I'm Not Okay
021
"You what? Mom! I said I didn't want him to know! I wanted him to focus on getting better, and then he can focus on Bryce."
"That's really dumb Frank." Gerard said walking in the room with a bad of ice up his shirt against his now closed wound, "If your mom didn't tell us, I would still be getting stitches and wouldn't have been able to hold Bryce for the first two weeks of his life. Instead I talked to the doctor and said it was an emergency and he stapled me rather than stitched me up. By doing that, it heals better and I get to hold him sooner. Don't be mad at your mom, she did the right thing." He said smiling at me as he took a seat and held my hand with his free hand.
"So you're not mad at me for not telling you?" I asked.
"I'm at a little hurt you didn't want me here, but you were putting me first so I can't be mad at that." He said then smiled and kissed my forehead. "But let's not think about that; let's think about our son and how he'll be here soon."
"Thank you." I said and smiled at him, but my smile quickly left me because I got another contraction.
My face scrunched up in pain and I squeezed the hell out of Gerard's hand. When it passed he was looking at me with a face full of worry. I moved over on my bed a bit and tapped the spot next to me, signaling him to lay with me. He moved on my bed and wrapped my free arm over me and I cuddled into his chest.
"Okay frank," Dr. Shannon said as she came in the room, "I have the IV, it's time."
I closed my eyes and whimpered.
"Everything is gonna be okay." Gerard whispered to me then kissed my forehead and got off the bed.
"Okay Frank, I'm gonna start with giving you a large dose then followed by smaller ones, it's normal to feel nausea's so just tell us if you are and well give you something for it, okay?"
"Okay." I said in a small voice.
Dr. Shannon gave me a small smile before she injected the IV, after a bit she left to attend the other patients she had. At first I didn't feel anything but all of a sudden I got bit with a wave of nausea and I didn't feel good.
"Ugh!" I groaned out and wrapped my arms around my belly.
"Are you okay?" Mikey asked.
"Do I look okay?" I hissed at him.
He shut up after that, I felt bad for snapping at him but I don't feel good at all.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you." I apologized.
"It's okay frank, I'd be cranky of I were you to."
After that there was barely any talking, I don't think anyone wanted to poke the bear again. But I felt like complete shit for the first hour, but I felt a bit better after Dr. Shannon. Came back in and lowered the dose; but I still felt pretty shitty. My mom and Mikey left a few times to go get some food but Gerard never left my side once. He sent Mikey out for his food and coffee so he could be there for me. He even got me to eat a little; the doctor said I should get something because when the time gets closer for Bryce go come out I wouldn't be able to eat anything. But me being so nauseas I didn't want to, but Gerard had a gift with words and got me to eat a roll of bread - and can I just say hospital food is nasty.
"Okay frank, it's time to inject him with the steroids." Dr. Shannon said upon entering.
I've been here about twelve hours and now it was about four in the morning, both my mom and Gerard were sleeping next to me. We sent Mikey home to go get some sleep in a real bed, also when he returns he is gonna pick up the car seat we were looking at.
"And you’re sure that's the safest thing to do?" I asked again.
"Yes it is Frank. It will give your son a better chance, his lungs will be better developed and he will have a better immune system."
"Okay."
She came closer to me with the needle.
"Wait!" I yelled and she stopped, "can I see him one more time, before you inject him? Please?"
"Okay frank, I'll be back with the portable ultrasound."
When Dr. Shannon left I sighed and looked down at Gerard. He was asleep down at my side and I thought he might want to see Bryce one last time so I lightly shook him awake. But instead of him waking up softly, he bolted upright and looked like a deer in headlights.
"What? What's wrong?" He asked looking around the room; I couldn't help but laugh at him.
"Dr. Shannon is gonna let us see Bryce before she puts in the steroids... I thought you might wanna be awake to see him one last time."
"Frank, it's not gonna be the last time we see him, it's just gonna be the last time we see him in your belly; next time he'll be all clean and in your arms." He smiled at me.
I smiled back at him and reached over to peck his lips. His lips lingered on mine for a bit then he pulled away and stretched. But when he lifted his arms over his head he gasped in pain and covered his wound. I couldn't help but feel guilty, if it wasn't for me: he never would have gotten stabbed, cheated on his wife, or gotten stabbed.
"Don't." He warned.
"What?"
"Don't look guilty, taking a knife is nothing compared to what I would take for you and Bryce." He smiled at me through the pain that was still present on his face, and then he leaned down at kissed my lips.
