A Stitch Away From Making a Scar...

Looking up from his notebook at the noise, Ashton flinched when the door swung open and slammed against the wall. Adam stood in the doorway angrily, face red and fists clenched. Swinging the door shut with a slam, he walked right over to the bed, jaw locked.
“What the hell is wrong with you!” he demanded, pushing the folded up spare blanket off of the bed and onto the floor. “Val is fucking sick, you asshole. And you went and took her to an ice rink? And you totally jacked my ride, it’s got a dent in the side now, faggot.”
Golden eyes wide, he moved back a bit on the bed, looking down at the blanket on the floor. It was just lying there grating against the perfect symmetry of this room. Fingers twitching, he tried to take deep breathes and not lower himself to picking it up in front of Adam just right yet.
Following his gaze, Adam just gave a laugh. He looked back at Ash pointedly and grabbed the side of his desk with the pencils in colour order at the side and the notebooks stacked neatly on top of each other. Arm sweeping across the surface, he pushed everything there to the ground. Choking a bit, Ash jumped off the bed. “No, wait! Stop it, please. Come on. I’m sorry, okay.”
“Sorry you were born,” he just grunted, pushing the bookcase over and spilling every single alphabetically indexed book Ashton owned tumbling across the vacuumed carpet. Falling to the ground, he tried to fix them up and move them back into piles but he stopped when his own dirty washing was thrown over his head. Staying there on the floor, trembling, he just kept on trying to breathe then.
Everything was falling apart and it was like he’d lost his own footing- like he was just drifting and the panic felt overwhelming. Looking around, he cried out when his soccer trophies he’s collected from earlier years past, fell with a loud, scary noise to the floor just beside him.
Not done, Adam pulled open the drawers and pulled out Ash’s tops to throw them over his head along with all the dirty washing. Hands shaking, he stumbled with pulling the clothes off of himself and falling back against the bed, his legs buttery underneath him. “Stop it,” he begged just one last time. “Please stop it.”
Moving over to the desk first, he tried to pick up at least the notebooks first and put them back where they belonged. A moment of some relief leant him some peace. The chair was crooked too so he just nudged it back into place and moved the notebooks back into the corner too.
Books flew everywhere for a third time and the work he’d just done was gone again. Tears filling his eyes, jumping at the noises, he just fell back against the far wall and slid down to the floor, curling up there.
Rocking back and forth there, he couldn’t help the tears anymore. Everywhere he looked and it was just like a punch to the gut. Heart racing and throat closing up, he tried rocking back and forth to calm himself down now. “Please,” he just tried once more in a small voice. “Just please.”
Adam grabbed a pair of scissors now, looking smug with his tilted grin and Kirk Douglas chin dimple. “Want me to give you a haircut?” he offered with a laugh. “I’m literally so good at it. I’ll just cut off your stupid, kindergartener fringe, kay?”
“No!” unable to move anywhere else now, he just tried to make himself smaller and put his hands over his hair. “No please, please Adam. Seriously, no, I’m begging you so much. Just please. I’ll do anything you want. I promise. Just please- just- no.”
A terrified sob interrupted his pleading and Adam just bent over in front of his brother and cocked his head, looking at Ash’s hair. Snapping the scissors in front of the boy’s face, he just chuckled and dropped them in his lap, walking out of the room.
Stopping at the door only, he turned back around. “You piss me off once more,” he gave a humourless smile. “And I’ll shave your freaking head, you punk.”
The door closed with a slam that made Ashton jump, looking around at his room with wide and teary eyes, feeling absolutely terrified and helpless.
Grabbing the clothes, he started sorting through them all carefully. Head hurting, he was trying not to think. Every time a door opened or shut outside of his room it made him want to hurl though. But it wasn’t like he could go and complain to his mum or anything. It made him a total snitch and also, it was selfish. Valissity was the one everyone needed to be looked after, not him.
Still, this was getting insane. Looking around his room now, it looked like a tornado had hit it or something. And it was already late. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep with his room like this. Which meant staying up almost all night cleaning- he supposed he should just be thankful that nothing had stained.
Eventually time stretched towards the very wee hours of the morning and his hands hurt and his eyes were red and dark with sleeplessness. The alphabetising had taken so long but he was just finishing the pencils now. With the last black pencil- there, that was it.
Falling back onto his bed, it barely took any time at all before he either drifted off or blacked out.
Morning was like a bucket of ice water to the face. Actually, it was a bowl of ice water to the face. Spluttering and coughing, he squinted up to see Adam’s face there. “Wake up, loser,” he grinned. “God, you’re so lazy.”
Still chuckling, Ashton’s brother left the room and his brother alone. Shivering and now soaked to the bone, Ashton climbed out of bed and stumbled over to his wardrobe, barely able to focus on his outfit at all. Almost numbly, he pulled out a pair of random jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Focusing a bit more, he just picked out a dark jacket as well and slipped his shoulders into it.
The knock on the door actually scared him so much that he fell over. But nobody in this house except Valissity knocked on any door. “Hey Ash?” she looked confused. “Why is your hair so wet?”
The urge to tell her was so strong it was hurting him. But that was not right. It wasn’t right to tell Valissity about the stupid little problems he had. These next couple of years were about making her happy.
“Adam woke me up,” he added a laugh to try and distract from the pathetic factor that statement held.
She could hear the panic in his voice though, and she could definitely see the bags underneath his eyes. Softening, she sat down in front of him. “Tell me exactly everything that happened, okay?”
Blanching, he shook his head. “No, it’s fine, Val. Nothing happened.”
“Stop it,” she demanded. “I’m not a doll, Ash. You’re not going to make me break. Just tell me right now or I’ll go and ask Adam myself.”
