Ineffable Plan

“Are you alright?” Aaron asked me once we were outside.

“I’m fine. Are you alright? You seemed a bit…tense back there.”

“I’m fine. I just don’t like that girl.”

“Me neither,” I agreed childishly.

Aaron laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling off my tiger mittens and lacing our fingers.

“So what do we do now?”

He shrugged. Things were quiet for a few minutes. I breathed deeply and let the cold air fill up my lungs. I love the fall. The weather is perfect.

“I know,” Aaron mumbled.

“Hmm?” I asked turning to look at him.

“Nothing.”

More silence.

I looked down on the floor. We were standing near a lamppost and I could clearly see our shadows. That’s when I noticed our hands were still linked. My hands felt warm in his and I smiled. I thought about that day in art class when he helped me with the pottery project. My cheeks heated up and I knew I was blushing. Aaron laughed lightly.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

I rolled my eyes and looked around. “Let’s get out of here. This is boring.”

He nodded.

We started walking around aimlessly. “Where are we going?”

I shrugged.

As we passed a bench, Aaron plopped down on it and pulled me onto his lap.

“What are you doing?”

“Sitting,” he smiled, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

I nodded.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer, and rested his chin on my shoulder. “I don’t like Mary.”

“You’ve said that already, Aaron.”

“Well it’s true. I don’t trust her. She really doesn’t like you.”

“I know that.”

“You should move. Get a new dorm assignment.”

I turned so that I was sitting sideways and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not moving just because Mary’s a lunatic. Besides, getting a new dorm room isn’t that easy, you know.”

He laced his left hand with my right and sighed.

“I don’t think it’s safe.”

“Mary’s harmless…mostly. Don’t worry.”

He brushed the hair off my face; still managing to keep our fingers laced, and kissed my cheek. Immediately, I felt the spot he kissed heat up and I groaned inwardly.

“You’re really cute when you blush like that,” he whispered and kissed my cheek again. “The blush only touches your cheeks and across the bridge of your nose. It’s very endearing.”

By now I was sure I was a very deep pink. “Quit it. You’re doing that on purpose,” I said pulling away from him slightly.

Aaron shook his head and pulled me back towards him. “It’s true.” He resumed lightly kissing my cheek and jaw.

“You’re always so warm.” He was nuzzling his nose into my cheek now.

“That’s because you’re always making me blush and causing all the blood to flow there,” I said half complaining. “You are doing it on purpose.”

He laughed again and pulled away. “I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“I’d appreciate it,” I answered softly and noticed his face drop slightly. I don’t think I could control myself if you keep it up. I might have to kiss you.

He brightened.

“What?” I asked.

“There’s a lot I need to tell you,” he said. “There’s a lot about me you don’t know.”

I raised my eyebrows.

He just shrugged. “Come on. Let’s go. I’ll walk you to the suite.”

I stared at him for a moment and then reluctantly got up. He grabbed my hand and started walking. “Come on.”

A few minutes later we were in front of the suite door and I was searching for my ID card.

“It’s around your neck, on that chain.” Aaron pointed out.

“Oh.”

I swiped it through the card reader and waited for the click that said it was open. Aaron pushed the door open for me and I walked in. I turned around when I realized he wasn’t following me.

“You’re not coming in?” I asked slightly disappointed.

“No. I’m going to go for a walk and then head back home. I need to think and clear my head.”

I nodded. He needs to clear his head. Great! What did I do now?

“I got a lot on my mind I need to work out. It’s got nothing to do with you,” he said softly.

I raised my eyebrows. How does he always do that? I looked up and noticed he was smiling.

“Goodnight. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

I nodded and started to close the door but Aaron stopped me.

“Jus, I…I really like you. I really do like you and not just in a friendly way. You have no idea how amazing you are; how beautiful you are. I love being around you and I love the way I feel when I’m with you. I wish we could be together, but…”

“But?”

“We can’t. Not yet.”

I stood there staring at him in shock.

“You can’t keep doing this. Dangling things in front of me and then pulling it away. I mean, first it was the whole ‘there’s a lot you don’t know about me’ and now this.”

“Come here.” He opened his arms. I moved forward and hugged him, breathing in his scent. He always smelled so good.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to do that to you. It’s just that…I think I love you. I love everything about you and most of the time we’re together I have to fight the urge to just…to just…”

In one swift motion his lips were on mine. The kiss caught me off guard and if Aaron’s right arm wasn’t wrapped securely around me I would have fallen. I suddenly became aware of his other hand tangled in my hair holding my head against him. Then I slowly felt each movement of his lips against mine and was surprised by mine moving against his.

Breathe. A voice in my head commanded and I inhaled slowly.

Awareness spread throughout my body and everything was Aaron. It felt like there was nothing else in the world. He was as close to me as a person could get. His body was pressed against mine completely and I loved it. Waves of warmth were crashing over me as we kissed and I wished we could stay like this forever. I got another shock as I felt his tongue slide across my lips and I opened my mouth slightly. More warmth rushed through me as his tongue found mine and I moaned softly. When he realized I wasn’t going anywhere his hand untangled from my hair and slid down the small of my back. My arms were around his neck now.

I love you. The voice in my head whispered.

I pulled away and stared at Aaron. He was breathless and had this dopey smile on his face.

“It’s one of those things about me you don’t know,” he whispered before leaning in to kiss me again. This time his tongue slipped into my mouth right away and I felt his warm hand creep up my shirt. He softly bit my bottom lip and slid his tongue across it causing me to moan again. There was suddenly a slightly salty taste.

I love you. The voice again.

I felt my back come in contact with the door and Aaron pulled away and started kissing down my jaw line. Soon he was kissing and sucking and nibbling at my neck.

“Aaron,” I whispered.

A moment later I felt a tiny prick on my neck and then…ecstasy. Pleasure surged through my body and I tried to grasp onto Aaron’s shoulder to keep myself from falling. He realized I was having trouble standing and wrapped his arms tighter around my waist to keep me up. I love you. The voice whispered for a third time, but I couldn’t focus anymore on trying to figure out where it was coming from. Too soon, Aaron stopped sucking on my neck and placed a light kiss on the spot before pulling away.

“I love you.” This time I was sure it was Aaron who said it. I saw his lips move and heard his voice.

“I love you too,” I responded before leaning in to kiss him. This kiss felt different, though just as breathtaking. I couldn’t tell what it was, but it left me feeling lightheaded. After a few moments Aaron broke the kiss and pulled away from me completely.

“Goodnight,” he said again with a bitter smile, but this time he walked away and I immediately felt the warmth leave with him.

I closed the door and walked slowly to my room. I felt like I was walking in a dream; like I was floating. Everything around me seemed foggy. Why did Aaron leave so suddenly? Once I got to my room, I threw my ID card on the desk. Why am I wearing this? I took off my shoes and climbed into bed. When did I get home? I got under the covers and snuggled my face into the pillow. It’s so warm here.