Someone Out There Loves You After All

"Hey guys." you said, stepping through the door of the flat that you shared with your two roommates. One was sitting on one of the couches and the other was off somewhere in another part, you assumed.

You were happy, yet not surprised to see Mikey and Alicia curled up on the couch next to your first roommate, Frank and Jamia stretched out on the other couch, and Ray and Bob engaged in a cut-throat game of Guitar Hero. You laughed as Bob glanced over his shoulder to say hi and missed like three notes.

"Fuck!" he cursed as Ray laughed evilly.

You rolled your eyes.

"Hey gorgeous," Alicia smiled at you, wrapped firmly in Mikey's arms. "How was the stay with the parents?"

Frank and Jamia sat up so you would have a place to plop down which is exactly what you did.

"Just put me out of my misery, Alicia," you sighed. "Just kill me now."

"Haha," she lauged. "Went that well, huh?"

You laughed back and turned your attention to the game between Bob and Ray. They had restarted the song because Bob had been distracted and Ray was a good sport.
You'd been in New York for about a week, visiting your parents. You'd missed your flat. Letting your gaze flick around the room and over all of the familiar things, you couldn't help but notice that the one you had missed the most out of the entire time you'd been gone, the only thing you could think of, was missing.

"Where's Gerard?" you asked curiously.

You noticed everyone exchange meaningful glances. What meaning they were full of ...you weren't quite sure but it made you feel extremely nervous and panicky.

"He, uh ...went home, I think," Mikey said, pretending to be more interested in the TV screen. He was such a bad liar.

"How come," you persisted, knowing that something wasn't right.

"Uh ...well ..." he stammered, trying desperately to make up an excuse.

There was a heavy sigh beside you.

"She's gonna find out sooner or later, guys," she mumbled miserably. "Might as well tell her now."

Everyone nodded in agreement and the room fell deathly silent as Ray and Bob paused the game to see what you would do with the news.

"Tell me what?" you said a bit venomously, trying hard to breathe.

Jamia turned to you and took a deep breath.

"Eliza broke up with Gerard. Called the wedding off and everything. I mean this is for real ...she left him. She's just ...gone."

"WHAT!?" you exclaimed, completely shocked. "But that makes no sense! They were so exited about getting married."

"Gerard was," she explained, shaking her head sadly. "she was to busy fucking someone else to care about anything like that."

It was like someone had sucked all the oxygen out of the room. You couldn't believe what you had just heard. How could she possibly have cheated on him? How could anyone want, need, or even imagine anything more than him? There was no one better than him.

"Oh my god," you sobbed as Jamia put a supportive hand on your shoulder. "That fucking bitch!" You covered your face with your hands and sobbed into them as you felt more soft touches from all your friends. Something horrific suddenly dawned on you and you sat up to question Jamia. "Wait, you left him by himself?" you asked in sheer panic.

"Yeah. He said he wanted to be alone," Jamia said, a bit confused by your panicked state.

"Of course he does!" you almost screamed.

"No. It's not like that," Mikey said shaking his head. "He doesn't do that anymore. He stopped."

"Yeah? Well so did I," you said with a heavy tone of sarcasm before you almost whispered the last part of the sentence. "...for a while."

You felt everyone's shocked gaze on you and reflexively tugged at your sleeves.

"Y-you're cutting again?" Came a voice from the kitchen doorway. Your other roommate had poked her head out to see what all the commotion was about and now she was standing there in complete shock and disbelief.

"That's not the point!" you yelled defensively. "My point is that Gerard's probably thinking seriously about killing himself right now because for some fucked up reason that I'll never understand he loved that skank. I am NOT just going to stand here and let him do it.

With that, you sprinted for the doorway, grabbing your keys as you flew by.

"Hold up! I'm coming with you!" Alicia yelled after you.

"No. You stay and try to call ahead."

You jumped in your car and sped off towards Gerard's house praying the whole time that you were wrong and he'd already realized she wasn't good enough for him and you wouldn't have to help bury the man you loved.

Pulling into the parking lot, you hurriedly turned your car off and jumped out. You flew up the stairs, stopped at Gerard's door. knocked twice, and called his name. There was no answer so you tried opening the door. It was unlocked.

