Ineffable Plan

“Hey, Phin! Look at this bitchin’ coffee mug I made.”

I dropped my bag at the door as I walked into the suite and headed towards the kitchen. Phin was standing with a beer in his hand and a smug smile on his face.

“What’s going on?”

His smile grew wider as he looked towards Mary’s room.

“What is she doing now?” I asked referring to the newly hung wooden cross attached to her bedroom door.

“She’s taken more precautions against you. That’s all. A girl has got to protect herself,” Phin answered. His smile was now bigger than ever. “She had it blessed.”

I sighed and plopped down onto one of the kitchen stools. “Is this ever going to stop?”

Phin shrugged and just continued to drink his beer. A few minutes later Mary’s door opened and she came walking into the kitchen. She was now adorning what had to be a silver necklace with a silver cross pendant and a set of rosary beads around her neck. I assumed that those, too, had been blessed.

As she walked past me, I breathed in the very distinct smell of garlic.

“You stink.”

She whirled around to look at me. She was surprised. She hadn’t even noticed I was there. It’s a good thing I wasn’t trying to kill her.

“By the way, you’re not supposed to wear rosary beads like jewelry. I’m pretty sure it’s sacrilegious.”

She glared. “At least I’ll be protected from you.”

I began to play dangerously with a knife that was on the kitchen counter. “If I wanted to hurt you, crosses and garlic wouldn’t stop me,” I growled. She involuntarily took a step backward and grasped at the cross around her neck.

“Do you really think I’m a vampire?” I asked, genuinely interested.

She granted a cautious “yes.”

“Why? What about me screams ‘vampire’?” I grazed the knife lightly down my arm.

She glanced over at Phin who looked interested, too, but not afraid or worried. I guess it gave her courage because she relaxed a little.

“Your teeth for one, you’ve got fangs.”

I noticed Phin stifle a laugh and I tried to discreetly signal him to at least act serious.

“I admit, my canines might be a bit bigger than normal but they’re hardly fangs.”

“You’ve got heightened senses.”

I looked at her quizzically.

“When people knock things off tables you always manage to catch it before it hits the floor.”

“Good reflexes,” I retorted.

“Your eyesight is beyond perfect.”

“I love carrots. I’ve heard they’re good for your vision.”

“You can hear the stupid ID card reader click when someone enters the suite.”

“Everyone can, Mary. It’s not that quiet.”

“You can hear it from your bedroom with the door closed!”

I rolled my eyes.

“And your keen sense of smell. I don’t stink. I bet Phin didn’t even notice the garlic smell.”

“Actually…” Phin started but stopped once he received a death glare from Mary.

“Strong sense of smell and good teeth aren’t exactly vampiric, Mary. I really wish you could see how ridiculous you’re being.”

“There’s one more thing,” she said turning her attention back to me. “Your aura.”

I didn’t reply and waited for her to continue.

“Your aura is wrong. There’s something off about it. It’s cloudy and dim but behind it there is a bright light. It’s like watching someone drive through fog with their headlights on. You’re a freak!”

I quickly glanced at Phin and he was smirking.

“You’re the one seeing ‘auras’ yet I’m the freak.” I rolled my eyes again. “Have you ever seen me drink blood? Have you ever seen me kill someone? Do I sleep in a coffin? Avoid the sun?”

“Those are just stupid fairytale and movie crap! Real vampires aren’t that simple! I know you know that! You’re just trying to use all that pop culture stuff to confuse me! I’m not stupid.”

“But you are screaming. Lower your voice.”

I dragged the knife lightly across my wrist. I heard her gasp and exhale once she saw that I didn’t draw any blood. Dropping the knife and getting out of my seat, I took a step towards her.

“So you think I’m a vampire?” I asked in a low voice. The change even seemed to surprise Phin, but I shot him another look and he got it.

“You think I’m some frightening creature that sucks the life out of innocent people. Do I worship the devil, too? Am I eternally damned? I’d really like to know,” I asked moving forward again. Mary took a step back.

“Stop it.”

“If you accidentally cut yourself one day,” I reached back and grabbed the knife, “do you think I’ll lose control and give into the blood lust? Do you think I’ll attack you?”

I was advancing again. I ran my thumb over the serrated edge of the knife and actually did draw a little blood. She whimpered.

“Stop it!”

I stared at the blood on my finger, pretending to be entranced. Then in one swift movement I brought my finger to my mouth and sucked the blood off. Mary stepped back again and banged into kitchen sink.

“Can I read minds?” I asked after a moment more of sucking the blood out of my own thumb.

“Stop,” she whispered weakly. I had taken another step towards her. I was only about a foot away now.

“You’re scared,” I whispered. “You think I’ll cut you and drink your blood.”

I glanced again at Phin, allowing her to see me do it this time.

“What about Phin? He can be taken care of.”

The expression on her face told me it was working. She was thinking what I wanted her to think and it made it that much easier for me to convince her I was reading her mind. I took one more step forward and now we were only a few inches apart.

“If I ignore the garlic, you really do smell lovely,” I cooed, tracing the knife lightly down the side of her neck. I lightly brushed my fingers against the silver cross pendant hanging around her neck, “I do wish you wouldn’t wear that though, although it is more of an annoyance than a threat. Like you said, those things are just fairytales and myths.”

By now, Mary looked terrified as I touched the rosary beads without being hurt. “I wasn’t talking about crosses and holy water. I only meant that the sun and coffin stuff wasn’t real,” she whispered mostly to herself.

I leaned my head a little closer to her neck and breathed deeply. Putting my hands on either side of her and resting my weight on my arms, I whispered into her ear. “You really do smell appetizing.”

I let the knife that was in my right hand drop into the sink with a ‘clank’ and took a step back. It took Mary a moment to realize that I had moved but once she did she scampered past me and back into her room. Once Phin and I heard the door lock we both burst into the laughter.

“Oh my God! Did you see the look on her face?” Phin managed between laughs.

“I know she almost died!”

“Priceless. We should definitely go out and celebrate this victory.”

“Victory?”

I turned around and noticed Chris standing in the living room.

“Yea. Vampire: 1, Slayer: 0. Tonight we celebrate!” Phin yelled, grabbing another beer from the fridge.

“My thumb hurts,” I said rubbing the spot where I’d cut with the knife. “I didn’t really mean to do that, you know. It was kind of just an accident but I went with it.”

Phin beamed at me.