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He's Been Damaged, He's Been Misused
Chapter Eighteen
The next morning, Ricky leaves for school alone, avoiding Chris at all costs. He even went as far as to walk down the sidewalk opposite of Chris when he comes to view.
Chris noticed, and he didn't care. He doesn’t care at fucking all. He doesn't need Ricky in his life anyways. He still has Kevin and Ghost and Balz and Matt and Kuza. Actually, he doesn't talk to Balz, Matt, or Kuza all that much, but he still has friends that wouldn't beat him when he did one little thing they didn't like. That's all Ricky has because he chose that over their affection and that pisses Chris off and makes him hurt for the younger boy, so maybe he does care after all, and that only pisses him off even more. He doesn't want to care about Ricky anymore because he's clearly not in his life anymore, and that makes him hurt even more.
But you know what? It's Chris’ fault that things are the way they are now. If he owned up to his feelings when Ricky first admitted his then he wouldn't have felt bad about rejecting him, and if he never felt bad about rejecting him, he would've never set Ricky up on a date with Carter.
Why didn’t Chris realize Carter was such a monster before hand? Why won’t Ricky realize it now?
Fuck, they’re both fucking idiots.
<><><>
By the time lunch time rolls around, Chris and Kevin are seated at their usual seats. Kevin’s still working on those art assignments from the textbook, clearly distressed by the previous day’s events. Chris didn’t like seeing Kevin like this at all. He misses carefree, always joking around Kevin Grease, but now he’s uncharacteristically quiet and gloomy and Chris hates it.
“Hey, guys,” a voice sounds behind Chris. Chris turns to meet the source of the voice, raising a drawn brow when he finds Ghost standing there.
“Oh, hey,” Chris greets him as he moves around the table to sit next to Kevin. “We haven’t seen you in here before. Do you have this lunch?”
“No, I have second lunch, but our teacher’s been gone for fifteen minutes. Rules say that if your teacher doesn’t show up to class within the first fifteen minutes of class, you can go wherever you want,” Ghost shrugs before turning towards Kevin, who hasn’t even spared a glance at him since he approached. “You alright, Kev?”
He only shrugs as he jots something down on his paper. Ghost sighs sadly before turning to Chris with sad eyes, silently asking if he know what’s up, but he can only shrug. Everyone’s shrugging today…
Ghost turns back to Kevin, opening his arms to offer a hug. Kevin looks to him hesitantly before closing his textbook and cuddling into Ghost’s side.
“Is it because of Ricky?” Ghost asks, trying to get more of a response out of his distressed friend.
“I guess?” he whispers, surprising Chris. Those are the first sounds he heard his friend say all day because he refused to use words to communicate with him.
But he spoke to Ghost.
Maybe Kevin’s pissed at him too? Chris doesn’t understand why he’d be pissed, though.
“You guess?”
“Yeah, like I’m upset over the fact that Ricky is ignoring me. I’m also upset with Carter for doing what he did. And, uh-” Kevin glances up to Chris for a second and bites at his lower lip, as if contemplating whether or not he should say what he’s about to say. Kevin tears his gaze away from Chris’. “And I’m kinda upset that Chris gave up so easily…”
Ghost is about to ask what Carter did and what exactly Chris gave up on until Chris speaks up.
“Kevin, I tried to help him, but he yelled at me, called me an asshole, and accused me of trying to ruin his ‘relationship’. I’m not gonna stand by and try to help someone who treats me like shit. And anyways, I can’t even get a hold of him. He keeps avoiding me and blocked my phone number all all social media accounts. He blocked all of yours and Ghost’s too. We have no choice but to leave him be.”
Kevin’s quiet again for a moment, and Chris thinks he’s choosing to ignore him, until he finally whispers, “But he’s our friend, Chris.”
Chris sighs at his stubborn friend, “No, Ricky’s not our friend anymore. He doesn’t want anything to do with us.”
