Heartbreak Boy

When you first started dating John O’Callaghan, I wasn’t bothered. Honestly, I was happy for you. You’d never had any serious relationships in all the time that I’d known you. This charming, handsome guy swooping in was just what you needed. Just what you deserved.

The honeymoon stage was sickly sweet, though bearable. When you weren’t sleeping or singing on stage, you were attached at the hip to him. I could tell by the 24/7 blinding grin on your face that you were over the moon. I don’t think I’d ever seen you happier.

All good things come to an end, though, right? At least, that’s the case here. Weeks went by. Then a few months. All Time Low was starting a new album called Don’t Panic! and we were all super pumped. You especially, Alex. Your lyrics were sick. The album art was sick. It was all around fantastic. As a band, we were doing just fine. An All Time High, if you will. In your life… Not so much. Recording and manager-ly stuff was all routine for releasing a work, and John should know that, but apparently he didn’t. Understandably you were gone a lot, Lex, and any normal person would have totally been fine. John wasn’t normal.

Oh, Alex. I wish I could say you should have seen it all coming. But I can’t, because none of us did. As we got busier and busier, John began to change. He was no longer your thoughtful, understanding man, but your easily-irritable and ignorant catalyst. As many times as you told him that it was just typical – that the band needed you – he didn’t listen. It was as if John wasn’t an artist himself with a job to do.

More time went by. You were clearly stressed, and it wasn’t just the light stuff that always tags along with trying to perfect songs and meet deadlines. No, this was different. This was you trying to keep up a relationship with a needy boyfriend and juggle work at the same time. I don’t know why I didn’t intervene and try to talk to you about it. I guess every time anyone even hinted at making a negative remark about John, you wouldn’t let it happen.

You were so whipped for him.

You were so blind.

You call me up
It's like a broken record
Saying that your heart hurts
That you never get over him getting over you.

Finally, John snapped. It was just after a week-long mandatory trip that the band had taken. You were worn out, tired, and had been receiving pestering texts from him all weekend. Without any regard to you, he broke things off. Clean and simple on a coffee date. Then he left you with the bill.

What did you do first, Alex? You called me. Of course. Your best friend, your partner in crime. You knew I’d listen.

And I did. I listened for nearly two hours that night as you poured your heart out to me. My phone grew dangerously hot pressed up against the side of my face, I was hungry and exhausted, but I stayed awake to lend an ear and console you. It would have been unbelievably selfish to not help you.

Sadly, though, what happened that night repeated itself. Not quickly at first, because John decided he wanted you back and being the loving, kind man you are you willing accepted him into your life once again. Things went alright for a while. There wasn’t much complaining on John’s side, and none on yours because you were too relieved to have him back to complain about anything. We were in Baltimore for a while and so was he. I didn’t see you for four whole days. I don’t think he left your house once in that time.

And you end up crying
And I end up lying
'Cause I'm just a sucker for anything that you do.

Within a month, he broke your heart again. He took it in his hands and threw it to the floor, then stomped all over it until it was shattered into thousands of little tiny pieces. If I’d thought it was bad the first time, the second time was so much worse. You cried, you sobbed, and you didn’t leave bed at all. It was such a sickly experience for you, Alex. You asked me if things were going to be okay, and I lied and told you yes. But I didn’t know. I had no idea.

And when the phone call finally ends
You say, "Thanks for being a friend."
And we're going in circles again and again.

Friend. The word would ring in my ears every time you said it. I’d lie in bed at two AM with a heavy heart and a muddled mind, thinking over everything you’d told me that night. I felt as if I was going to explode.

I dedicate this song to you
The one who never sees the truth
That I can take away your hurt, heartbreak girl.
Hold you tight straight through the day light
I'm right here. When you gonna realize
That I'm your cure, heartbreak girl?

You didn’t see it though, Alex. Even after you fell for John’s tricks twice more, you didn’t fucking get it at all. There I was, ready to give you everything just to make you feel better. I’d gone over and sat up with you all night when you’d asked, just so you wouldn’t have to sleep alone in your king size bed in an empty house. Eventually you’d cry yourself to sleep and I’d just sit there, restless.

Oh, Alex. My heartbreak boy. In only a short year’s time you’d changed so much. Gone was the gentle person with such a positive look on the world. In was the broken and badly-stitched up ghost of said person. You were like a ragdoll being tossed around. Each thread coming undone didn’t seem like much, but it made a difference.

He treats you so bad and I'm so good to you. It's not fair.

And when the phone call finally ends
You say, "I'll call you tomorrow at 10.”
And we’re going in circles again and again.

I dedicate this song to you
The one who never sees the truth
That I can take away your hurt, heartbreak girl.
Hold you tight straight through the day light
I'm right here. When you gonna realize
That I'm your cure, heartbreak girl?

Eventually, John stopped calling. He even deleted your number, and when you tried to text him once because you’d left your favorite sweater at his house, he’d replied with a devastating ‘who’s this?’

You bawled, never getting the sweater back.

You didn’t speak to John again.

I know someday it's gonna happen
And you'll finally forget the day you met him.
Sometimes you're so close to your confession
I gotta get it through your head
That you belong with me instead.

Fuck, Alex. My heartbreak boy. You and I both had had enough, and I knew you needed an antidote, but I couldn’t fix you. No matter how hard I tried, you just didn’t see the answer right here. It was so simple, yet so hard. How had you become this way? How had I let you?

I dedicate this song to you
The one who never sees the truth
That I can take away your hurt, heartbreak girl.
Hold you tight straight through the day light
I'm right here. When you gonna realize
That I'm your cure, heartbreak girl?

I didn’t and I still don’t get why you fell so hard for the wrong guy, Alex. He was toxic and you were vulnerable. The lion captured its prey and let it suffer. Such a slow, agonizing torture. And to this day, you still call me up periodically when it’s been a bad day or you can’t sleep.

You’re my heartbreak boy, and your condition is terminal.