I'm Not Okay

It's been three days since I had my peanut, and I swear I look like the living dead. I'm so damn tired, I rarely ever sleep, Gerard doesn't sleep much either even bough he couldn't help, he still got up with me and watched me as I took care of Bryce. We went to the doctor two days ago to see if he could get staples out but they said he had to wait a few more days. My mom and Mikey had come by to help out a bit and let me catch up on some sleep, I was thankful of that but I couldn't sleep much because I was worried about my baby being away from me. Call me crazy but I only trusted myself and Gerard with him, I find it funny how a few months ago I wanted nothing to do with Gerard and him to come nowhere near my baby but now if someone were to come over and I was sleeping, Gerard had to be in the room to make sure they were doing everything the way I wanted it done.

Right now I was hold peanut in my lap with his head on my chest, he was still too little to support his own head. But as I wrapped my arm around him and held him close, I put one of my fingers up to his hand and he grasped it and started to move around holding my finger. I took a picture of his hand and my finger; you could see all my tattoos so you knew it was my hand. But I didn't just take that picture for the cuteness of it all; I was gonna post it on twitter, to announce that I have a son. For the caption I put "Welcome home Bryce, daddy loves you." And posted it. Seconds later my twitter exploded with question and comments, I laughed and put Bryce down for a nap before posting again, "for all those who are wondering, I adopted Bryce a few days ago, but he is and will always be my son". After that I really didn't care about twitter and put my phone away before making some food, while I was cooking Gerard came down with his phone in hand.

"You told the world about peanut?"

"Yeah, I can't keep him a secret forever." I said as I finished the pasta.

"I wish we can tell the world about us." He said and came over to me and wrapped me in his arms. I snuggled myself closer to him and breathed him in, he smelled like coffee and cigarettes.

"I think we should tell the world about your divorce first. Or maybe you should get a divorce first." I said, after all, technically he was still married.

"I know, but lynz is still in the mental ward and since she's in there they say she can't really make life changing choices. And she won't get out for two more weeks." He said pouting.

"It'll be okay baby." I said as I got closer and kissed him, "It kinda turns me on being with a married man." I mumbled against his lips, he smirked against my lips and pulled me closer.

"Where's Bryce?" He asked pushing me against the fridge and attacking my neck with his mouth.

"Just put him down for a nap." I gasped.

"So we have two hours." He said trailing his hands under my shirt and he began to play with my nipples.

I giggled and pulled his head up to mine and shoved my tongue in his mouth. He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him and I jumped on him and wrapped my legs around his waist. It took him a second to catch his balance but he did and took us over to the sofa and dropped us down with him on top of me. I ran both my hands through his hair as he started to Palm me through my jeans, I gasped in pleasure.

"G-Gerard." I gasped as he removed both of our shirts.

"Hmmm?" He said as he started to attack my neck.

"We can't have sex; Dr. Shannon said I have to wait five weeks."

"Damnit! What about frontage?" He asked.

"Sounds great." I said as I pulled his lips back down to mine, he smirked against my lips then moved down to my pants.

When he unbuckled them I started to get nervous, I have done anything sexual since Bryce was conceived, and I'm pretty sure Gerard had done it with Lynz a few times.

"Don't be nervous." He said as he kissed my lips, it's like he could read my mind. When he pulled away from my lips he pulled my pants, along with my boxers, down to my ankle then seconds later his own.

I was already half hard and from the looks of it, Gerard was already hard. He noticed I wasn't fully there so he wrapped his hard around my member and started to pump me, I grabbed into his shoulders tightly and held back a moan; I was beginning to see stars when his hand pulled away, I whined in complaint and Gerard just laughed at me.

"Beg." He commanded.

"P-please Gerard, I-I'm s-so close."

"Not good enough." He said as he started to rub my thighs, I wanted it so badly.

"Please Gerard, rub you cock against mine and create beautiful friction." I begged him finding my voice.

"Very good Frankie," he said before he dug his hips into mine.

I wasn't expecting it but when his member roughly grinned up against mine I let out a loud moan and Gerard's hands instantly covered my mouth.

"Shh, don't wake peanut up." He said, I nodded before he dug his hips against mine again and I had to but his shoulder to hold in my moan.

He hissed in pain and pleasure and kept digging his hips against mine and creating beautiful friction. It didn't take long for me to begin to see stars again, it had been so long, anything could throw me over the edge. Soon enough I experienced a pleasure I hadn't in a long time.

"GERARD!" I screamed out before I came on both of our stomachs. After I came down from my high Gerard rolled off of me and began to pump himself until he came all over his stomach.

"You didn't last long." He commented.

"I hadn't gotten any action since we conceived the baby." I told him.

He laughed at me before picking up his shirt and cleaning both of our stomachs up.

"That's gross."

"Yeah well so am I." He told me before he pecked me lips.

Our kiss was interrupted by a high pitch screaming coming from upstairs, I sighed and put my clothes back on before heading up the stairs to check on him. He had a full diaper; I wasn't really in the mood to change it.

"Gerard!" I yelled. A few seconds he came running up the stairs.

"What? What's wrong?" He asked looking between me and the baby.

"Come here and change his diaper." I said putting him down on his changing table.

"Really?" He asked coming over and taking off his clothes.

"By the way," I said as I walked out of the room but paused at the door. "Watch out for the pee." I said

"The what?" He asked after I left the room, a few seconds later I heard Gerard.

"Oh god peanut my mouth was open." I couldn't stop myself from laughing as I went downstairs.