You raced through the house checking all the rooms. The living room, kitchen, downstairs bathroom, laundry room, and drawing room were all empty in the most literal sense. He was no where to be found and besides that, it looked like Eliza had taken all of her things and most of his. Bitch.

He had a bi-level apartment so you decided to go upstairs and check for him there. You took the stairs two at a time praying you were so wrong about what you thought he had done to himself. You checked all the spare rooms, his room, and the outdoor patio. Nothing. There was only one room left: the upstairs bathroom. You approached the door cautiously, your hands shaking beyond your control. It was standing open a bit so you pushed it open the rest of the way with your foot. What you saw made your heart stop beating all together.

Gerard was sitting on the cold, tile floor with his back against the tub. Both of his wrists were slit and crimson blood leaked from the wounds at an alarming rate. On his left, just out of reach of his limp hand, was an empty pill bottle.

'Oxycontin,' you noted with sickening irony.

Oxycontin genocide. Adolescent suicide.

Clutched in his other hand was a nearly empty bottle of pure Russian vodka.

His cell phone was ringing in his pocket. You could tell by the ring tone, it was Mikey. Quickly you reached into Gerard's pocket and grabbed it, flipping it open and pressing it to your ear.

"Mikey," you choked out. "Call an ambulance and send them to Gerard's. Hurry!"

You hung up before he could reply and, resisting the urge to be sick, ran to Gerard's very empty room and grabbed two bandannas from his dresser. Racing back to the bathroom, you dropped to your knees beside Gerard and tied them tightly around his arms, above the cuts. Almost immediately the bleeding slowed.

There was nothing more you could do now except wait for the paramedics. Crawling into Gerard's lap, you wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your face in his chest as you sobbed. After a few seconds, you lifted your head to look at him. His eyes were open but just barely and he was frighteningly pale.

"Gerard," you gasped, realizing that he was in fact conscious. You reached up to brush the hair out of his face and found that he was deathly cold. Sobbing, you wrapped yourself tighter around him, lending him your body heat.

He rested his head against the side of your face and you felt his breath against your ear as he tried to say something. You tried to encourage him not to speak but it just couldn't be helped. There was something he had to say.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

You felt a tear drop onto your cheek and knew that it was his. Pulling your head away to see his face you watched his eyes flutter closed again but couldn't tell if he was still conscious or not. Quickly you returned your head to his shoulder and whispered into his ear.

"Gerard Way, if you die, I swear ti God I'll never forgive you."

To your surprise, he chuckled slightly at this and (because you couldn't help it) you gazed again at his beautiful (but extremely pale) face and ran your fingers through his jet black hair. He gazed back at you and in the silence you could almost hear his soul crying out for help.

"Why," he whispered almost inaudibly as he was quickly losing his fight.

You surprised him by knowing exactly what he meant.

"Why am I here? Why am I trying to save you?"

He nodded. You looked at him as though it were the single most obvious question in the entire universe because to you ...it was.

"Because I love you, Gerard," you answered simply. "I always have."

Somewhere in his fading strength, he found a smile and gave it to you. He opened his mouth to say something else but his smile faltered and he suddenly clutched his stomach as a wave of pain exploded in his abdomen. The pills reacting with the alcohol. You held back another sob as you buried your face in his neck, begging him not to leave you. Doing his best to ignore the pain so he wouldn't scare you anymore than he already had, he leaned his head back against yours and wrapped his arms around your waist, expecting pain as the cuts rubbed against your shirt but experiencing none because of all the pills. He fought to stay awake but just couldn't hold on to consciousness. He closed his eyes and slowly drifted into a sea of endless black.

Two Days Later

Gerard groaned, blinking to adjust his eyes to the light.

"Where am I?" he asked of no one in particular.

"You're in the hospital, honey," came the unexpected reply from the nurse by his bed. She was black, pleasantly plump, and wore a bright white nurses uniform with a name tag that said her name was Rose.

Gerard was confused for a moment and wondered what had happened for him to end up here ...then all of it came back to him and he was ashamed.

"Oh," he whispered noticing, for the first time, and staring sadly at the bandages on his wrists.

