I'm Not Okay
037
******** Two weeks later********
For the next two weeks Gerard stayed by my side. My mom came over to help us with Bryce which was nice but she kept giving me pity looks which I really hated. Gerard on the other hand wanted me to take it really easy, like to the point where I didn't really walk, he would carry me everywhere I needed to go. When I needed to shower he would run me a bath and bathe me like I was peanut or lay in the tub with me and let me lay again his chest. And at night before we would go to sleep he would kiss my lips and then kiss my stomach twice. I appreciate the gesture I just don't want to get my hopes up, thinking I'm having two babies but then ending up losing one it would just be too much for me to handle right now. I need to stay strong for the son I do have and then maybe child I might have.
Today's the day though; Gerard and I are heading out to Dr. Shannon's office to see if we can find a heartbeat on the second baby. Peanut is staying at home with Mikey and my mom watching him, I trust them I just have too much on my mind do you think about him while going to the doctor’s office today. Gerard did what he always does and carried me to the car I wouldn't let me walk a foot on my own, it's really sweet what he's doing but I'm not sure if that's really helping us or not. Throughout the car ride I'm trying to keep it strong and hide all my inner emotions but I'm failing, tears are streaming down my cheek and I try to wipe them away before Gerard could notice it, but I think he already knows.
Like always when I go to Dr. Shannon's doctor’s office there's never anyone in the waiting room and it's just the two of us but this time Gerard is here like he promised he would. I'm thankful that he staying by my side and putting aside his divorce for the babies and I, but the longer he puts aside his divorce the longer it will take them to actually get divorce; and after their divorced then we can finally announced to the public that we are together and then he can "legally" adopt the kids and we can finally be a happy family in the eyes of the public under all the lies we've created.
To be honest I don't know I'm thinking about his divorce right now, I think it's just a way to keep myself distracted from the fact that I might have lost one of my babies. One that is inside of me and I failed to protect, my only job in this part of their life.
"Ready Frank?" Dr. Shannon asked me after Gerard placed me on the examination table.
"Ready as I'll ever be." I said and lifted up my shirt.
"Everything's gonna be okay baby, just think positively." Gerard said as he started to stroke my hair.
Dr. Shannon started looking around my insides, searching for the heartbeats of my babies. When she came to one, almost the exact same one I heard last time I was here, a strong steady beat, she told me that was baby A. She kept searching around for the other baby’s heartbeat but after a few seconds I started to lose hope. But then, like a miracle a slower heartbeat was heard. I knew this one wasn't the same one as the first heartbeat we heard because this one was just a little bit different. I open my eyes and looked over to Dr. Shannon and she was looking at the monitor smiling, I turn my head over to Gerard and he was smiling too and pressing kisses alongside my hand.
"Looks like this little booger over here developed a little bit slower than its twin did. Its heartbeat is a little bit slower than the other ones, but it's nothing to worry about. Congratulations Frank and Gerard the two of you are having twins."
I covered my mouth with my hand and let out a shaky sob.
"Thank you, thank you so much Dr. Shannon." I told her as I started to cry a little bit I looked over at Gerard and he has some tears too, happy tears.
"You're welcome Frank. And I'm sorry you had to go to that little scare, hopefully this pregnancy will work out a lot better than your first one did and you might not have to go on bed rest."
"Is anything going to be different? Like from his last pregnancy?" Gerard asked.
"Yes, I do expect to start showing much sooner than you first did. Last time you didn't start showing till about eleven weeks this time I expect you start showing at about eight. But besides that, nothing else should be different, well except for the fact that in the end you're becoming out with two babies rather than just one."
"Oh my gosh," I started as I rub my hand over my belly, "I can't believe were having twins."
"When can we tell if they're boys or girls, hell or even both?" Gerard asked Dr. Shannon.
"Same time as the last pregnancy, maybe at about seventeen weeks along. And since you're only eight weeks along will be finding out and about eleven weeks."
"This is amazing news, thank you so much!" I said as I started to get off the table.
Gerard stopped me though he pick me up bridal style and started to carry me out of the door. He thanked Dr. Shannon over his shoulder as he carried me to the car and put me in the passenger seat, buckled me up, and then closed my door. I laughed as he did so, but I didn't protest either.
"What was that about? I don't think you need to carry me everywhere I go anymore."
"I know. I just like treating you like a princess." He said then leaned over and kissed my cheek.
