Food, Cats, and Being Lazy

Everything changed in December. We got out for winter break, and the house grew cold and quiet again. Then one day, I was sitting in my room watching a holiday special on Animal Planet when Paige barged into my room in hysterics. I jumped up, forgetting that we’d been mad at each other for months, and immediately asked, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m having contractions. And it hurts. I don’t know what to do. Should I tell Mom? Should I go to the hospital? I don’t know how to do this!” I took her arm and led her to the stairs. She obviously knew more about this stuff than I did. But I understood that she was freaking out and needed someone level-headed.

“Let’s just ask Mom. She’s done this three times. She’ll know what to do.” She nodded and sobbed at the same time.

“Okay.”

I helped her waddle down the stairs and forced her to sit on the couch while I located my mom in her bedroom, making some fancy wreath for her Christmas party.

“Mom, I think Paige is in labor,” I told her. She looked up, half a pin in her mouth. She took it out.

“What? Why?”

“She’s in a lot of pain, and she’s crying, and also she’s actually talking to me.”

“Oh, Jesus.” She hopped off of her big bed and scurried down the hallway to where I’d stashed Paige, still sobbing, on the couch. “How far apart are your contractions?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Sometimes six minutes. Sometimes two or three.”

“Has your water broken?”

“No.”

“Have you lost your mucus plug?” I immediately cringed. I had no idea what that was, but I didn’t like the sound of it.

“Yeah, last night.”

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do.” My mom slapped her hands together and pointed at me. “You, go upstairs and get dressed. Then get your sister’s bag. It’s the pink one next to the front door under the table. Get her some shoes too. Something comfortable that she can slip in and out of without assistance. But something she can wear in the snow. And her jacket too. Do you understand?” I nodded, panicked a bit, and then made a decision not to ask about the mucus plug thing until later.

I barreled into my room, scared the crap out of Reggie, and then frantically searched for something to wear to the hospital. Then I went to Paige’s room to get all her stuff and hurried them down to my mom.

“Get the bag in the car while I help her get her jacket and shoes on,” she demanded. So I ran out to the car and shoved the bag into the backseat with my backpack. Then I realized I’d forgotten my own jacket. So I ran back toward the house, hit the ice, and ate it hard. But I was running on adrenaline. So I managed to scramble back up and ran inside.

When we got to the hospital, I had to lug the two bags in behind my mom, so she could help Paige get to the right floor. They got her settled into a room, and then my mom turned back on me. She pulled change out of her pocket and stuffed it into my hands.

“I want you to call your dad and let him know we’re at the hospital,” she instructed. “Then I need you to call Rhonda and let her know Paige is here and ask her if she’ll keep Phillip overnight. Then I want you to call Vincent and tell him to come down here. He wanted to be here for this. Can you do all that for me?” I nodded, and she smiled reassuringly. Then she patted my cheek. “Everything is going to be fine. Stop freaking out.”

“What’s a mucus plug?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. Go.”

“Gross.”

I hurried to the waiting room to find the payphone and call my dad’s office. They wouldn’t let me talk to him because he was in a meeting, so I left a message and called Phillip’s best friend’s mom. She promised to watch him overnight. And then I had just enough change left to call Vincent. He answered on the first ring.

“Vinnie, it’s Piper,” I said.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“We’re at the hospital. Paige is—I think it’s happening.”

“Right now?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. What room are you in?”

“Ack, I forgot the room number.”

“It’s fine. I’ll find you guys. See you in a bit.”

When I got back to the room, Paige was already in a hospital gown, and they were covering her with a blanket. She was hooked up to monitors and an IV. I went to where my mom was standing beside her. She squeezed my hand.

“Please stay with me?” Paige asked. I nodded.

“Of course.”

“I don’t want anyone else in here for this. Just you and Mom, okay?”

“Not even Vincent?”

“Especially not him. I know he wanted to be here, but I just want—I just want you two.”

“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” my mom assured her, patting her hair back. She looked frazzled already.

“I don’t think I can tell him,” I told her. She patted my back.

“I’ll take care of it. You stay with her.”

“I will.”

We were there all night. Just the three of us and occasionally a nurse. My mom sometimes went to go talk to Vincent in the waiting room. He was there by himself. My dad didn’t want to come. I thought it was really mean of him to not be there to support Paige. But when my mom and I were alone because a nurse was helping Paige go to the bathroom, she told me the truth. That he didn’t want to see Paige in pain, and he didn’t want to see the baby because he knew he’d never get to know her.

I thought it was nice that Vincent was sticking around even though he was alone. But I kind of figured it might be because he was afraid he wouldn’t get to see the baby before she was given up. He told me that he wanted to see her at least once. He just wanted to make sure he didn’t miss his chance.

She wasn’t born until eleven the following day. Paige had made my hand go numb by then. She said it hurt a lot less after she got stabbed in the spine by a massive needle, but it apparently still hurt a lot. What with all the hand squeezing and yelling. Either way, the baby was born at 11:36. She was plump and pink with rosy fat cheeks. I obviously couldn’t tell who she looked like. But she barely had any hair, and her eyes were big and blue. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life.