Unable to help it, Ash flinched at his name. Eye’s narrowing; Valissity put a hand on his shoulder and sighed. “Dude, just tell me. You’re scared and it’s freaking me out. What happened?”
Cheeks red, he couldn’t help feeling awful. “No, that’s not what I was-.”
“What are you guys doing?” Adam asked, coming to the door, that same irritating, smug grin slung over his lips. Pushing the door closed, he made sure to leave it just barely open and Ash’s eyes followed the door as he did. “Wow, you look tired, dude. Were you cleaning your room all night?”
A tangle of nerves, Ash looked away. Honestly, he felt awful. Like with every breath he was just dying. Valissity saw this and something sharp came into her eyes. Whipping around to face Adam, she glared. “What the hell did you do? God, I thought you might actually be acting nice but this is freaking ridiculous. What is going on!?!”
A cold, angry look came over Adam’s face now and if Ashton looked between both his siblings he had to say this might be the only time in memory that they looked alike in any way. “You told her?” he said incredulously. “You spineless little brat. She’s sick! You need to stop making everything worse!”
He was right of course. How hard was it to just keep your mouth shut anyway? Guilt came over Ash and he just started tapping his fingers against the floor to keep himself busy. Every breath hurt.
“Don’t turn this on him!” Valissity yelled. “It’s your fault. Just tell me what you did right now, Adam.”
Red with embarrassment, Adam focused his glare on Ashton and just shook his head with a daring look in his eyes. Taking a pencil from the desk, he held it up and looking, Ash’s heart constricted in his chest. Grinning, Adam just snapped it.
The two pieces fell to the ground and a weird hopelessness dug into his stomach. Lips parting, he kept tapping now, and faster. Just keep calm, just keep it okay.
“Stop it,” Valissity exclaimed, stepping forward. “Adam, stop being such a douche. You just calm down, okay.”
“No!” he exploded. “God just, Val! Please just go to bed, okay. Seriously, you can’t be yelling and freaking out like this. It’s not good for you.”
She took a deep breath to calm herself. It was hard to not just snap at him. But everyone had been affected by what she’d done and she needed to respect their right to freak out in any way they found. But going at Ash like this wasn’t reasonable. It was pathetic and Adam had to know that.
Heart breaking, she watched in total shock as Adam lost it.
The packet of paint so cleverly stored away at the top shelf of Ashton’s bookcase was in his hands before anyone could do anything and he grabbed the scissors he’d sported around so teasingly that first time and used them to snip the thing in half and throw it on the floor.
Green paint splattered across the perfect white carpet and Ash’s stomach dropped so far he couldn’t feel it anymore. Both Valissity and Adam looked down and stared. Panic was rising like a bubble in Ash’s throat and all he could think was that it had to go. The stain had to go away. Right now. Or he was going to explode.
Face drawn, Val slapped him across the face. A red mark rose immediately afterwards and Ash couldn’t help a slightly hysterical laugh.
“Shut the fuck up!” Adam yelled, voice breaking. He grabbed a pencil and stuck it into the wall before leaving the room and slamming the door loudly behind him.
The scissors, the paint, now the wall, it felt like he couldn’t breathe. Too many things needed fixing and as he tried to focus on just one, another one kept popping up at him and it was like there were no breaks. Eyes unfocused and hands shaking, he curled up against the back of the bed.
Valissity looked down at her younger brother sadly but Ash’s eyes were glued to the floor. Bit by agonising bit, the green splat just kept on pooling out onto the floor. A strange hollowness hit his stomach and somehow it was like no matter how much he tried to breathe, he wasn’t getting any air.
Picking the now mostly empty pieces of paint packet off of the floor, he walked over to the desk and pulled out the roll of paper napkins he kept standby to wrap it up in. Putting the parcel gently aside, he walked back jerkily to the stain and grabbed the paper towel.
Every wipe just smudged the stuff everywhere and he was hyperventilating. Val kept trying to talk to him, ask him something, but it all fell on deaf ears. Literally, he couldn’t hear her anymore wherever he was now.
Bleach! That was it, he just needed bleach. Standing up and managing to not fall back down again, he started towards the cleaning closet but Val grabbed his hand.
His fingers were still shaking so she guided him to the bed and sat him down carefully, and grabbing his hands to keep them still. “Calm down,” she told him harshly.
Like it was a tangible thing, he could feel the panic sliding up his throat and it was actually choking him. Tears finally arrived and he let out a sob. “I’m so sorry,” he just choked out. “I’m sorry about everything. This is all my fault.”
“No,” she told him, still in that gentle I-know-you’re-fragile voice she’d coined back in the first grade when she had decided to become the on school counsellor over lunch break. “It’s not your fault at all. But this thing… that you have. It’s seriously not healthy. Maybe you should just be talking to somebody about it.”
It was worse. He hadn’t imagined it could get worse but it was worse. And beyond Val’s admittedly horrifying words was the hole in the wall. His gaze was glued to it and rushing up out of Val’s grip, he ran to the bathroom to throw up into the sink.
Now the world was spinning. His feet fell out from underneath him and he slipped onto the hard tiled floor. Crying uncontrollably, he looked down at where he sat. The floor was grimy and sort of unclean too.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he grabbed a hand towel and washed it quickly under the tap to start cleaning it. Relief washed over him and he just tried to focus on that. Focus on cleaning and just cleaning. Not focusing on Valissity standing in the doorway looking worried as hell. Not focusing on the fact that his room was a disaster and going back in there would just bring on another round of vomiting. Not focus on the fact that Adam was going to kick his ass after the total humiliating mess he’d been in there.
No, he just tried to focus on the floor. Until he could see his face in it.