Lie In The Grass, Next To The Mausoleum
Lie In The Grass; Next To The Mausoleum- Twelve
I dreaded having to explain to Peter.
I knew the day was coming, when I would have to tell him everything about my childhood, but I wanted to postpone it for as long as possible.
It was apparent, however, the Pete was not going to let me put it off. The very next morning, he cornered me in the supermarket, and, after a quick kiss, told me he needed to speak with me. Siobhan shot me an apologetic look as she and Casey strolled off down the frozen foods aisle, and I glared.
I was gonna have to go this alone.
Great.
"Evie, I know you probably aren't ready for this,"
Pete's voice sounded in my ears and I looked away quickly, inspecting my shoelaces closely.
"But I really need to know what's going on."
I took a deep breath and kept my eyes on the ground as I began my story.
"My parents were happy when I was young. I can remember them kissing and stuff, when I was five or six I think.
But when I was eight, my mom cheated on my father with her boss. I can remember when he found out, he just went insane. I think it was a blow to his pride or something. Anyway, he started hitting my mom. I was hiding under the sink in this cupboard I always used to play in. He hit her really hard, and I remember her falling, and he started kicking her, calling her a whore and a bitch.
I was so scared I didn't know what to do. I was only eight, you know?
My dad pushed my mom into the kitchen table, and the phone fell off, and onto the floor. I saw it, and remembered something I had heard in school about calling the police if we ever saw someone getting beat up. So I reached out and grabbed the phone, and I called 911.
I told the police that someone was hurt, and that they needed to come to my house right away.
Then I remember my mom crying, and my father hit her so hard her head hit the floor, and it knocked her out. I'll never forget; he just kept hitting her. She was completely limp, and I remember thinking of a rag doll. But he just kept hitting her. Then he looked up and saw me holding the phone. He asked me why I had it and I said---"
I paused and laughed weakly.
"I said I didn't know. Then he grabbed my arm and twisted it until I told him that I had called the police. He slapped me and shook me, and yelled all this stuff into my face. And then he told me he'd hurt my mom even more if I didn't tell the police she fell down the stairs.
I said okay.
And when the police showed up, I did. I said she fell down the stairs and got knocked out.
Anyway, after that, nothing was the same. My dad hit me all the time. I got so scared of him. When I was thirteen, he got really drunk and tried to... Well... You know."
I couldn't bring myself to say that my dad had tried to sexually abuse me.
"It happened in my room, and I jumped out of my window to get away. I broke a bone in my foot when I landed but I didn't even feel it. I just ran as fast as I could to Siobhan's house and I told her everything.
She promised she wouldn't tell anyone, but I think she told Caleb. He told her parents and they tried to talk to me about it.
I said if they tried to get my dad in trouble, he would just be worse. He'd probably kill my mom.
So they didn't, on the grounds that I stay at their house. So I did, and I still do most of the time. I go back sometimes to help my mom with the dogs, but, as you saw, she's not in good shape anymore. She got addicted to anti-depressants after a while. But now my dad takes them and flushes them down the toilet, so she's just a mess.
This girl named Amy takes care of the dogs now. My dad pays her."
I finished rather lamely and stared at a particularly wilted piece of celery, not wanting to look Pete in the face.
"Eve, you have to..." He began softly, but I cut him off.
"Pete, there's nothing I can do about it!" I said, my voice cracking as I met his eyes. "I cannot turn my father in! Pete, he would kill me."
Pete opened his mouth and shut it again, his eyes desperate.
"I don’t want to die Pete." My eyes began filling with tears. "But, sometimes..."
I looked down at my shoe.
"Sometimes, I wish I had never been born at all."
I knew the day was coming, when I would have to tell him everything about my childhood, but I wanted to postpone it for as long as possible.
It was apparent, however, the Pete was not going to let me put it off. The very next morning, he cornered me in the supermarket, and, after a quick kiss, told me he needed to speak with me. Siobhan shot me an apologetic look as she and Casey strolled off down the frozen foods aisle, and I glared.
I was gonna have to go this alone.
Great.
"Evie, I know you probably aren't ready for this,"
Pete's voice sounded in my ears and I looked away quickly, inspecting my shoelaces closely.
"But I really need to know what's going on."
I took a deep breath and kept my eyes on the ground as I began my story.
"My parents were happy when I was young. I can remember them kissing and stuff, when I was five or six I think.
But when I was eight, my mom cheated on my father with her boss. I can remember when he found out, he just went insane. I think it was a blow to his pride or something. Anyway, he started hitting my mom. I was hiding under the sink in this cupboard I always used to play in. He hit her really hard, and I remember her falling, and he started kicking her, calling her a whore and a bitch.
I was so scared I didn't know what to do. I was only eight, you know?
My dad pushed my mom into the kitchen table, and the phone fell off, and onto the floor. I saw it, and remembered something I had heard in school about calling the police if we ever saw someone getting beat up. So I reached out and grabbed the phone, and I called 911.
I told the police that someone was hurt, and that they needed to come to my house right away.
Then I remember my mom crying, and my father hit her so hard her head hit the floor, and it knocked her out. I'll never forget; he just kept hitting her. She was completely limp, and I remember thinking of a rag doll. But he just kept hitting her. Then he looked up and saw me holding the phone. He asked me why I had it and I said---"
I paused and laughed weakly.
"I said I didn't know. Then he grabbed my arm and twisted it until I told him that I had called the police. He slapped me and shook me, and yelled all this stuff into my face. And then he told me he'd hurt my mom even more if I didn't tell the police she fell down the stairs.
I said okay.
And when the police showed up, I did. I said she fell down the stairs and got knocked out.
Anyway, after that, nothing was the same. My dad hit me all the time. I got so scared of him. When I was thirteen, he got really drunk and tried to... Well... You know."
I couldn't bring myself to say that my dad had tried to sexually abuse me.
"It happened in my room, and I jumped out of my window to get away. I broke a bone in my foot when I landed but I didn't even feel it. I just ran as fast as I could to Siobhan's house and I told her everything.
She promised she wouldn't tell anyone, but I think she told Caleb. He told her parents and they tried to talk to me about it.
I said if they tried to get my dad in trouble, he would just be worse. He'd probably kill my mom.
So they didn't, on the grounds that I stay at their house. So I did, and I still do most of the time. I go back sometimes to help my mom with the dogs, but, as you saw, she's not in good shape anymore. She got addicted to anti-depressants after a while. But now my dad takes them and flushes them down the toilet, so she's just a mess.
This girl named Amy takes care of the dogs now. My dad pays her."
I finished rather lamely and stared at a particularly wilted piece of celery, not wanting to look Pete in the face.
"Eve, you have to..." He began softly, but I cut him off.
"Pete, there's nothing I can do about it!" I said, my voice cracking as I met his eyes. "I cannot turn my father in! Pete, he would kill me."
Pete opened his mouth and shut it again, his eyes desperate.
"I don’t want to die Pete." My eyes began filling with tears. "But, sometimes..."
I looked down at my shoe.
"Sometimes, I wish I had never been born at all."