And I’d never seen Paige cry so much. She was usually very emotional anyway, but this felt real. Not the alligator tears she used when she wanted something. It was deep and personal. They set the baby in her arms, and she sobbed like this was the most difficult thing she’d ever have to do. I really hoped she chose not to give the baby up. I knew the family she’d picked were really nice, and they’d loved her. But I wanted to love her too. I wanted to spoil her, watch her grow up, and be her aunty. I didn’t want her to go. But it wasn’t my choice.

“Will you go get Vincent for me?” she asked as she rocked the little girl in her arms. I nodded and patted the baby’s soft head. It was probably the one and only time I’d ever get to touch her. My mom wrapped her arm around my shoulder and led me out of the room. Vincent was still in the waiting room, slouched with his head in his hands and eyes red from lack of sleep.

The couple they’d chosen had arrived sometime in the night. They’d driven up the moment they got the news that Paige was in labor. I guess my dad called them. My mom let me know when she returned from buying Vincent breakfast from the cafeteria.

I could tell by his face that he was in pain. The waiting room was close enough to Paige’s room that he might have even heard her first cries. Even though they broke up and the baby would belong to someone else, she was still his daughter. My mom squeezed my shoulder and went to get coffee. I sat down beside Vincent.

“She’s beautiful,” I told him. He sat up straight and looked at me, but he didn’t say anything. He looked so broken. “She wants to see you.” He nodded and stood up to leave. I watched him go. Mrs. Kassem sat down next to me and patted my back affectionately.

“How is she?” she asked.

“Which one? My sister or your daughter?” She smiled. It was a warm smile. Not broken. Loving. Eager. She’d be a great mom. Paige knew that too. I didn’t want it. But Paige was probably doing the right thing.

“Both,” she said.

“They’re both great. She’s really sweet. I think she might have curly hair like me and my mom.”

“I always wanted a baby with curls like yours.” I sniffed and nodded, and she didn’t say anything, but she handed me a tissue. Her husband clasped her hand, and she leaned into him. I tried not to look.

When my mom came back, she had four cups of coffee. She gave two of them to the Kassem’s and one to me. Then we all sat down and watched the morning news, waiting for some word from Paige or Vincent. But nothing happened for a whole hour. It felt like forever. And then the nurse came out and asked the Kassem’s to join them. When they were gone, I put my face in my hands and tried not to cry. My mom patted my back.

“I know, honey,” she said when I lost the fight. “But this is what’s best for everyone. Paige and Vincent aren’t ready to be parents. Just look at the life they’re giving her by doing this.” I nodded.

“I know,” I whined. “I just wish we could know her.”

“I know, baby. I wish we could too. But it’s their choice. Not ours. They’re doing what they think is best for their baby. We don’t get to decide.”

A little while later, after I stopped crying, Vincent stepped back into the waiting room. His eyes were red, and he had obviously just cried a whole lot. He looked right at me but didn’t say anything. Instead, he just turned and walked down the hall toward the vending machines.

I knew what it meant. They’d done it. Signed the papers. They’d given her up. They wouldn’t know her name or get to see her grow up. Just as quickly as they got her, she was someone else’s. I had a niece, but she’d never be mine.

I stood up and followed after him. I found him by the soda machine, shakily shoving his money into it and failing. I didn’t know what I could say to make it better. But he’d always been there for me. So I had to at least try.

I stepped toward him and put my hand on his shoulder. When he turned toward me, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a hug. He immediately broke down. He held me tight, enveloping me in his arms. His head dropped onto my shoulder, and he cried.

“It’s better this way, right?” he asked. “She’ll be happier with them.” I nodded.

“You did the best for her. For all of you. She’ll be happy.” He sniffed and squeezed me.

“I didn’t know it would hurt this much.”

“Neither did I.”

“Thank you, Pip. For being so wonderful.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You didn’t have to. You’re just you.” He gently kissed my forehead as he pulled away. Then he abandoned the soda machine and walked out of the door. When I turned around, Mrs. Kassem was standing there. She had tears in her eyes. But she gave me a sympathetic smile.

“I thought he might need a friend,” she said. “I’m glad it was you.” Then she turned and went back to Paige’s room.

When we got home from the hospital, it was like all of our lives had changed overnight. Paige wouldn’t talk to anyone. She didn’t put on makeup, brush her hair, or get dressed. My dad had to help her get up the stairs, and then she disappeared into her bedroom. My mom was quiet, and I didn’t know what to say either. I felt heartbroken, but I knew it couldn’t hold a candle to what Paige felt. So I let myself into her room and climbed into her bed beside her. I wrapped my arm around her and said, “Everything will be okay,” just like I’d done months before when she first found out.

Vincent didn’t call to see how she was doing. He didn’t write or come by. But one day, I went to the mailbox and found another CD shoved into it with a green jewel case. It had my name on it in marker. But this time, there was no stencil. It was just his handwriting. “To Pip,” it said. I took it up into my room and plugged it into my computer. There was just one song.

“I once knew a girl in the years of my youth,” the lyrics crooned. “With eyes like the summer, all beauty, and truth. But in the morning, I fled, left a note, and it read, ‘Someday you will be loved.”