"Mmhmm," the nurse nodded, following his gaze. "You're lucky to be alive. Even if that's not the way you wanted it to turn out." she said pointedly, closing the blinds when she noticed the light was making him uncomfortable.

"How long have I been here?" Gerard asked, not at all expecting the answer he got.

"Two days," Rose replied.

"Two days!?"

"Thats right. You lost a whole lot of blood, honey. Your body just didn't have enough energy to keep you awake."

Gerard nodded in understanding though he couldn't believe he'd been unconscious for two whole days.

"That young lady there saved your life," Rose smiled, gesturing to the chair you were curled up, asleep in.

Gerard's eyes filled with tears at the sight of you as all the things you'd done and said came rushing back to him.

"Now I don't want to pry into your love life or anything," Rose said, smiling. "but that girl loves you like nothing I've ever seen before. There wasn't a thing we could do or say to get her to leave your side."

"You mean ...she's been here the whole time?" Gerard asked, amazed and flattered.

"Mhm. Every second since we got you into this room she's been right there watching over you. Won't leave for a thing in the world and she hasn't even eaten the food that her friends brought her." She shifted her watchful gaze between the two of you smiling at the way Gerard's eyes seemed to sparkle like diamonds whenever they fell on you. "Would you like me to wake her up before I continue my rounds?"

"No. That's alright," Gerard smiled back. "Let her sleep."

"Alright, You get some more rest too. Your body needs it."

"I will," he promised.

Rose nodded her understanding as she started humming a song that sounded vaguely familiar to Gerard and then she walked briskly out the door, closing it behind her.

Gerard looked over at you and smiled, realizing for the first time how cute you were when you were asleep. Smiling, he traced every inch of you with his eyes until, finally, you woke up.

"Hey there, sugar," he said with a crooked smile as you slowly lifted your head and cleared away the cobwebs of sleep.

"Gerard!" you squealed when you finally realized he was awake.

You both laughed when you jumped up from your seat and leaped onto Gerard's bed, being careful, though, not to bump his wrists. You laid beside him and wrapped your arms around his neck while he wrapped his around your waist.

"I'm so glad you're ok, Gee," you whispered into his chest.

"Me too," he whispered back, pulling you closer.

You wrapped your arms tighter around him and closed your eyes, smiling as he gently stroked your hair.

"Hey," he whispered into your ear, making your heart skip a beat in a way that you found insanely addictive.

"Hm" you said, raising your head, cherishing the sound of his voice.

He moved closer so that his face was only inches from yours.

"I never got to say what I wanted before I passed out," he said quietly, referring to his last few seconds of consciousness two night before.

"And what was that?" you asked not quite sure what to expect but getting one hell of an answer.

"I love you too," he whispered honestly, twirling a strand of your hair through his fingers. "I'm just sorry I had to put you through all of this for me to finally figure it out."

"It's okay," you said with tears in your eyes. You couldn't believe he'd just said he loved you. How long had you dreamed of hearing him say that? And now he really had. "Just promise me you'll never do it again and I'll forgive you."

"Deal. But you have to do something for me."

"Anything," you promised.

"Give me your razor. Throw it away. Stop cutting ...for me."

Your breath caught in your throat. "But-but how did you-"

"I could tell by the way you pulled at your sleeves all the time and the way you hate to look people in the eyes. I know ...because I was you once." He smiled but it was a painfully ironic one. "I guess it never really left me, huh?"

You shook your head gently. There were a few seconds of complete silence before he spoke again.

"So how bout' it, sugar?" he asked, his eyes and voice dancing with hope for you as well as for him. "Can you do that for me? Can you let it go?"

"Yes," you promised, choking on your tears but for the first time in your life, they were happy tears. You gazed into Gerard's eyes and felt your heart swell with love and joy. You couldn't help it. The words just came. You couldn't have stopped them even if you'd wanted to. "I love you," you told him for the second time.

"I love you too, sugar," he said smiling before his lips collided with yours and everything else faded away. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else was. You fell asleep in his arms, smiling because you were finally at peace. You finally felt like you belonged.

In that moment you knew that you had found what you had spent your whole life searching for. You had found the missing piece of your heart. You had found him ...Gerard ...and the peace that filled your soul now told you that this was the way that it was always meant to be.

THE END