Paradise City

I wasn't going to tell him.

I decided to go with my 'I didn't want to distract you while you were at work' speech when he inevitably asked me why I chose not to tell him. The fact that we barely talked in the month he had been gone only validated that as a good choice. He still had a month on the road, and it wasn't getting any easier. Imagine me saying 'hey babe, I'm pregnant! See you next month!' Because that was such a good idea.

Violet went with me to my first doctor's appointment a few days after I took the test. They confirmed the pregnancy, and were surprised due to the abnormal shape of my uterus. Then, I was approximately eight week, and now I was about twelve weeks. Meaning, that around the time Dean got back from tour, I'd know if it was a boy or a girl. Secretly, I was hoping for a boy, preferably one that looked just like Dean, and had none of my physical attributes whatsoever.

There had been no discussion of a name, other than Violet's random suggestions throughout the day. I wasn't trying to think about it too much, but I had pretty much already settled on Jackson James Jordan, after my father and my best friend; whom I was still a little angry at for being so rude. I hadn't thought of a girl's name. Maybe Lily Leigh, keeping up the tradition of alliteration names. Violet seemed to be on board after she found a scrap piece of paper with all of the names I had thought up. She still thought Violet should have been in my top three girl names, preferably number one.

I was already showing, but just barely. Still, I cut my wardrobe down to only elastic band leggings and loose-fitting blouses to keep myself comfortable. All the women at the salon knew, and not because Violet or I had told them, but because I was 'literally glowing'. I didn't see it, because when I looked in the mirror, I saw bags under my eyes from losing sleep because I had to pee constantly. It was getting better, not as frequent, but I still felt like I was constantly going.

Kyle wasn't too thrilled, but he was happy for me nonetheless. I kept thinking about what my parents would think. I'm sure my mother would be happy as a clam, while my dad would brood in a corner somewhere for a few days. It made me sad to think they would never be grandparents, or that my baby would never have a grandma or pa.

"You're coming with me to my check up today, right?" I asked Violet over lunch. One thing that hadn't gone away, the cravings. In fact, they got worse. Oh, and not to mention the dizziness. I couldn't stand up without having to steady myself.

"Yes ma'am." She said as she slurped on her Chinese food. I made a face at her. I couldn't stomach the thought of Moo Goo Gai Pan anymore. "I made sure I didn't have any more appointments, and Janice agreed to watch the front for you. We're all good."

"Today is heartbeat day." I couldn't contain my smile. The thought of hearing the little one's heartbeat for the first time made me ecstatic. "I need you to be there with me to keep me from crying too much."

She laughed. "Shit, I'm probably going to be crying more than you. I don't think you understand just how much I love the thought of babies, and the fact that my best friend is pregnant means the world to me."

"How come you never had any?" It was a question that had plagued my mind for the past few weeks. She always talked about it, and after dating for seven years, it was surprising to me that she and Sam hadn't gotten married or had kids. "You'd be such a great mom. I can imagine you dressing your kid up for Halloween every year, going all out."

"I really would like to, but Sam just doesn't want kids. He's never really explained why, just that he doesn't. It's fine with me, I don't really mind. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make because I love him." She didn't seem so convinced.

"Does he not want to get married, either?" I blurted. I could tell my question shocked Violet. Hell, it even shocked me. I instantly felt bad for asking. "Sorry, I was thinking." I told her.

"It's okay." She replied, offering me a small smile. "I understand that it's a little strange to be together for seven years without getting married." She shrugged. "Another sacrifice, I guess."

I dropped the conversation and we continued our lunch in silence.

Violet wasn't on board with me not telling Dean. She reminded me of it almost everyday, too. Every morning it was 'hey, have you talked to Dean', and every night it was 'you should call Dean'. She was afraid that by me not telling him, it would makes things worse for when he found out. We both agreed that he probably wouldn't take the news too well. A small part of me still held out hope that he'd get down on one knee and ask me to be his forever.

As we sat in the doctor's office, waiting, Violet was scribbling in a crossword puzzle and I picked at my fingernails. I was nervous and excited, my knees were shaking. After about twenty minutes in that cold waiting room, wearing only a paper dress, there was a loud knock on the door.

"Hello Ms. Jordan!" Dr. Kamiski greeted me warmly as he stepped through the door. "How's my favorite patient doing today?"

Dr. Kaminski was a very happy old man. Violet said that it was probably because he looked at women's vaginas all day long and got paid for it. I told her that in more cases than none, the vaginas he was looking at weren't pretty. He talked too much and too fast, and had a very high pitched voice for a balding fifty year old. It always surprised me to see a married, male OB/GYN. I could imagine being the wife of a man who looked at other women's lady parts for a living.

"Are we ready to hear baby's heartbeat for the first time?" He smiled as he snapped on his rubber gloves. "I know I am!" I nodded excitedly. "Good, let's get you all started then." He grabbed the petroleum jelly from his cart and shook it a few times. "This is going to be cold."