For the next two weeks Gerard stayed by my side. My mom came over to help us with Bryce which was nice but she kept giving me pity looks which I really hated. Gerard on the other hand wanted me to take it really easy, like to the point where I didn't really walk, he would carry me everywhere I needed to go. When I needed to shower he would run me a bath and bathe me like I was peanut or lay in the tub with me and let me lay again his chest. And at night before we would go to sleep he would kiss my lips and then kiss my stomach twice. I appreciate the gesture I just don't want to get my hopes up, thinking I'm having two babies but then ending up losing one it would just be too much for me to handle right now. I need to stay strong for the son I do have and then maybe child I might have.
Today's the day though; Gerard and I are heading out to Dr. Shannon's office to see if we can find a heartbeat on the second baby. Peanut is staying at home with Mikey and my mom watching him, I trust them I just have too much on my mind do you think about him while going to the doctor’s office today. Gerard did what he always does and carried me to the car I wouldn't let me walk a foot on my own, it's really sweet what he's doing but I'm not sure if that's really helping us or not. Throughout the car ride I'm trying to keep it strong and hide all my inner emotions but I'm failing, tears are streaming down my cheek and I try to wipe them away before Gerard could notice it, but I think he already knows.
Like always when I go to Dr. Shannon's doctor’s office there's never anyone in the waiting room and it's just the two of us but this time Gerard is here like he promised he would. I'm thankful that he staying by my side and putting aside his divorce for the babies and I, but the longer he puts aside his divorce the longer it will take them to actually get divorce; and after their divorced then we can finally announced to the public that we are together and then he can "legally" adopt the kids and we can finally be a happy family in the eyes of the public under all the lies we've created.
To be honest I don't know I'm thinking about his divorce right now, I think it's just a way to keep myself distracted from the fact that I might have lost one of my babies. One that is inside of me and I failed to protect, my only job in this part of their life.
"Ready Frank?" Dr. Shannon asked me after Gerard placed me on the examination table.
"Ready as I'll ever be." I said and lifted up my shirt.
"Everything's gonna be okay baby, just think positively." Gerard said as he started to stroke my hair.
Dr. Shannon started looking around my insides, searching for the heartbeats of my babies. When she came to one, almost the exact same one I heard last time I was here, a strong steady beat, she told me that was baby A. She kept searching around for the other baby’s heartbeat but after a few seconds I started to lose hope. But then, like a miracle a slower heartbeat was heard. I knew this one wasn't the same one as the first heartbeat we heard because this one was just a little bit different. I open my eyes and looked over to Dr. Shannon and she was looking at the monitor smiling, I turn my head over to Gerard and he was smiling too and pressing kisses alongside my hand.
"Looks like this little booger over here developed a little bit slower than its twin did. Its heartbeat is a little bit slower than the other ones, but it's nothing to worry about. Congratulations Frank and Gerard the two of you are having twins."
I covered my mouth with my hand and let out a shaky sob.
"Thank you, thank you so much Dr. Shannon." I told her as I started to cry a little bit I looked over at Gerard and he has some tears too, happy tears.
"You're welcome Frank. And I'm sorry you had to go to that little scare, hopefully this pregnancy will work out a lot better than your first one did and you might not have to go on bed rest."
"Is anything going to be different? Like from his last pregnancy?" Gerard asked.
"Yes, I do expect to start showing much sooner than you first did. Last time you didn't start showing till about eleven weeks this time I expect you start showing at about eight. But besides that, nothing else should be different, well except for the fact that in the end you're becoming out with two babies rather than just one."
"Oh my gosh," I started as I rub my hand over my belly, "I can't believe were having twins."
"When can we tell if they're boys or girls, hell or even both?" Gerard asked Dr. Shannon.
"Same time as the last pregnancy, maybe at about seventeen weeks along. And since you're only eight weeks along will be finding out and about eleven weeks."
"This is amazing news, thank you so much!" I said as I started to get off the table.
Gerard stopped me though he pick me up bridal style and started to carry me out of the door. He thanked Dr. Shannon over his shoulder as he carried me to the car and put me in the passenger seat, buckled me up, and then closed my door. I laughed as he did so, but I didn't protest either.
"What was that about? I don't think you need to carry me everywhere I go anymore."
"I know. I just like treating you like a princess." He said then leaned over and kissed my cheek.