, Jaime....can't you break up with him?" It sounded rude, but I couldn't help it. I wanted him.

"Well, yeah...but I feel things would be awkward, roommates and all."

"It's be fine," I said, kissing him lightly. That sealed the deal.

"Fine...but I still feel like a dick."

"Yeah, yeah, can we have sex now?" I said, teasing him. He was half heartedly hard.

"Hold yourself, we aren't doing anything until I'm single." He said simply, though he continued to kiss me. He sat up, with myself on his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck, his around my waist. And we stayed like that for a long time, basically hugging and occasionally kissing. Then I realized something.

"Wait, wait. You never said that we wouldn't have sex? Is that because you want to?" He seemed really frustrated.

"I don't know...something about you intrigues me. I mean, look at you...you're so cute." I blushed.

"No stop, you're not suppose to make me blush," I said with a cheesy grin. He kissed me again.

"Sorry, sorry."

"So...we can?"

He groaned. "Maybe, depends." That did it for me. I usually am not into the whole sex thing, but I was definitely wanting to with him. Him only of course. I pushed him down again and started kissing him harder this time. Even though we couldn't have sex now, I wanted to get close to it.

I grinded against him, making us both hard. He groaned a little. We kissed more, and I swear it was the best moment of my life. I hope it was for him too. When I stopped he sighed.

"See what you do to me Quinn?" I laughed, standing up. It was getting late. Justin would wonder where I've been.

After we put our stuff back in the car, Vic drove me back home. I kissed him one final time, then went inside, closing the door quietly behind me. Turns out, it didn't matter, Justin was still up.

"Where were you?"

"Somewhere," I couldn't help but to smile.

"Ah, I get it," He winked, causing me to blush. What was up with me tonight?

"Nothing happened," I said defensively. Unless you count kissing and grinding, then I was telling the truth.

"Hmm...okay." He winked again and left the room. I scoffed.

---

After watching TV for half the night because I wasn't tired and just wanted to think about this evening, I finally got kind of sleepy, so I went to bed. The lights were already off, Justin must've gone to bed already. Climbing into bed, I took off my shirt and jeans off, then fell asleep.

---

"Kellin, where's the small caramel Capuchin with soy milk?" Alena shouted at me over the coffee maker.

"It's on the counter, over there." I pointed across the kitchen. She nodded and gave the customer the Capuchin. Morning's and afternoon's are the busiest times for us. I don't know how people afford to buy this over priced coffee everyday. Because it is not cheap at all.

Right now, I'm making decent money, good enough to have my own place with. My life's been going great the last week. I mean I got Vic, a job, my band, money....I really couldn't ask for more. I was finally happy again. Turns out, I didn't need Jenna or my family, it's not like they cared anyways. Well, possibly Jenna does, but it wasn't fair of her to leave me because of my illness. It wasn't my fault in the first place.

I wondered how Jenna was doing without me. Part of me was hoping she was happy and living her life to the best, but a bigger, darker, part of me was wishing she was upset and missed me. For once, I wanted someone else to grieve rather than me. It sounds selfish, but I think I deserve it because up until now nothing was ever about me. I didn't matter to anyone. So what I'm saying is, I think it's time I got to step out into the light for once. This is finally my big break, and I'm so happy that it finally came around.

---

My phone went off when I got home that evening. And guess who it was...the one and only Jenna. How ironic. I picked up and answered.

"Hello?"

"Kellin?" She said quietly.

"Yeah?" I said, smiling a little.

"I just wondered if we could talk sometime soon..." I rolled my eyes. She told me to talk to her when I was okay. I'm better than okay now of course, but I have no intentions on meeting up and talking about things.

"Yeah I uh, I have work and stuff." I said, putting the phone in the crook of my neck.

"Oh...when are you off?"

"Listen Jenna, I gotta go....Justin and I are going to start practice soon." Silence. I hung the phone up.

I'll admit, I felt like a dick. But Jenna did it to me, so I had a right to that, didn't I? Well..maybe not. My mom would be disappointed in me. Wait...she already is.
And her opinion didn't matter. Basically, I was just defending myself. And whats that you may ask? Everyone. My whole people gave me shit because I was gay, I listened to "satanic" music and ten thousand other things. I'm just done with the world's shit. It's time everyone got a piece of their own medicine. Speaking of medicine...

Oh shit!

I forgot to take it this morning, and last night. Shit, Vic's going to be so pissed.

I hurried into the bathroom and got a pill and some water. I don't know if it'll help, but I might as well give it a shot.

---

Two hours later, I was really tired. One of side effects was drowsiness, so I laid down and fell asleep. When I woke up, it was two am and I wasn't even tired anymore. I must've fell asleep earlier than I thought. Justin was passed out in bed. I got up, quickly, but also soundlessly and snuck out into the living room. I knew where I wanted to be right now.

Since I was still dressed, I got Justin's keys and left the door, making sure not to slam it. Vic's was a little bit away, but it was worth it.

When I got there, I knocked. It was almost three, but I didn't care. I just wanted to see him. And sure enough, he answered the door.

"Kellin...?" He said groggily.

"Hi, can I come in?"

"Uh...why are you here?" He said after yawning.

"I just wanted to see you."

"It's still not safe you know, I haven't told Jaime yet. Plus he's upstairs in bed."

"I don't care," I replied, walking in a sitting on the couch. He sat down too.

"So...there's no particular reason why you're here?" I shook my hand, scooting towards him.

"Kellin, you should go...you'll be here tomorrow." I kissed his neck. "Please...go." I sighed.

"Yeah, fine..." I drove a half hour for this? We got up. He obviously knew I was kind of upset. He took my hand and pulled me in, kissing my slightly above the bridge of my nose. I then proceeded to kiss him. That made it a little better. I said bye with a smile and went home.

Now all I had to think about was....what's therapy going to be like now?