Bleachless

My body was Toxin. I was a poisonous substance that was stuck inside a body created, and the more time I spent wandering around, the more dangerous I became. These toxins will never leave me alone, not until I'm gone. And right now, I was infected as ever.

The blade laid by me on the bed, mocking me constantly. I get it, I'm a horrible human being. I've got nothing to live for, I've established that! I only need to wait six more days. Six more days and all this bullshit would be over forever and I'd go someplace new. I have no clue where I'm going, but it's going to be better than here, anything's better than this.

And when I die, these toxin's will leave me and go to infect the next victim. I hate to say that's how this works, but it is. And as long as my suffering is over, I can't care about what happens to the next man in line.

So with a few uneasy feelings in my stomach, I grabbed the blade, retrieving it so we weren't alone anymore. I thought about things, holding the sharp metal before my wrist. Did I have a reason to do this?

Honestly, no, not now of course. My life has been pretty good actually, just since I met Kellin. I've been so preoccupied with seeing him that I wasn't around to deal with Mike and my parent's. School today was pretty slick, not good not bad. Kellin and I ate lunch in the basement, and for once in my life I actually finished my meal. I always thought it'd never happen, but it did. Kellin was making things harder than they needed to be.

So after realizing the slim amount of reasons weren't enough, I put the blade back it's container, safe and sound.

"Sorry..." I muttered, more to myself rather than the blades. My body was aching for it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Ironic isn't it? One day, I can't do anything but slit my wrists, and the next I can only stay away. And in all honesty, I can't tell which I liked better. I like being happy. But not super happy, no, I don't deserve this. Life happiness just isn't what I deserve, no matter how many times the public says it is. People put you in a special position because of your actions, and that's what I hate.

I walked out the front door, careless that it was past my curfew. My parents were asleep, so it's not like it mattered anyways.

The street was dead, only the lights illuminated the sidewalks and pavement. My head rotated, looking at all the different houses here. My neighborhood is pretty clean, that is, excluding Mike and his girlfriend. You never hear much about crimes or drugs, it's just nice. I feel safe here, even though I know I'm not.

Pulling my hood up, I snuggled down into my hoodie and sweatpants. It gets pretty chilly this time of year. My feet trudged across the grass, heading towards the park. I just needed to be alone, and not just in my room. I mean alone, isolated from everyone more so than the ordinary. No one would be here this late right? We had school tomorrow, but I didn't care, I was going to skip.

I approached the familiar park bench, so I took a seat and let out a huff. My legs stretched out as I laid down , resting my head on the arm of the bench. I looked up at the clear, black sky. The stars were out tonight, which was weird. Usually it's cloudy. the moon shimmered, revealing to be a waxing crescent. A smile crept on my lips. Why couldn't the whole world be like this?

It's so beautiful and calm, but this is only the sky. And the sky isn't part of this world, it's apart of everything else. This world is ugly, but it's deceiving everyone. With it's beautiful attractions and appearance, anyone can think 'Oh what a wonderful world' but this world is far from wonderful. Unless you consider crimes, depression, and many more things wonderful.

"Having fun there?" A familiar voice said from behind me. I jumped, smacking my head on the bench's back.

"Ow, ow," I muttered, clutching my head that was probably swelling.

"Sorry, I...sorry," The man said again. I let go of my head and looked to meet the apologetic looks of the one and only Kellin Quinn.

"Kellin, I'd like to know why and how you show up at the exact same places as I do at the most peculiar times, seriously."

"Well, I was gonna break in and kidnap you, but I saw you leave while I was in the tree. I just followed you here." He smirked at me before sitting down. I rolled my eyes.

"Well you could've caught up with me, not stalk me." He nudged my side.

"You know it's no fun that way." I shrugged.

"So why were you coming over?"

"I just wanted to talk to you. You're the only one I trust with this information." I nodded. "Okay well, I guess you're going to see my normal side now," He added nervously. The enthusiasm in his voice dropped and met a tone much, much like mine. "I did it again..." He didn't need to explain.