"That's really dumb Frank." Gerard said walking in the room with a bad of ice up his shirt against his now closed wound, "If your mom didn't tell us, I would still be getting stitches and wouldn't have been able to hold Bryce for the first two weeks of his life. Instead I talked to the doctor and said it was an emergency and he stapled me rather than stitched me up. By doing that, it heals better and I get to hold him sooner. Don't be mad at your mom, she did the right thing." He said smiling at me as he took a seat and held my hand with his free hand.
"So you're not mad at me for not telling you?" I asked.
"I'm at a little hurt you didn't want me here, but you were putting me first so I can't be mad at that." He said then smiled and kissed my forehead. "But let's not think about that; let's think about our son and how he'll be here soon."
"Thank you." I said and smiled at him, but my smile quickly left me because I got another contraction.
My face scrunched up in pain and I squeezed the hell out of Gerard's hand. When it passed he was looking at me with a face full of worry. I moved over on my bed a bit and tapped the spot next to me, signaling him to lay with me. He moved on my bed and wrapped my free arm over me and I cuddled into his chest.
"Okay frank," Dr. Shannon said as she came in the room, "I have the IV, it's time."
I closed my eyes and whimpered.
"Everything is gonna be okay." Gerard whispered to me then kissed my forehead and got off the bed.
"Okay Frank, I'm gonna start with giving you a large dose then followed by smaller ones, it's normal to feel nausea's so just tell us if you are and well give you something for it, okay?"
"Okay." I said in a small voice.
Dr. Shannon gave me a small smile before she injected the IV, after a bit she left to attend the other patients she had. At first I didn't feel anything but all of a sudden I got bit with a wave of nausea and I didn't feel good.
"Ugh!" I groaned out and wrapped my arms around my belly.
"Are you okay?" Mikey asked.
"Do I look okay?" I hissed at him.
He shut up after that, I felt bad for snapping at him but I don't feel good at all.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you." I apologized.
"It's okay frank, I'd be cranky of I were you to."
After that there was barely any talking, I don't think anyone wanted to poke the bear again. But I felt like complete shit for the first hour, but I felt a bit better after Dr. Shannon. Came back in and lowered the dose; but I still felt pretty shitty. My mom and Mikey left a few times to go get some food but Gerard never left my side once. He sent Mikey out for his food and coffee so he could be there for me. He even got me to eat a little; the doctor said I should get something because when the time gets closer for Bryce go come out I wouldn't be able to eat anything. But me being so nauseas I didn't want to, but Gerard had a gift with words and got me to eat a roll of bread - and can I just say hospital food is nasty.
"Okay frank, it's time to inject him with the steroids." Dr. Shannon said upon entering.
I've been here about twelve hours and now it was about four in the morning, both my mom and Gerard were sleeping next to me. We sent Mikey home to go get some sleep in a real bed, also when he returns he is gonna pick up the car seat we were looking at.
"And you’re sure that's the safest thing to do?" I asked again.
"Yes it is Frank. It will give your son a better chance, his lungs will be better developed and he will have a better immune system."
"Okay."
She came closer to me with the needle.
"Wait!" I yelled and she stopped, "can I see him one more time, before you inject him? Please?"
"Okay frank, I'll be back with the portable ultrasound."
When Dr. Shannon left I sighed and looked down at Gerard. He was asleep down at my side and I thought he might want to see Bryce one last time so I lightly shook him awake. But instead of him waking up softly, he bolted upright and looked like a deer in headlights.
"What? What's wrong?" He asked looking around the room; I couldn't help but laugh at him.
"Dr. Shannon is gonna let us see Bryce before she puts in the steroids... I thought you might wanna be awake to see him one last time."
"Frank, it's not gonna be the last time we see him, it's just gonna be the last time we see him in your belly; next time he'll be all clean and in your arms." He smiled at me.
I smiled back at him and reached over to peck his lips. His lips lingered on mine for a bit then he pulled away and stretched. But when he lifted his arms over his head he gasped in pain and covered his wound. I couldn't help but feel guilty, if it wasn't for me: he never would have gotten stabbed, cheated on his wife, or gotten stabbed.
"Don't." He warned.
"What?"
"Don't look guilty, taking a knife is nothing compared to what I would take for you and Bryce." He smiled at me through the pain that was still present on his face, and then he leaned down at kissed my lips.