Kevin doesn’t say anything after that, and Ghost sits confused about their conversation. He looks to Chris again for answers, but Chris drops his gaze to the table.
So now they just sit in silence…
Chris noticed, and he didn't care. He doesn’t care at fucking all. He doesn't need Ricky in his life anyways. He still has Kevin and Ghost and Balz and Matt and Kuza. Actually, he doesn't talk to Balz, Matt, or Kuza all that much, but he still has friends that wouldn't beat him when he did one little thing they didn't like. That's all Ricky has because he chose that over their affection and that pisses Chris off and makes him hurt for the younger boy, so maybe he does care after all, and that only pisses him off even more. He doesn't want to care about Ricky anymore because he's clearly not in his life anymore, and that makes him hurt even more.
But you know what? It's Chris’ fault that things are the way they are now. If he owned up to his feelings when Ricky first admitted his then he wouldn't have felt bad about rejecting him, and if he never felt bad about rejecting him, he would've never set Ricky up on a date with Carter.
Why didn’t Chris realize Carter was such a monster before hand? Why won’t Ricky realize it now?
Fuck, they’re both fucking idiots.
<><><>
By the time lunch time rolls around, Chris and Kevin are seated at their usual seats. Kevin’s still working on those art assignments from the textbook, clearly distressed by the previous day’s events. Chris didn’t like seeing Kevin like this at all. He misses carefree, always joking around Kevin Grease, but now he’s uncharacteristically quiet and gloomy and Chris hates it.
“Hey, guys,” a voice sounds behind Chris. Chris turns to meet the source of the voice, raising a drawn brow when he finds Ghost standing there.
“Oh, hey,” Chris greets him as he moves around the table to sit next to Kevin. “We haven’t seen you in here before. Do you have this lunch?”
“No, I have second lunch, but our teacher’s been gone for fifteen minutes. Rules say that if your teacher doesn’t show up to class within the first fifteen minutes of class, you can go wherever you want,” Ghost shrugs before turning towards Kevin, who hasn’t even spared a glance at him since he approached. “You alright, Kev?”
He only shrugs as he jots something down on his paper. Ghost sighs sadly before turning to Chris with sad eyes, silently asking if he know what’s up, but he can only shrug. Everyone’s shrugging today…
Ghost turns back to Kevin, opening his arms to offer a hug. Kevin looks to him hesitantly before closing his textbook and cuddling into Ghost’s side.
“Is it because of Ricky?” Ghost asks, trying to get more of a response out of his distressed friend.
“I guess?” he whispers, surprising Chris. Those are the first sounds he heard his friend say all day because he refused to use words to communicate with him.
But he spoke to Ghost.
Maybe Kevin’s pissed at him too? Chris doesn’t understand why he’d be pissed, though.
“You guess?”
“Yeah, like I’m upset over the fact that Ricky is ignoring me. I’m also upset with Carter for doing what he did. And, uh-” Kevin glances up to Chris for a second and bites at his lower lip, as if contemplating whether or not he should say what he’s about to say. Kevin tears his gaze away from Chris’. “And I’m kinda upset that Chris gave up so easily…”
Ghost is about to ask what Carter did and what exactly Chris gave up on until Chris speaks up.
“Kevin, I tried to help him, but he yelled at me, called me an asshole, and accused me of trying to ruin his ‘relationship’. I’m not gonna stand by and try to help someone who treats me like shit. And anyways, I can’t even get a hold of him. He keeps avoiding me and blocked my phone number all all social media accounts. He blocked all of yours and Ghost’s too. We have no choice but to leave him be.”
Kevin’s quiet again for a moment, and Chris thinks he’s choosing to ignore him, until he finally whispers, “But he’s our friend, Chris.”
Chris sighs at his stubborn friend, “No, Ricky’s not our friend anymore. He doesn’t want anything to do with us.”
Kevin doesn’t say anything after that, and Ghost sits confused about their conversation. He looks to Chris again for answers, but Chris drops his gaze to the table.
So now they just sit in silence…