Nothing Personal

Jack and Alex hadn’t seen each other recently as Alex had found a job and was now working whenever he could and as they had exams soon they were both stressed over studying. It particularly cold one night and Jack’s heating had decided to crap out on him. Alex was working earlier and had denied spending the night together, despite it being nearly exactly six months since they had begun dating, as he hadn’t studied at all that day and he tried to for at least one hour every day. So Jack was left to sit in his small apartment by himself body surrounded by blankets and his TV stuck on some channel with a crappy show playing as his remote was outside of his blanket cocoon.

When it got late Jack managed to remove his legs from his warm bundle long enough to switch the TV off and run to his bedroom. He had left a hot water bottle in it to make sure it was warm when he went to bed, which it was, and he smiled to himself as his feet hit the soft material of its cover. As he closed his eyes he realised that his body had decided that actually, he wasn’t sleepy at all.

Jack groaned as he opened his eyes and stared up at the white ceiling, the light from outside coming through the gaps in the blinds. He missed Alex. His apartment was a mess again as he hadn’t done any laundry in a couple weeks and he hadn’t bothered with the dishes, only taking them off the drainer when he needed them. He hadn’t changed his bed sheets in a while either and he knew he should but Alex hadn’t been over in a long time -they tended to go to Alex’s house now- so he had no one to impress.

The twenty-one-year-old turned over to see his alarm clock read 01:07. He groaned loudly and rubbed his eyes with his knuckles until he was seeing red blotches. Jack wasn’t in the mood for reading or doing anything that people said help you go to sleep so he went with lying awake and contemplating everything.

Jack was awoken by his phone at five in the morning, after only getting four hours sleep. It was a text from Alex. Jack knew at the back of his mind that he shouldn’t reply, or even look, at the text when he was tired, cold and in a bad mood. But he did. It was an apology for not being able to see him that evening. Jack rolled his eyes at the stupid sad emoji at the end of the message and started typing a reply half-awake. He dropped his phone on the bed beside him after sending the message and flung his arm over his eyes in pure desperation to just get some sleep.

By the time Jack woke up that Saturday it was after ten in the morning and he had forgotten all about the text message from Alex. His heating still wasn’t working so he got in the shower quickly and dressed in warm clothes. As he put bread in the toaster he called Alex.

“Hi.” Alex greeted, tiredly.

“Hey.” Jack responded, just as tiredly as his boyfriend. “I’m cold and I was wondering if we could spend the day together, maybe get some Starbucks.”

“Yeah maybe,” Alex sounded distracted as he spoke which worried Jack, “I was going to ask you if you could come over.”

Jack furrowed his eyebrows, “What’s up?”

Alex sighed heavily from the other end of the line, “The text you sent me last night.”

“What text?” Jack leant back on his counter.

“Don’t act like you don’t remember, Jack, I have it right here on my phone.”

“Look I’m coming over now, we’ll talk when I get there.” Jack hurried, hanging up the phone and shoving it into his pocket and pulling his shoes on, barely remembering to take his toast out of the toaster.

***

Jack knocked anxiously on his boyfriend’s front door, moving from foot to foot as he waited. “Hey baby.” Jack smiled warmly, stepping forward to hug Alex. “I missed you.”

Alex pushed his boyfriend away gently. “We need to talk.”

Jack felt his stomach fill with butterflies, and not the good kind, as he entered the house. “I don’t remember sending you any texts, honestly.”

Alex motioned for Jack to sit on his couch and he took a deep breath as he sat beside him, leaving more space than usual between them. “You sent me a text telling me how you didn’t know where your life was going and how you often stay up late wanting to cry because you don’t know where your life is going and I just didn’t know how to take it because that’s heavy stuff to take in and I don’t know I felt we should talk about it.” Alex breathed in after finishing his outburst and watched Jack carefully.

He shrugged aimlessly. “I don’t know what to say Alex, I was tired and when I’m tired I get personal, it’s weird.”

Alex put his hand on Jack’s knees and squeezed it reassuringly. “You told me that it’s been happening less since hanging out with me. Is that… is that true?” Jack bit his lip and nodded, not meeting Alex’s eye. Alex pulled Jack’s face up with his finger, “Jack that’s really sweet-”

Jack pushed himself towards Alex and kissed him, hands rising to hold his face. When they pulled away he smiled. “I’m sorry for loading all that on you. Next time I’ll wait until morning to reply to your text.” Alex was about to reply when Jack’s phone started ringing. Jack excused himself and came back in a few minutes later, face pale.

“Jack? What’s wrong, what happened?”

“That was my dad. My mum got hit by a drunk driver, she’s in the hospital.”

“I’m so sorry baby.” Alex whispered, kissing his cheek as they pulled apart.

Jack shrugged meekly face blank as he slumped down against the wall of Alex’s living room. “I told you I was a mess when we first met, didn’t I?” He asked as his hands went to hold his head.

A bittersweet smile graced Alex’s features at that and he laughed bitterly. “You did.”