Paradise City

James was still asleep next to me. His mouth hung slightly open, and he snored loudly. I was used to it by now; he has snored for years. I smiled at him, reminiscing on the memories that we had made together.

Someone knocked at the front door.

It had to be James, so I stayed where I was, and waited for my mother to let him in.

"James! What's wrong, honey?" I could hear her gasp.

I immediately jumped from my computer chair and bolted down the front stairs. James was standing in the doorway; eyes red and puffy, tears streaming down his face. My mother had her arm around him, leading him to the couch.

"What happened? Are you okay?" I asked frantically. This was the first time I had ever seen him cry, and come hell or high water, I would end the person who started this.

He could barely get out a word as he stuttered over his shaky breaths. "I-I t-told m-my m-mom." He balled his fists and dug them into his eyes.

"Told her what, honey?" My mother asked, but I already knew. I tapped her on the shoulder and gave her a look, letting her know without him having to answer. Obviously Mrs. Cooke didn't take the news so well. James most likely didn't want to risk someone else not accepting him. Especially not someone like my mom. "Oh, sweetie."

She rubbed his back reassuringly, letting him know that she was there for him.

"S-she h-hates m-me." He cried. "S-she s-said t-that I- that I c-couldn't come b-back."

My mother stood up quickly, asking me to stay here with him, get him a glass of water or a pillow, or whatever he needed. I grabbed a Pudding Pop from the freezer. There was always a box in there for James; they were his favorite. Before I could ask her where she was going, she stormed out the front door, across the lawn, and down the street.

I stood at the door, watching as she made a beeline for James' house. He joined me at my side, and I offered him a small smile as he wiped his tears away.

Mrs. Cooke answered the door, and it was clear that they were talking. My mother was talking with her hands; she usually did when she was angry.

Suddenly we heard, "That is your son, Joyce! It don't matter who he's attracted to! Men, women, blacks, Asians, midgets! You have no right to tell that boy that his kind of love is a sin."

Mrs. Cooke was saying something, but I have a feeling she was cut off when my mother screamed, "I don't care what the Bible says! We are all God's children and no matter what, he will love us. If you have no love left for your own son, maybe it's you that's the abomination. You need a reality check, Joyce, it's 2006. James will be staying with us for a while, where he will be accepted for who he is."

I looked up at James who was wide-eyed and had a hint of a smile on his face.

"Your mom is so bad ass." He whispered.

She was. I admired her strength. God knows I wouldn't have been able to stand up to Mrs. Cooke; she frightened me.

When she came up the steps, she gave James a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You're always welcome here, honey. We got plenty of love to go around. Isn't that right, Callie?" I nodded at her. "Speaking of plenty to go around, I made too many pretzel dogs, you kids hungry?"

I nudged James in the shoulder as we followed my mother into the kitchen. "Hey, you're my best friend. You know that right?"

He smiled and bopped me on the nose. "What would I do without you?"

James had it backwards. What would I do without him? He was the only friend that I had. The only person that I could trust with my life, and know that it would be safe and sound. I had known him since I was in diapers. Out of all the people that I knew, he had been in my life the longest. Twenty-three years. What on Earth would I do without him?

I stood out of the bed and made my way to the shower, plugging my phone into the small speaker that I had. The hot water felt good on my skin, washing off the previous night. Kyle invited James and I over to a small house party. If there was ever a time to tell him that I just wasn't ready for what he was offering, it was last night.

James briefed me on what to say to him, and even though he had told me not to say anything along the lines of 'I'm kind of seeing someone else', 'it's not you it's me', or 'you're a sweet guy', the exact line that I fed Kyle was, "You're a sweet guy, Kyle, but I have feelings for someone else, and I don't want to lead you on and ruin our friendship". Let's just say, the rest of the party was very awkward. At least it was for me.

Kyle did say that if things didn't work out between me and 'that lucky son of a bitch', to just call him, and we could start over again. I appreciated that, because I didn't want to hurt him. I definitely could have, and probably would have if James wasn't there to point out that what I was doing was wrong. There was no point in trying get back at Dean or trying to get over him. It was too soon, that wasn't going to happen.

As I got out of the shower, I heard a knock at the door. I wrapped my towel tightly around me, making sure it wasn't going to go anywhere, and went to answer it; thinking that James was still asleep. However, when I stepped into my bedroom, James wasn't sleeping, or in the bed. Instead he was standing at the door, holding it open.

"Who is it?" I asked, but wished I hadn't when I saw who was standing on the other side of the threshold.

The look on Dean's face screamed that he had clearly misread the situation, as his eyes flickered to me in a towel and then back to James who was in just a t-shirt and boxers.

"Yes?" I asked him, breaking the silence between the three of us. James stood there frozen, not knowing what he was supposed to do.

Dean exhaled sharply and turned back towards his apartment door, muttering something along the lines of 'unbelievable', under his breath. I slammed my door shut in one swift motion and headed back to my bathroom so that I could finish getting ready.

James followed me the whole way, and I knew I was about to be interrogated.

"Callie Beth," He said sternly. "What the hell was that?"

I shrugged as I towel dried my hair. "He's a jackass. That's what that was."

"So we're back to the name calling thing, now?"

My shoulders fell. "James, we've had this conversation a million times."

