I'm Not Okay

**** One week later*****

Where the fuck is Gerard? He left and hour and a half ago to get more formula for the girls and he still isn't back. I couldn't let the girls starve so I gave them regular milk but still. Gee is napping in the rocker I have downstairs while Frankie is awake and in my arms, every time I try and put her down she starts crying so I'm walking around in circles while rocking her to keep her from crying, and Bryce is playing with some blocks in the corner of the living room. In the past week Gerard and I have had a total of ten hours combined in sleep. I thought Bryce was difficult as a baby but looking back now he was an angel; Gee and Frankie are on two completely different eating and sleeping schedules and its killing Gerard and I. I'm just thankful Bryce sleeps through the night. As I was planning to murder Gerard he walked in through the front door, he was wearing the same shirt he had been wearing for a few days now, it had baby vomit and old food on it, and his hair was a complete mess, plus he had hella dark rings under his eyes, but right now they weren't as bad.

"Really Gerard? An hour and a half to get formal?" I almost shouted at him.

"Yeah I kinda fell asleep in the parking lot." He said and scratched the back of his head.

"You're and idiot." I said and laughed.

"You're not mad?" He asked looking completely shocked.

"Nope." I said and handed him the baby. "Because I now get an hour and a half long nap. Don't wake me unless it's an emergency!" I called over my shoulder as I headed up the stairs.

***** After nap******

"Frankie baby, wake up." Gerard said as he shook me softly.

"What?" I groaned.

"It's been an hour and a half, plus Bryce is pulling himself to a standing position again, I think we should start teaching him to walk." He said.

"Yeah okay." I said as I stretched and got up, I noticed he was empty handed. "Where the girls?" I asked as we headed downstairs.

"Frankie is napping in the rocker and Gee is in the car seat awake."

I nodded, when we came downstairs Bryce was still trying to pull himself up and the girls were exactly where Gerard said they were. I pulled out my phone and started to record it while Gerard helped Bryce up and started to get him to walk. About an hour later he was getting the hang of it but not walking on his own yet, we stopped when we heard our doorbell ring, I put my phone away and went to answer it, and I was surprised to see Ray and Christina there.

"Hey Frank! My god you look like hell." He commented as I let them in.

"I would slap you but I have no energy for it."

"Yeah yeah, where are the girls?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes at him but nevertheless led him to my girls. I handed Frankie to Ray while Gerard handed Gee to Christina. As soon as they were out of our arms we collapsed on the sofa, I didn't plan on moving but Gerard grabbed me and pulled me so I was laying on him and he securely wrapped his arms around me. I was about to close my eyes but Bryce had crawled over to us and was holding his arms out to be with us. How can I say no to that? I leaned over and laid him over me and secured him to me like Gerard had secured me to him.

"Wake us up if they start crying." Gerard said then we started to drift off.

****Another nap*******

"Frank wake up." Ray said softly. I slowly opened my eyes to see him standing over me with one of my babies in his arms, I saw Christina across the room with the other one in her arms. Peanut was still asleep in my arms so I knew the nap didn't last so long.

"What's up?" I whispered Gerard was still asleep with a little bit of drool running down his mouth; I smiled down at him and carefully wiped it off without waking him.

"They smell." He informed me, he wasn't lying either, I was beginning to smell them.

"So? You know where they're changing table is."

"But-"

"I'm kidding." I said then chuckled softy and pulled peanut closer, I didn't want to wake him. "I'm gonna put Bryce in his crib, bring the girls into their room and I'll clean them up."

Ray nodded and we all went upstairs, I put Bryce down like I said I was and went into the girl’s room and changed them. Looking at the time I knew they would be hungry in a matter of minutes so I offered them to feed the girls, which they both accepted.

"So what are you gonna do next week?" Christina asked as she fed my little pumpkin.

"What's next week?" I asked completely confused.

"Seriously dude?" Ray asked.

"I just had two babies at once, I'm sorry if I can't remember." I said then stuck my tongue out at him. While they fed the girls I was on my laptop ordering pizza for Gerard and me, we haven't had time for a home cooked meal since the girls were born.

"Your first child's birthday." Ray said.

"Oh yeah."

"Really just oh yeah?"

"I knew his birthday was coming up; I'm not that bad of a parent. I've just been preoccupied. I don't know, small party, family and close friends only." I shrugged. Christina was done feeding her so I took her from her arms and burped her (little bit of vomit landing on me) then passed her back, same thing with the other baby.

"I'll take it we're invited, since we already have his present." Ray said and wiggles his eyebrows in a weird way.

"Yeah, you two, Mikey and his girlfriend, my mom, Bryan-"

"You going to invite Gerard parents?" Ray asked.

"I mean I guess Gerard will tell them about it but I highly doubt they'll come down. They were just here and left back to Jersey like a week ago."

"Yeah but it's their grandchildren." Christina tried.

"Yeah but they haven't seen Bryce in like six months. This mother met him once, criticized Gerard and I's relationship, was very rude to me if I might add and never really came around to us being a family. His dad on the other hand was happier and more accepting of us." I explained.

"Well that's good." Ray said.

"I guess. I'm just glad my mom is really supporting and everything." I said.

"Well to end on a happier note, I can make the cake if you want?" Christina offered.

"That'd be really great." I said accepting her offer.