Status: Complete

Food, Cats, and Being Lazy

Twenty-Seven

I felt Audrey slip away from me as soon as I climbed into Vincent’s passenger seat. I sighed and sunk low into the seat. Why was I so stupid? Not just for the whole Audrey impersonation but because of what happened before that? I was so offended by Paige’s superiority complex that I went and told her Vincent kissed me.

He climbed into the seat beside me and then pulled us onto the road.

“So,” he said. “You and Paige got into a fight?” I rubbed my forehead.

“She just has this way of making me feel really terrible about myself even when she’s not trying to. Like her superiority complex starts showing, and she says offensive things. She doesn’t realize it because me being uglier and less popular than her is just an undeniable fact.”

“I’m aware of that complex. It’s why we broke up.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, she’s always been that way. The first thing she ever said to me was how tacky my tie was. She literally came over to my house, went through my clothes, and threw away everything she didn’t like. And she did that before we even started dating. My parents don’t buy me a lot of clothes. So she had to convince your mom to give her money. Didn’t tell her it was because she was giving me a makeover.”

“I would have killed her.”

“I was so naïve back then. It was the first time in my life that a girl showed interest in me, and I was willing to do whatever she wanted to keep her. It took me a long time to realize that she’d never actually liked me. It was when she started trying to change my personality that it hit me.”

“What did she try to change?”

“God, everything. She doesn’t like the way I talk. She doesn’t like the music I listen to or that I want to be a nature photographer. She thinks I should go to school for dentistry and work with my parents. And she can run the front desk. I was okay when she changed my clothes because they’re not sentimental. I was okay when she helped me get rid of my acne because I hated it. But you can’t change who you are deep down. And she just always had something she wanted me to work on. Things that I couldn’t change. It built up until I realized there wasn’t a single thing she liked about me except that I was hers.”

“So why’d you stay with her so long?”

“You know that saying about how love makes you blind? I guess it’s true. She was the first girl I’d ever fallen in love with. And like I said, I was willing to do whatever I could to keep her. When you think you love someone like that, you overlook their flaws. I didn’t have anyone else. I was afraid of being alone. And you know how she is. She fixes the things she doesn’t like. In people and relationships and everything else in her life. I’d break up with her, and she’d decide it didn’t work for her, and then we’d be on again. That’s how she protects herself. The more control she has, the safer she feels.”

“It seemed like she was starting to change.” He shrugged.

“Maybe she is. This whole experience has definitely opened both our eyes. But Paige has a tendency to tap out her resources. She’s been spending a lot of time with you because she doesn’t like being around her friends. She feels out of touch with them. And you’re someone who can’t pull away from her.”

“You think she’s using me,” I stated.

“I don’t think she’s using you,” he reassured me. “I think she loves you, and she trusts you. And right now, you’re the only person who doesn’t make her feel bad about herself or judge her. She needs someone to be kind to her. But when she has the baby, and we give her up, her life can go back to normal. She’ll be able to hang out with her friends again. I don’t think anything will change.”

I flipped my sunglasses back down over my eyes. He was right. I hated that he was right. I really wanted to believe Paige was spending time with me because she wanted to get close to me again. But that wasn’t it. And I didn’t think her friends were actually judging her. I think she just felt guilty and embarrassed about her situation and intentionally chose to spend less time with them.

I knew he was telling the truth because I got a taste of the real Paige again when she blurted out that Vincent was out of my league. She put herself above me and didn’t even see what was wrong with it. Like it was just common knowledge that she was better, and I had no right to be offended about the truth.

He reached out to pat my shoulder as I sniffled. I wiped my eyes.

“I’m sorry, Pip. I shouldn’t have said that,” he said. I shook my head.

“It’s okay. Maybe I was just living in a fantasy world. I thought she might actually want to be my friend. I thought Collin might actually like me. I thought you might actually like me.”

“I do like you.”

