Mutually Exclusive

1999

The crowd was deafening, crushing, all-consuming. She had never felt so alive before then, standing directly in front of the stage. She writhed with the crowd, danced and cheered and screamed.

Her eyes locked with his on stage, and she felt an electrical jolt through her body. The guitar was an extension of his body, and he was so into the music, such a part of it. She could feel his presence in the vibrations around her, felt him caress her body with the chords he so naturally strummed. She felt so connected to him in that moment as his fingers danced up the neck of the guitar, and shared with him in the euphoria as he strummed the final note of his solo and felt it crash into her.

And then he jumped off the stage and she was suddenly completely consumed by him as his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her even further into him as his lips crashed down on hers, and she kissed him just as hungrily and desperately back.

“This is what I want,” he finally breathed once he tore away. “You. Right here. For every show. Right in front of me, so I can play for you. Just you.”

She smiled and kissed him again.



They were both breathing heavily as they collapsed on the bed. He rolled over and wrapped his arms around her body, trapping her as he nuzzled her neck.

“Are you sure you can’t come on this tour with us?”

She giggled as his breath tickled her skin. He loved the sound of her laugh. “Classes start in a month, I can’t.”

“Hmpf,” he pouted. He started applying butterfly kisses to the curve between her neck and shoulder, the kind he knew she couldn’t resist. “So tour with us until then.”

She sighed, and he grinned as he watched a small shiver run through her. “I told you, I want to have my own place by then, so I need to work.”

He sighed and rolled over on his back, resting one arm behind his head while she still laid on his other. “You know, when we get back from this, I’ll have enough money for us to get a place.”

She rolled over, too, resting her head on his shoulder and curling her body around his. “I know you will,” she said quietly, “but I need to do this.”



He watched her from the doorway. She was hunched over a book at the table, her hair spilling down in her face from her ponytail. She had never been more beautiful to him. He walked into the room until he stood over her shoulder. She didn’t look up.

Gently he began rubbing her shoulders. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she replied, still not looking up from her textbook. Frowning, he leaned down and started kissing her shoulder, making his way up her neck. She shrugged him off, though. “I’m studying.”

His hands dropped to his sides. “You’re always studying. Can’t you do that while I’m gone?”

“No, I can’t.” She turned in her seat to look at him. “The rest of my life doesn’t stop just because you’re home.”

“I know,” he huffed, “I just meant – you’re always at work or school, I feel like we never see each other, even when I’m not on tour.”

“I have other obligations; I have to support myself and pay rent—”

“If you’d move in with me,” his voice was starting to raise, “you wouldn’t have to worry so much about that stuff, especially while we’re on tour—”

“But I have school,” she interrupted, her tone matching his in frustration, “and I have to pay for my tuition and books and fees—”

“Take classes while we’re not touring,” he countered, “it’s community college, they have shorter courses and stuff for people who—”

“I’m not talking about community college.”

His brows furrowed. He opened his mouth to say something then closed it again. “What do you mean?” he finally voiced.

She sighed, turning away from him and back to her book. “I’ve told you. There’s that performing arts school in New York. I’m applying to it.”

He took a deep breath, and as he exhaled he felt all of his irritation leave with it. New York was completely across the country. “You…” he cleared his throat and started again, “The band, the guys…things are taking off, everything we’ve wanted…” he placed his hands on her shoulders. “…our dreams are starting to come true.” He bent down, pressing the side of his face into her hair as he whispered in her ear, “You can’t leave.”

She reached up and grabbed both of his hands with her own, crossing them across her body so that he was embracing her.

“I have dreams, too, Brian.”



Carefully, she slid out from under his arm and away from the comfort he provided. She quietly dressed in the dim light that spilled from the bathroom, so terrified of the thought of waking him up and having to ruin this memory.

Standing by the bed, watching him sleep, he was the most beautiful thing on the planet she could imagine. Her heart ached to crawl back into his embrace pretend this was all just a dream. Pulling the envelope out of her jacket pocket and thinking about its contents, she knew she couldn’t bear to do that either. She laid it on the pillow next to him. He’d see it in the morning.

She walked out into the living room where all their luggage was packed and ready to leave the next day for the tour. She picked up her two bags and carried them outside to the porch just in time to see the taxi she had already called drive up.

Then she was gone.