Status: updates weekly at least c:

Hearts & Spades

chapter seventeen : it's not too right to feel this way about a boy...

"Alex! Press the blue X button, press it!"

"I am, I am, nothings happening!" the small boy shouted helplessly in response.
The two teenagers were sitting on Jack's couch, controllers in hand. Alex's head was resting in the elders lap, his neck craned so he could see the screen. However, he was playing as if he was wearing a blindfold.

"You're gonna die again..." the dark haired boy chuckled, glancing down at the other for a brief moment to see his thick brows bunching together in concentration.

"I'm out of bullets, or something. Jack help!" the funniest part was Alex actually sounded concerned, like dying for the fifth time in a video game was going to have real consequences. And in a way it would, his boyfriend was never going to let him hear the end of this.

"That's what you get for spinning in circles and shooting at nothing." he retorted cockily, he could have sworn he could sense the scowl that must have been on the others face.

Before Alex even had the time to retaliate a large monster appeared from around the corner. When the cut scene zoomed in on the beast he let out a shriek, dropping his controller and covering his eyes with both of his hands.

"No, Lex! What are you doing? This is the boss, help me!"

"Nu uh" Alex replied stubbornly, resulting in Jack putting down his own controller and attempting to pry his hands away. However, when he finally made eye contact with him the large game over screen flashed on the television.

The elder pouted momentarily until he noticed how truly shaken the brunette was. "Hey, let's do something else, okay?"

Alex pushed himself into a sitting position and turned his head slightly to the side. "Like what?"

"Hmm, I think I've got an idea..." he said softly, reaching out and curling his hand around the younger boy's neck before leaning forward.

Just as their lips were about to meet the loud blaring of an old Jimmy Eats World song made them pull apart.

"Dammit." Jack cursed, attempting to ignore the call and get back to what they were doing, but before he could get a chance Alex protested.

"You should probably answer that." he giggled, leaning back to avoid the kiss. When Jack frowned and puckered out his lip Alex moved closer and pecked the tip of his nose. "I'll still be here when you get back, silly."

He seemed to think it over for a second, staring at the old couch, then back up at his boyfriend who had his skinny arms crossed. Jack let out a groan before standing up, "Fine, this will only take a minute."

Alex watched silently as he left the room, closing the door behind him so the younger could hardly make out his voice as he finally answered the call. He spent a few seconds fiddling with his hair, as his hands ran through the choppy brunette strands he realized that laying on Jack's lap had left his hair a mess. Even though no one was in the room his face turned red regardless.

Soon the silence and glaring at the bland menu screen of Jack's silly game began to drive him crazy. So of course Alex stood up and began to explore. He'd been in that room countless amounts of times, but whenever he visited the other boy took all of his attention so he never truly paid any mind to their surroundings.

There wasn't much to look at besides the clutter of dirty clothes and old football equipment, there were signatures coating the balls and jerseys - not that Alex recognized any of them. However, the wall beside Jack's bed caught his attention. The first time he ever walked into that room it was covered in photos of the lanky boy smiling next to a beautiful girl with wavy almond hair and freckles lining her pink cheeks. But if he remembered correctly the next he came over the wall was blank, except for the bits left of pictures here and there. It was as if Jack had an episode and literally tore the photographs from the walls. It broke Alex's heart to imagine that, he'd only seen the other boy cry once and even then it was like watching the world burn before his very eyes.

However, those depressing thoughts vanished almost immediately when he realized the wall was full once more. This time with the smiling faces of two boys. It was Jack and... and him. He remembered on one of their dates to the park Jack pulled out a fancy camera, saying he went through a phase of wanting to be a photographer when he was younger and now he had some expensive piece of equipment gathering dust in his closet. Of course he suggested they put it to good use, though it was obvious Alex wasn't too fond of the idea because in nearly every picture his face was hidden behind his palms or tucked in the older boy's neck.

