Love Buzz

I hate to bring up the subject of the media again, but it was like your typical teen movie; the guy gets the…er…guy. But what was on Kurt’s and my mind was how we were going to keep this a secret from Courtney, the press, and the fans. Nirvana wasn’t exactly underground, so it would be chaos if news got out that Kurt Cobain and Dave Grohl were secretly dating. We wouldn’t be able to so much as stick our noses out of our doors forever.

Which is exactly why I’m heading out the door to meet Kurt at Slappy’s. Oh, how I contradict myself sometimes. But that’s what they call dating, even if you were doing it in secret; you have to go somewhere sometime. And I loved Kurt, so why not have a dinner or two with him?

Or so I tell myself. This is harder than it looks, secretly dating a married person who is your same gender. Don’t try it; it’s not nearly as glamorous and exciting as everyone thinks.

I open the car door and get into the driver’s seat, but I don’t make any means to start the car. This was wrong…I didn’t like Courtney, but it wasn’t fair that I was slowly stealing her husband away from her. And Frances…she was such a sweet kid; if Kurt leaves her, then Courtney would corrupt her, and who knows what she’d grow up to become. I should just call and cancel…

No. That would be cowardly; I started this, so I have to see it through to the end. I would never forgive myself if I did that. I hated myself at that moment; I always had to go and start something, go on a wild goose chase, and watch it crash and burn.

But maybe, this would be different. Wouldn’t that be something? The one love story that didn’t blow up in everybody’s faces like the kid who tried to make a chicken in his room. After sighing and closing my eyes once more, I started the car, and started to drive to my doom - er - date. I was exaggerating, as always, making things seem bigger than they really were. There were plenty of ways we could keep this under wraps, and it was not going to blow up in our faces. Kurt and I were smart, respectable men, we could think of something. I turned on the radio as I drove, not minding that it was our own song that was playing. In my moment of confidence, I looked onto the dashboard and realized that something was missing.

…Oh, crap! I forgot my wallet!

Soon enough, I had gotten everything settled; my wallet was in tact and in my pocket, and I had miraculously not run over any stop signs or little old ladies in my frenzy to get to Slappy’s; thanks to my little freak out I was late, so no points for me.

“Well,” Kurt laughed, spooning some macaroni and cheese into his mouth, and looking up at the ceiling in thought. “At least you’re here, right?”

I couldn’t help but agree; who knows what kind of disaster would have ensued if I hadn’t been here at all. Kurt was pretty mellow most of the time, but if you made him mad, it was like seeing a pregnant woman with chronic PMS and a husband who always screwed up. I wouldn’t hear the end of it.

The rest of the date went smoothly, but I couldn’t shake the fact that something could be going very wrong right now. I looked behind me, only seeing a woman in a sunhat and sunglasses looking right back at me…totally not creepy. I looked back around at Kurt, who was looking me up and down curiously.

“Are you okay, Dave? You’re acting weird again…”

Normally, I would say nothing was wrong, but I felt that it would just make things worse if I lied to Kurt…he was my second half (as cheesy as it is to say); he’d understand…I think. I hoped.

“I dunno, I just keep getting the feeling like something bad is going to happen…you know. Between us.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, closing them. I could tell that he had been worrying about that too, but just chose not to show it. Oops. I instantly looked down at my half-full plate, hoping that I hadn’t put him off. I felt Kurt’s eyes on me again, and my heart instantly plummeted. I wished I hadn’t brought the subject up and waited for it to pass.

“Don’t worry so much, Dave, you’re going to turn your beautiful hair gray. Nothing bad‘s going to happen. I promise.”

It sounded so sincere when he said it. I almost got mad at him then; how could he be so sure, in a society that rejects you if you were any different from the guy next to you? How could he be so confident that nothing was going to happen to us? My heart almost broke. I can’t do this. I had to break up with him quick before anything decided to crash, but I couldn’t bring myself to hurt him like that. What am I thinking? I’m falling apart. He was right. I shouldn’t worry so much. But still, even walking out of the diner with him and seeing that old lady with the sunhat…something just felt really wrong.