"Yeah, and the one thing you manage to avoid telling me is why you're so scared. I know you, Cal. You're happy one minute and then you put up these walls and try to convince yourself that it's better that way. Why?"

"I'm not scared."

"Callie, you're scared." He replied. "Just tell me why."

"Because I don't want to lose anyone, okay? I've been alone for forever, surrounded by the best family anyone could ask for and then all of the sudden, they're gone? Just ripped from me? It still feels like it didn't even happen. Like my phone's gonna ring at any minute, and it's gonna be my mom asking me if I want some fuckin' pretzel dogs. You're all I have, James. What if I lost you? What if I lost Dean? What if we got married, had kids, and he gets in an accident on the road? I can't do that again, James. I won't be able to handle it."

I was yelling now. He frowned.

"I've thought about it a lot of the past few weeks." I continued. "At first I wanted to know why he slept with someone else, and why he couldn't just be honest with me about it. And then I wanted to figure out what I meant to him, and if he really cared about me or was just using me to claim another naive girl's virginity. And then I wanted to get back at him. I hated him. I was so angry that I wanted to use poor Kyle, the sweetest guy in the world, to get over him and show him that I don't need a piece of trash like him in my life. And then I realized that I could never hate him, and that's when I knew that it's probably just better for everyone if we just leave things the way they are. It's not like he's ever home, anyways."

"You can't live life that way." James sighed. "You can't live your life in fear of losing someone. That's part of the deal. Whether it be a simple break up, or the inevitable death, you're gonna lose people. You can't stop it. It'll hurt like hell, and you can try and run from it until you think you have gotten far enough away, but that pain is going to be with you forever."

I sat down on the toilet and put my head in my hands.

He sighed and knelt in front of me."You need to fix this. The waiting game isn't going to help anyone. He cares about you, Callie. He'd be stupid not to. You're the most amazing person I've ever met. You deserve to be happy, you really do. This guy obviously makes you happy. If he didn't and you didn't care about him, you wouldn't be putting up these walls. I'm leaving tonight-"

"You don't have to. You could stay." I had been thinking about it for the past four days, and I didn't want anything more in the world than to have my best friend back. I needed him. "Please, move out here with me."

James gave me a sad, side smile. "You know I wish I could. This is where you live now, and Vegas is no place for me. I'm destined for rainy, moody Portland. Live in a cabin in the woods somewhere and do nothing but write."

I finished getting ready while James packed up his suitcases. Violet and Kyle wanted to say goodbye to James before he left, so the four of us were all going out for an early dinner. James really loved Violet. He told me to stick close to her because he could tell she was a good person, and would take care of me. He fit right in here, and it killed me to know that he was leaving. His visit had gone by so quickly. I felt like we didn't get to do all of the things I wanted to do. Who knows when I'd see him again.

"Do you think it'll be weird seeing Kyle again after last night?" James asked as we walked to the car.

"I don't think so. I hope not, at least. I'd like to be friends with him. After all, I'm going to need someone to replace you."

"Ha ha ha." He said sarcastically.

Violet and Kyle were already at the restaurant. Kyle smiled and stood up to give me a quick hug, whispering in my ear that I looked beautiful. I thanked him, and slid in next to him. James and I could never eat on the same side of the table. He was always adamant about sitting on the inside, and he was left handed; our elbows always bumped.

"I'm really going to miss you guys." James said after we had finished eating our meal. "I feel like I've made life long friends here."

"You have!" Violet replied, laying her head on his shoulder.

"When are you coming back?" Kyle asked.

James shrugged. "Don't know, hopefully sooner rather than later. Maybe Thanksgiving or Christmas. Callie and I haven't spent either holiday without each other since we were born. Just being apart on her birthday was weird."

I smiled at him. "If you just moved here, it wouldn't be a problem."

He rolled his eyes.

"Well next time you come, you have to bring Alex!" Violet smiled brightly.

"I will, I promise."

After dinner, it was off to the airport. James had to drive because I was crying too much, and because I'd probably turn around in the middle of the street and take him back to my apartment. I wasn't above kidnapping my own best friend. I wasn't allowed to go past the ticket gate. We stood among the hundreds of tourists, in their 'I heart Vegas' t-shirts that they probably got at some airport gift shop.

We lingered around some of those gift shops, as he waited until the very last minute to leave.

"You have everything you need, right? I asked him. "Ticket, phone charger, an aching feeling of regret that makes you want to stay?" He smiled down at me and shook his head. "I'm going to miss you."

"Now you know how I felt when you left home. It sucks doesn't it?" He wiped the tears from my eyes. "You'll be fine. You have Vi and Kyle, and Dean. Talk to him, Cal." James ducked his head to give me a kiss on my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

I half expected him to turn around and come back, but he didn't. He hoisted his bags up over his shoulder and kept walking until I couldn't see him any longer. I stood there for a few more minutes, just waiting. Just in case. When I was certain he wasn't going to change his mind, I headed back out to the parking lot. Sure, Thanksgiving wasn't that far away, and neither was Christmas, but it wasn't soon enough. Having him here just made me realize how much I really missed him. I mean, he was the only family I had left.

When I got back to my apartment, I lingered by the door for just a second. I looked down the hall at Dean's door, contemplating the idea of going to talk to him. I wanted to, and soon before he left again.

I'll do it tomorrow, I promised myself.