Hold Your Breath

"You're getting married?" my mother asked again for the millionth time.

Mike and I looked at each other with raise eyesbrows before I returned back to my mother. She was not as thrilled about the idea as I had expected her to be. My mother had always adored Mike ever since we were little. Mike and I were practically inseparable.

"Yes, mom. That would be it," I answered.

Mike squeezed my hand reassuringly. Mother looked at Mike with a concerned expression.

"Have you two thought through about this? I mean did you even consider the future?" My mother asked.

Why did she have to pose such difficult questions? Mike and I looked at each other again. She did have a point though. I desperately wanted to go to Harvard and Mike wanted to continue is music career. Why hadn't we thought of that? It would be difficult to be married with someone I'd rarely be with.

My mouth gave a knowing 'uh huh', "See? Maybe you two should think about this marriage thing. Or maybe just wait until you're both ready to settle down."

I looked at Mike, "She does have a point Mike. I want to finish school before we get married."

Mike pondered the thought a bit, "I guess... I guess we don't have much of a choice."

My mother positively beamed, "There you go. You guys have four years to practice actually being a couple before you stick to each other permanently."

Great, four years of contemplation, doubts, and questions. What more could we have asked for. Mike looked a little disappointed but it didn't matter. We were promised to each other. I hugged him.

"Mike, I really don't want to," I said trying to pull myself in the opposite direction of where he was leading me.

"Oh come on, you'll like the guys," Mike replied pulling me into the garage of one of his band mates.

Mike finally managed to drag me into the garage where three guys were jamming. I gazed shyly at the three and then turned to Mike with a dangerous expression. He laughed and started to introduce us.

"Guys this her, Vic. Vic this is Topher. He's our bassist," Mike said as a guy with glasses and light brown hair took off his baseball cap and bowed to me.

"This is Riley, our bad ass guitarist," Mike said as Riley downed a can of Bud Light.

"Behind the drumset is Derrick."

The guy with black hair waved a drumstick at me.

"And there you have it Grant the Letdown," Mike said beaming at me.

I grimaced a little when he said that name. It had a way of offending me. Grant being my last name and all. Mike had brought me over because he wanted me to hear the new song they had just finished. It was actually the last song which completed their CD. I could tell they were quite excited.

Mike pulled a chair for me to sit at while he set up his guitar. Derrick counted to four and the band started to play. They were amazing, obviously. It fascinated me that they were so lyrical and passionate.

I sat there mesmerized and feeling out of place. Though I was surrounded by Mike's attention and musical vibrations, I felt somehow hollow. Somehow this was all a lie. Some way, some where... this was alternate universe and somewhere along the line I made a different choice than I should have.

But I couldn't recall what it was. It was already late January and I was waiting.... just waiting. For my acceptance letter to Harvard? Maybe. For my birthday? Maybe. For change? Definitely.
I smiled fakely at Mike as he continued to pour his soul out into the microphone. I wanted that. I wanted something that made my spirits soar. Something to make me feel accomplished and complete. There was a nagging feeling in me saying I already knew what that was.

But somehow... I still didn't.