"Why this time?" I placed my hand on his back. He looked up, and I could tell he was going to cry.

"My...my dad h-he. He did the unforgivable..." He said through tightened breaths.

"What? What's that?" Kellin shook his head and stood up. Carefully his undid his pants and I was a little taken back. Why was he undressing? I soon realized what he was doing when he tugged his waistband down a little to reveal bruises, many of them.

"H-he-"

"Abused you?" He nodded. "Like beating you?" Kellin then shook his head. "Then what?"

"He...he molested me," He admitted, now sobbing into his hoodies sleeve. Was this true?

"Oh my god Kellin, are you alright?" He shook his head quickly. I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around his shaking figure and pull him close.

His sobs were uncontrollable and uneven, but that didn't matter. He was hurt, so much worse than I ever was. Here I was, complaining about everything that happens to me, when Kellin is getting sexually abused. how selfish am I?

"Shh, it's alright," I whispered to him softly.

"No, no it's not. I-I can't live like this."

"I know, it's going to be okay Kellin." Kellin leaned back on my shoulder and continued to cry, so I just sat there. It was the least I could do for him right now.

Ten minutes later, Kellin started to calm down, so I let go of him and pulled him up with me.

"Come home with me," I stated, grabbing his hand and pulling him off with me.

"A-are you sure? What if you get caught?" He questioned, wiping at his eyes.

"Who cares, you can't go home like this. Why haven't you told your mom?"

"She's too scared to face him. He's s-so horrible, but he's the reason we're not on the streets..." I nodded, understanding where he was coming from.

Kellin walked slowly behind me, following me up the porch and through the front door. I shut the door slowly and quietly, avoiding the annoying creaking noise it makes sometimes. Motioning Kellin to follow, I headed up the stairs and into my room. Kellin entered a few minutes later.

"Thank you for letting me come here," He said after taking a seat on the edge of my bed. I locked the door and shut the blinds, just in case my parents wanted to intrude. They never do though.

"Shh, it's okay, let's just go to sleep," I whispered to him, sliding onto the bed.

"Okay well, I'll be down here,." He pointed to the floor.

"No way, get up here." He smiled at me before getting back onto my bed. I crawled under the sheets and snuggled against my pillow, watching Kellin do the same to the left of me. He then smiled at me. I felt awkward, yet slackened, pressed between my warm sheets.

Kellin's eyes closed after a few minutes and I let out a relieved sigh. Being so close to someone like this was new to me, and I didn't know what to do. Part of me just wanted to be like this, but part of me wanted to be closer. All I wanted to do was roll over against Kellin and see him smile at me again. Because his smile was the only thing I was hanging on for anymore. So, I did just that.

My figure rolled to my left slightly, causing my leg to hit Kellin's. His eyes opened to meet mine two inches closer.

"Closer are we?" He said, so I just smiled. "It's okay, I like it too." And before I could comprehend what was happening, Kellin's fingers laced with mine and pulled me close against him. I let out a small sigh and rested my head by his chin. It was comfortable, but awkward at the same time.

"Are you uncomfortable?" I asked him after a few silent moments passed. I pulled away to look at him, trying to read his expression. Kellin opened his eyes again and smiled brightly at me. The gap between us was then closed as Kellin's lips met mine. His touch was gentle, letting me know he wasn't trying to get at anything. But boy, was he. He was getting at me.

A few moments were shared before he pulled back and mouthed a no. I just nodded before snuggling in under him again. I could've sworn this would've been so much more awkward after we kissed, but it wasn't. In fact I felt even more comfortable.

So I lay there, thinking about the past four days I've known Kellin. Here he was, a struggling individual who was relatable to me. This is not how I imagined my last days here, and it probably goes the same for him. Kellin then began to snore quietly, and usually I find snoring annoying, but his wasn't. In fact his was kinda cute.

So with a bittersweet smile, I closed my eyes and drifted off with Kellin's warm body pressed against mine.