Dreams Without Courage

I woke up the next morning in a cold sweat, my eyes wet with tears as I sat straight up only to groan and grab my head in pain.

Damn headaches.

"Pay… Tohr…" I croaked, my throat felt raw.

I heard feet running up the stairs and figured they heard me, I was right.

They both ran in the door, worried expression on their faces dropping off when they saw my eyes open and me sitting up holding my head.

"Headache?" ask Tohr.

I just nodded my head and whimpered.

Why must they be so loud?

Pay immediately shushed Tohrment and pushed him out of the room to go get me some painkillers and a glass of water.

I lay back on my bed, arm over my eyes to hide from the glaring lights.

They came back with the stuff and made I sat up to take the Advil before asking the dreaded question.

"How bad was I?"

I looked right at them and they exchanged looks.

"Well," started Tohr, "You were screaming, and crying…"

I sighed and held my head in my hands, arms resting on my knees, it was worse then I thought it was apparently.

"Z, is there something you're not telling us? You weren't… You weren't there, and you kept mumbling things…"

Concern enveloped Pay's eyes.

I sighed yet again and sniffled, starting to hiccup as tears fell again from my bloodshot eyes.

They heard it and saw me shaking slightly from crying.

They sat on the bed and wrapped me in a comforting hug, trying to stop my flow of tears.

"…Fuck…"

The tears wouldn't stop; I just couldn’t stem the flow of salty tears down my face.

"…I didn’t want either of you to worry…"

I whispered, finally getting control over the tears and calming myself down to sniffles and hiccups again.

I am weak…

That's what that memory does to me… makes me at my worst, makes me vulnerable to things, like crying.

Tohr and Pay were still hugging me but I could tell they were waiting for what I was going to say.

"Zig… You still get the night terrors don’t you?" asked Tohr sadly.

I couldn’t speak so I just silently nodded my head.

"Dammit."

I glanced over at Payne, begging him with my eyes not to tell mother and father.

If they knew I still got the terrors they might put me in therapy again.

I could never survive that again.

Therapy was similar to a mental hell on Earth.

No kidding.

"Think you can brave school today?" I turned to Tohr.

"Do I really have a choice if I don’t want people to know?"

Payne shook his head no.

I sighed and shooed them out of the room so I could get ready for school.

Some kids call school hell, and it is pretty bad…

But it's nothing compared to the mental agony I have to deal with.

--Time lapse--

We walked into the school building to see the guys waving us over.

I still had a major headache so I was leaning on Payne.

He didn’t really mind though, and had his arm wrapped around my waist for support, he knew how weak I really was today, half dead.

Zacky was the one who noticed first.

"Zsadist, what's wrong? You look like you're about to collapse!"

I groaned and buried my head in Pay's shoulder to try and drown out his loud voice.

Did he have to be that noisy? It is only 7:30 am.

"Shut up man. She's got a killer headache and feeling like shit." Tohr said in my defense.

"Oh… So Zig, what's shit feel like exactly?" asked Jon, trying to be a smart ass.

Needless to say that Tohrment didn’t like that at all.

He went all macho pissed off on Jon.

"I said shut up," he yelled in a whisper, "Just back the hell off!"

He was glaring at them with the evil eye.

Way too protective, but today, I'll deal with it.

"Okay man. Sorry…"

Jon looked slightly scared of Tohr now.

I was laughing softly in my mind, but of course only I heard it though.

Then we all walked to our first class, me still leaning on my twin.

After that class the boys decided to take turns with whom I leaned on.

I think their exact words, from the boys I mean, not my twins, were 'share the hot chick guys! Just cause she's your sister…'

Need I say that scared me?

Finally we got to the last block of the day, unfortunately that was Art, and I wasn’t very creative today, plus Zacky was still being really loud saying I was hung over.