I Will Keep Hold of You

Where is Jack?

He almost never leaves me alone for this long after school.

On top of that Rian has been lurking around the house for at least the past twenty minutes and he seems to be getting more and more anxious. He’s given up ringing the doorbell and has been making phone calls and pacing. It’s really starting to freak me the fuck out.

I’m going to figure out what’s going on.

A huge part of me just wants to become visible and go over and talk to him. I really miss Rian, we were tighter than I think most people realise. We spent many hours together at that bookshop. But I know I can’t do that, as much as I may being dying to. No pun intended.

Instead I’m going to do what I do best: lurk. He probably won’t stay here for much longer, it’s clear that Jack’s not home. Nothing here but an empty house and a dead boy.

I step through the wall, it makes my skin crawl, I hate that feeling it’s cold and slimly and it makes me feel like I’m being squeezed; but I need to find out what’s up.

Once outside I walk to Rian’s side. He looks exactly the same, but very worried. Rian’s a pretty easy going guy and seeing him this worked up is scaring me.

After a minute or so Rian pulls out is phone again, only this time I watch him dial 911. My chest tightens.

“911 what’s your emergency?” comes the muffled voice from his phone.

“I think my friend might be in danger,” says Rian, his voice sounds uneven and his hands are shaking. “I think something might have happened to him, he’s not answering his phone.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing, what have these two been up to where’s Jack? I feels like the whole world is spinning. My knees are weak and give in and it on the ground at Rian’s feet.

--
The 911 operative wouldn’t send anyone to look for Jack, but they did send a police officer to Rian. I’m not leaving him until I know where Jack is.

Rian told the policeman about my disappearance, which the officer was already familiar with; most people are, and Rian also told him about their investigation and that my boss probably killed met. If I were feeling more level headed I would probably really care about that but I am not.

Jack is missing, and if my boss did kill me then he’s in danger. I told him to stop looking for my killer, we had a fight because of it and now look where we are. It's like I’m dying all over again.

We need to find Jack right now, but I can’t think of a single thing I can do. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so helpless, and I’m a murder victim. I feel isolated and useless, completely alone in the universe; which without Jack I am.

Rian is on the phone with Jack’s mum and she doesn’t know where he could be either. The police officer is slowly starting to look more and more concerned.

A few minutes go by, Rian continues to plead from the cop to do something, while I fall deeper into crisis, when the policeman finally agrees to go to my boss’s house to talk to him.

He heads back to his car and without even thinking I follow, slipping right through the door of the police car and into the back seat.

--
The policeman pulls into the driveway of the house and then gets out of the car, it looks pretty normal from out here. You wouldn’t think for a second that someone so terrible could be inside.

The cop must be more worried that he was willing to let Rian know because when he called to get this address he also asked for backup. I have such a bad feeling. If I were able to I’m sure I’d throw up.

The second police car pulls in behind me and two more police officers get out. The three cops go to the front door and start knocking.

I go through the car door and join them on the doorstep. I’m so scared it feels like my whole body is on fire.

My boss has opened the door. I can barely look at his disgusting face, he’s a terrible excuse for a man.

He’s trying to play it cool but he does not want to let the police into the house, he’s holding the door half closed on them. Can’t stop me from getting in though.

I go right past everyone on the doorstep and through the door. This is a small house, Jack is probably here somewhere and I need to find him right now.

- - - - - -
"Jack!"

I can hear my name. Someone's calling me.

"Jack!" It's Alex, I can hear him, he's in the house.

"Jack?" He turns a corner, coming into view. "Oh thank god," he says at the sight of me. He looks so relived.

I stare at him, my expression unchanging. "Something bad happened." I point at the room I just came out of, with my arm outstretched, my hand goes through the wall in the process.

Alex's face visibly drops at the realisation. "Fuck. No." I can see tears, threatening to fall, in his eyes. “No, I’m too late,” he says softly as the tears break.

There are other voices in the house. Three cops come around the corner, the evil man yelling after them. "There's nothing to see here!" He sounds more and more desperate.

Alex hasn't stopped staring at me, there are tears down both his cheeks. One of the policemen walks right through him, he doesn't move, he doesn’t even flinch.

No one can see us.

The policeman tries to turn the doorhandle of the room I was in. "What's in here?" he demands.

I'm in there.

When no response is given the policeman rams into the locked door with his shoulder and then does it a second time this time knocking the door in. It swings open, barely hanging onto its hinges.

I can't look, I turn my head.

The two other policemen now have a firm grip on Alex’s murderer. My murderer.

Alex finally walks over to me, he looks heartbroken. He takes me by the arm and leads me outside. Drags me rather. I can barely feel his touch.

It’s early evening, this sun has almost completely gone down. It probably cool out here, I can’t feel that either.

Once we are outside Alex pulls me into a tight hug. “It’s okay,” he whispers to me through sobs. “You’re gonna be okay now.”