“That’s not what I mean.” My voice had gone whiney and nasally because I was definitely crying now. “I just don’t think people realize how lonely it is. Sitting in that stupid stairwell every day by myself. Having no one to talk to. Having crushes on boys who, as Paige put it, are from completely different worlds than me. I have this habit of jumping to my own conclusions without realizing I’m dirt and should just stay there. I let myself get worked up by these stupid fantasies because it’s easier than facing my reality. I keep letting myself believe that someday someone might actually like me. And maybe I’ll have friends and a boyfriend and a sister who can be seen with me without ruining their reputations.”

“Please don’t do this? I hate when you get like this.” I sobbed and turned toward the window so he couldn’t watch me cry.

“I get like this because it’s never gonna end. It just keeps getting worse, and I keep setting myself up to get hurt. I just can’t wait to get out of this stupid school and move away from here, where I can start over. But knowing my luck, no one will like me then either. It’ll be like this for the rest of my life, and Ringo Starr will never come to my baby shower.”

“What?” I shook my head.

“It’s nothing. Just forget it. My mom says I’m bad at dumping my feelings on people because I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

“I think you’re an amazing person, Pip. You just have to remember that you’re socializing with a bunch of teenagers. My uncle is a psychiatrist, and he says that teenagers never see when someone is special because they’re all so busy worrying about themselves. They’re very one-sided because they’ve been kids their whole lives. They’ve never really had to worry about anyone other than themselves. And someday they’ll all grow up, and it’ll click, and every single one of them will wish they’d gotten to know you better. And I’ll be laughing in their faces because I knew all along.”

“Why are you nice to me?”

“Because I’m not like that anymore.” We pulled up out front of my house, and I was glad to see Paige’s bedroom light was still off. I turned around to face Vincent as he parked the car and looked at me.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“You got into a fistfight with Collin.” He smiled.

“It wasn’t a fight. He was drunk. It lasted all of five seconds before he ate shit and was too disoriented to keep throwing punches.” I took his hand off the e-brake and examined his knuckles. They were red and puffy.

“Your hand is swollen.”

“To be fair, I did hit him pretty hard.”

“Is Paige mad? About what he told her?” He nodded.

“Yeah, she’s mad.”

“I should probably go back inside then. So I can prepare my Will. I’m leaving Reg to you, okay? You’re the only one who appreciates him.” He smiled again.

“Listen—Pip—there’s something I want you to know, okay?” I nodded. “I wanted to tell you a lot sooner, but now there’s a baby in the picture—and it kind of complicates things. I know Paige isn’t my girlfriend anymore, but I still feel obligated to her until we figure our lives out. You understand?” I nodded.

“Of course I do.”

“So—if there wasn’t a baby—things would have gone differently. But—unfortunately, this is just the way it has to be. And I know you’ve always had a thing for Collin. And he’s usually a really nice guy when he’s not drunk. That’s why I told you not to dance with him. But I want you to know that….”

I cut him off. I had a feeling I knew what he was getting at. And, of course, my track record showed that I was usually wrong. But if he was going to say what I thought he would say, I didn’t want to hear it. He was rambling anyway. So I leaned over the center console and kissed him.

I’d had a crush on Collin since eighth grade. But that crush had completely fallen apart in a matter of minutes. Collin had never noticed me or cared about me. And the only reason he paid any attention to me now is because he had a thing for Paige. Maybe Vincent and I would never have dated. Even if there wasn’t a baby in the picture. But at that moment, on that night, in that dress that made me feel bold and fabulous, I decided to be the girl I wanted to be. The one who could boldly kiss a cute boy and have him kiss her back.

And he did. It was better than the first kiss because I hadn’t been caught off guard. Also, I now had a general idea of how it was supposed to go. And it also lasted a bit longer. Plus, him kissing me back kind of confirmed my theory of what he was about to say. And I was really glad he’d kissed me back because it would have been embarrassing otherwise.

Unfortunately, it was still a really, really bad idea. There were a lot of “could have been’s” in this situation. But it didn’t matter how different things could have been. He was still the father of my biological niece, and it would just never work because of that.

So I pulled away and pushed my sunglasses back up onto the bridge of my nose.

“Goodnight, Vinnie,” I said.

Then I climbed out of the car and hurried up to the front door. I heard his car leave, and when I got to my room, I felt really proud of myself. I was still sadly just Piper Finnegan. But for one blessed moment, Piper Finnegan was really cool.