A Stitch Away From Making a Scar...

“She could have died.”
Ashton sat still at the foot of his bed, and just nodded. “I know and I’m sorry about that, seriously. But… it was sort of your fault, you know.”
Adam’s face hardened. “No, it fucking wasn’t. I wasn’t the one who was complaining to her and making her worry and everything. And about what? A little… mess,” voice trailing off, Adam knocked a pencil off the desk a little teasingly.
Swallowing hard, Ashton just looked up to the ceiling and tried not to notice it at all. “No, that’s not it. I didn’t even say anything, you know. You were the one who freaked her out so stop blaming me for everything.”
“What?” Adam’s voice held a note of incredibility, like he hadn’t expected to be talked back to.
“Yeah,” biting his lip, Ashton looked down again, his fingers tapping against the carpet. “I’m not just going to let you a total selfish dick about everything, you know. Val slapped you in the face, not me-.”
The noise cut Ashton off mid-sentence as Adam swept up everything on Ash’s desk and dropped it onto the floor. Taking a deep calming breath and trying to not think about it too much, Ash just tapped his fingers faster and tried blinking really fast to get rid of the thoughts and urges that were not going to be the things that let Adam win.
“What the fuck are you doing with your face?” Adam let out a laugh, unable to help himself and just smiled.
Pick the pencils off the ground, now! They were everywhere and all the colours were played across the carpet like some strange attempt at contempary art. It was literally scratching at the back of his skull that they were just going to lie there smugly in their disorder and messiness was just as bad as letting Adam win.
“Do you want to pick them up?” Adam teased, kicking the pencil holder so it rolled to stop at Ash’s legs. “You can’t help it, can you? You know why, because you’re a freak, ok. And it’s not even the same thing as Val, okay. So don’t act like you guys have some special connection okay. You cry if I spill glitter on your bed and she tried to die. It’s not the fucking same thing!”
Ash went cold. “Wait, when did you put glitter in my bed?”
Flinching at the laughter that preceded his inquiry, Ashton felt his resolve slipping and he wanted his things back in place. “I know I’m not like Val,” he gritted his teeth. “Doesn’t mean… that, well, that I don’t matter? Just because I’m not- like that.”
Raising one sun bleached brown eyebrow, Adam just shook his head with a slight disappointed smile. “No,” he sighed. “No, how about we just ask Valissity to clean up your room then? And she can do the dishes and we can just ignore her, then. That sound good to you? You want your fucking attention?”
“No,” tears were burning behind his eyes already and Ash just shook his head sharply. “No, I didn’t actually-.”
“She can sort your clothes.” The drawers were pulled out one by one as he spoke, pacing back across the room.
“And put them in your freakish colour order.” T-shirts flew across the floor and gathered like water around Ash’s shaking form. Jeans, jackets, socks, like rain.
“Put away all your books, all everyone’s books actually! Every. One. In. Order.” Book after book tumbled once again off the shelf and Ash let out a sob, wide golden eyes taking in the disaster unfolding before him like it was all going to destroy him.
Adam finally turned to smile sadly. “Sound’s perfect, hey?”
“I didn’t mean that,” Ash retorted softly, speaking fast so that a sob wouldn’t break into his voice. “Just- Adam, please just-.”
“What are you doing?”
Ashton looked down. Yeah, he was folding the clothes. But if he just focused on that it would all be simpler, right. Fixable, because everything was going to be fixed and he could handle it. Right?
“You are such a loser,” Adam rolled his eyes. Bending over slightly, fringe falling momentarily over his eyes; he picked up the silver scissors again. Their perfect surface had been thoroughly rinsed until they once again gleamed and were no longer green at all.
“Hey Ash,” speaking in a high pitched, jeering voice, Adam waved the scissors around in Ash’s face. “What would you do if I cut up one of your shirts? Or even just… a shoe, or your hair…? Would you cry?”
“Go away!” Ash yelled. “Go away, go away, go away!”
Adam stumbled a bit, and the scissors fell to the ground. Head swirling, and that same intense panic sliding up his throat, Ash just threw his head down into his lap and held his hands over his ears to block absolutely everything out. It all needed to go away right now and right here. Especially the voices that were inside of his head.
Fix it or something bad will happen. You’ve got a minute. If it’s not clean by then, something will happen really badly. Someone will get hurt. Fix it. Clean it up. Wash it off.
“Go AWAY!” Ash screamed into the bundle of shirts resting on his knees. “JUST GO AWAY, GO AWAY, GO AWAY!”
Shooting him an intensely worried look, Adam darted out of the room. It was too loud in here and honestly he had no intention of being caught in the act by Valissity again.
So Ash was left on his own. Things had been so hard lately. He wanted to call Luca but it would hurt even more walking back into this room if he left it like this. The longer it remained out of order the less time he had.
Obviously Val showed up at the door. He’d been too loud. Silently cursing himself, he wanted to tell her he was okay but he couldn’t do it. Something was stopping him from talking. When he opened his mouth he could only sob and shake and it was hurting so badly. He wanted it to go away.
“I’m- fuck!” he exclaimed. There wasn’t even any way to explain why he was freaking out so much over some spilt pencils, some books and some clothes on the ground. It was all so pathetic and stupid. You’re pathetic and stupid. “FUCK!” he yelled. “SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”
“Ash!” Val’s eyes were wide and horrified, her hands gripping his wrists tightly and her words begging him to stay calm. “Sweetie, this is it okay. I’m over it. I won’t let him do this to you okay. And you have to let someone help you. If you… if you don’t want to have therapy I get that. It isn’t for everyone. But you can’t do this by yourself, Ash. I love you. Don’t keep thinking you’re alone.”
“I’m sorry,” he sobbed, nose bright red. “I don’t know what’s going on with me. I can’t even… handle all of this. It’s too messed up. Everything’s just too messed up.”
“I’ll help you out,” she smiled. “Come on, you tell me what to do and it’ll be okay. It’ll all go back to the way it’s supposed to be. It’s okay, sweetie. It’ll be okay.”
And he told her which clothes went where and how he knew the exact order his books went after having to clean them up so often lately. They talked whilst clicking textas together in colour order and putting pencils away in their container.
Not once did she call him out for wanting things to be perfect or fixing up almost everything she put away just a little bit. It wasn’t as stressful if Val was here and he found himself honestly calming down. The room was normal again, he could breathe.
Looking up at her, his heart swollen, he smiled wearily. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Oh my god, thank you so much.”
And then it was all okay. Fragile as it was, he could feel it. Hope I guess, maybe?