I'm Not Okay

I sighed and pulled out my phone to text Gerard, I know I just told him to leave but I wanted to know why he left me the money, and why it was that much money. I told him I didn’t need nor want it. I really didn’t feel like talking to him so I just decided to text him.

“Why the money and why so much?” I asked.

“Because whether we have a relationship or not he’s still my son as well, and you paid for so much, please don’t rip it up, keep it as college funds. Every month I’ll send some money for college, please at least let me do that.” He typed back; I really was hoping he wasn’t texting and driving. But Gerard was right, I couldn’t afford to send him to a nice college and he deserves to go. Fuck Gerard.

“Fine.” I typed back.

He didn’t reply after that so I decided to start sorting through some of the things that arrived and to make a list of all the things I still needed to get, which surprising was still a lot. Around halfway through my phone buzzed with a text from Gerard.

“We still need to talk.”

“Not really.” I replied, besides the band I couldn’t really think of reason for us to talk, hell according to Lynz we weren’t even supposed to be talking.

“We we do Frank, can I go to your next appointment? Is he gonna have my last name or yours? Both of ours? Can I help with his first name? Will I be there when you push? Are you even pushing? When will I be able to visit him?” He typed back in a matter of seconds… I guess he proved me wrong.

“Fine come back over.” I typed.

He was right; we still had a lot to talk about. It would just be easier on all of us if we got it out of the way now. After I sent the message he didn’t respond so I guess he was coming over, and a few minutes later when I heard my door open and he sat down on the sofa next to me, it confirmed that thought.

“So what do you wanna talk about?” I asked leaning back against the sofa and rubbing my belly, I was still enjoying the feeling of him kicking me.

“What’s his name going to be?”

“I was thinking either, Lucas Emilio Iero or Bryce Antonio Iero.”

“So no Way in there?” He asked sadly.

I shook my head.

“I like Bryce Antonio.” He said quietly.

“Then Bryce it is,” I agreed, he looked really happy that he got to help in choosing a name. “What else?”

“So how is he gonna come out?”

“I don’t know yet, next time I go to the doctor I’ll ask.”

“Can I go with you to your next appointment?”

“Uh… Maybe, if you’re free and I feel like you should be there.”

He nodded then continued, “I want to be there when you push.”

“Like in the room?”

“Preferable, or in the waiting room if you want.”

“You can be in the waiting room, I’m not so sure about wanting you in the room. It will depend.”

“I wanna see him when he’s born, like a lot.”

“How will your wife feel about that?” I asked.

“She’s not gonna like it but he’s my son.”

“But she’s not gonna know that.”

“I know but-”

“No buts Gerard, I swear if she finds out or comes anywhere near him you will never see his face again.” I threatened.

He closed his mouth and sunk back into the sofa, a saw a few tears slide down his face and I kinda felt bad for him. But I wanted that she-witch nowhere near my precious little baby. After a few minutes of awkward silence I decided to be a bit nice to Gerard.

“If you want after he’s born,” He stopped crying and looked up at me, “You are welcomed to come by only if you call first, or facetime me and I’ll let you see him.”

He nodded and thanked me, I could tell after I got mad at him he didn’t want to push me anymore so we remained silent.

“Call Mikey and Ray.” I demanded.

“Why?”

“Ray is the only one who doesn’t know about the baby, I need to tell him.”