"I'm used to it by n- Fuck! Excuse my language, but it's a lot colder than last time." I yelled, shivering at the ice cold gel he squirted on my lower stomach. Goosebumps formed on my arms. As if I wasn't already cold, that just made it seem like the room temperature dropped ten degrees.

He moved the transducer around my stomach, pressing down gently as he did so. "Alright, if you listen closely, you should be able to hear a beat." He said. I listened as closely as I could, but didn't hear anything. "Should be right around here." Still nothing. "Hang on."

Dr. Kamiski flipped a couple nobs on the ultrasound machine and began searching for a heartbeat once again. He was telling me a story about how this happened to many women, obviously to keep me from thinking the worst. His laugh was nervous as he told the story, and it wasn't helping my nerves any.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, obviously worried that something wasn't right. I knew what a baby's heartbeat should sound like, I watched a million youtube videos. It was a steady, loud beat that was very fast paced.

"Nothing is wrong." He replied. "It's still early, yet. You've been taking your vitamins daily?" I nodded. "Eating healthy? Not giving into too many of those bad cravings?" I nodded again, wondering why he was asking these questions if nothing was wrong. "Well, we'll give it a couple days and have you come back. I'm sure it's nothing. It might just need a few more days to grow stronger."

'I'm Sure it's nothing'? That didn't sound too convincing. I nodded again, not saying anything in order to mask the fear that had come over me. "Just come back in a few days?" I asked him, my voice shaking slightly.

"Yep! I'm sure that little booger is fine in there." He replied with a smile, giving me a slight pinch on the belly. I hoped he was right.

Violet dropped me off at my apartment, making sure I was comfortable before leaving. I walked over to Dean's and grabbed one of his t-shirts, before going back home and crawling into my own bed. The smell of him comforted me, soothed my mind.

It wasn't too late, maybe if I tried calling Dean, he'd actually answer. I pulled my phone out and dialed his number. It rang a few times before going to voicemail. I sighed, disappointed that I wasn't able to reach him again.

"Hey handsome," I said after the beep. "I was just calling because I missed hearing your voice, and was wondering how you were doing. I'm sure you're working, so it's no biggie. Whenever you get the chance, give me a call. I miss you! Can't wait for you to get home!" I hung up the phone and placed it back on the bed side table.

I rested my hand on my stomach, softly rubbing my thumb in circles. I really hope you're okay in there, I thought to myself before dozing off to sleep.

When I woke up, I felt a sharp, stabbing pain in my lower abdomen. I threw the covers back, only to face a horrible sight. Blood soaking through my crisp white sheets. Not just a little bit of blood, a lot of blood. I reached for my phone on the bedside table, the pain in my pelvic area made me cry out.

"Hello?" Violet asked on the other end, her voice was hoarse.

"Violet." I cried. "Something's wrong."

"Callie, hang up and dial 9-1-1. They'll get to you faster than I will, okay?" She said frantically in the phone.

"Okay." I replied, my teeth grinding from the pain. It was damn near unbearable.

"I'll meet you at the hospital, okay?" She said, and I could hear the jingling of her keys in the background.

The ambulance arrived in less than ten minutes, and the paramedics were banging at my door shortly after. It took everything in me to actually stand up to unlock the door. Each step I took sent a shooting pain through out my entire body. I could feel the blood dripping down my legs.

"What happened?" One of the paramedics asked me, pushing a gurney thought my front door. The swarmed me like a pack of dogs.

"I woke up and there was blood everywhere." I cried. "It hurts."

"Can you sit down?" He asked me, ushering me towards the cot.

I tried to sit down on the gurney, but the pain shot up my spine like a bullet. "No! No! I can't!"

"I'm going to need you to try and lay down for me, okay?." The other paramedic said to me. "I'm going to need a sedative." He said to his partner. "What's your name?" I tried to answer him, but I was crying to much. All that I could get out were stutters and teeth chattering. Instead, I pointed towards my bag, which he handed to me. I pulled out my wallet and handed the man my I.D. "Callie Beth Jordan?" He asked me and I nodded. "Alright, Callie. You're going to be just fine, okay?"

The men strapped me down to the cot, ignoring my cries. With each movement, the pain became worse. It even hurt to breathe. By the time they got me to the ambulance, I had been knocked out. I woke up a few hours later in a hospital bed, unaware of what had happened, or what time it was. My vision was blurry, but was able to focus on the brown and pink hair in the chair next to my bed.

Violet sat quietly, exhaustion plaguing her face, working on the same crossword puzzles she had been trying to solve earlier. I went to speak, but she looked up at me, before the words left my lips. She gave me a sad smile, and reached over to grab my hand. "

"It's okay, Cal." She said softly. "Just go back to sleep, alright? You need to rest."

"Where's Dean?" I asked. All I wanted was Dean.

"I already called him. He's getting on a red-eye. He should be here soon, okay? Just get some rest."

I nodded my head, feeling my eyes roll back and sleep take over.