The memories of their time together made his dimpled grin grow until his cheeks began to ache, then among them there was one that caught him off guard. It was of him and him alone, his head was down as he sat criss cross by a tree, fringe hanging in his face as his fingers fiddled with the flowers surrounding him. Alex gently peeled the picture from the wall to get a closer look and the light hanging above him made the writing on the other side noticeable. Flipping it over he softly ran his fingers over Jack's messy handwriting. "A smile as beautiful as the sun itself."

Despite him attempting to shake off the incident his free hand raised to his mouth almost instinctively as a loud squeal escaped him. Jack wrote that, Jack wrote that about him. But before he had any more time to bounce up and down like a child, he heard the door handle jiggle behind him. Alex quickly placed the photo back in its original place, glancing at the wall to make sure everything seemed in order before taking a step back.

The petite sixteen year old collided with Jack's chest resulting in a chuckle from the elder. "Whatcha lookin' at Lex?" he asked softly, arms curling around the other's waist.

The sudden contact made him bashful to say the least, and to make matters worse Jack dipped his head and his warm breath hit the pale skin of Alex's neck causing chill bumps to run up and down his body. His own breath hitched in his throat, before his mind could go completely blank, he managed to spin around, taking two fistfulls of Jack's shirt in his hands. "Sooo, what was that call all about?"

"Yeah, about that... can I ask you something?" his small smile seemed to melt after the words left his mouth, eyes dropping to their feet. Alex raised one brow in concern attempting to pull his boyfriend closer, but Jack eventually pried away his grip.

"Something's bothering you..." he insisted, all joy from his earlier discovery seeped away as he watched the worried look take over Jack's features. Alex's stomach was twisting into knots as he thought over what could possibly be the question he had for him.

The taller of the two simply walked over to the couch and plopped down, motioning for Alex to follow him. The brunette did as he was told, crossing his legs and tilting his head with a permanent frown on his face, waiting patiently for an explanation.

"That was Mrs. Newcomb... on the phone." Jack began, teeth pulling at his bottom lip. The sound of that name alone was enough to make the air around them dense. Alex simply nodded for him to continue, it wasn't worth speaking out and making this more difficult than necessary. "She wants us to come to dinner."

"Us...?" Alex echoed, trying to process what the other had just said. It wasn't nearly as bad as it could have possibly been, yet he was still near speechless at the offer.

"Of course, it's like you're an added member of the family. They may have lost someone, but they gained you." Alex may have usually been the optimistic one, but right now Jack's positive attitude was making him sick.

"Not a very good trade if you ask me..." he murmured, his intentions were for Jack not to hear his self loathing but sadly that didn't work out in his favor.

Jack reached over and grabbed both of Alex's shoulders, staring him directly in the eyes, laughing to himself and getting a confused look in return. "Shut up, cutie."

"Jack!" he yelped in embarrassment, pushing against his chest in an attempt to escape.

"Nope, you're going."

"I don't think so..."

"Pleaseee." The elder whined, moving closer to Alex as he tried to pull away, resulting in them both scooting down the couch, approaching the edge.

"Go away, this isn't funny." yet his giggle betrayed him as Jack began to make obnoxious kissing noises whilst trying to reach his face.

"Come on, pumpkin."

"Gosh, you're so nasty leave me alone." Alex squeaked, though to be truthful a part of him wanted to leap into Jack's arms and kiss him crazy. However, he was far too stubborn to give in, just yet anyway. That is until he reached the end of the couch, perched on the armrest soon to meet his doom. Thankfully, he was able to grab onto Jack and hold on for dear life. "Okay! Okay! I'll go, Jack, help me!"

Even if the younger was in full fledge panic, the other couldn't stop laughing as a pair of skinny legs wrapped around his torso. Alex was doing his best to lean into him, but without Jack's help he was pretty much fucked. So when he decided Alex had learned his lesson he put both his hands on the brunette's ass and lifted him into his lap.

"Hey, watch it pervert." he nearly whispered, his legs remaining wrapped tightly around Jack as if he was still afraid of crashing to the floor.

"Watch what? This?" Jack played innocent before grabbing him again, this time earning a punch to the chest. "Now, are you going with me or not?"

"Yes, fine, geez. You're so needy." Alex tried to pretend as if he was angry, but that didn't last long as the other leaned in and rested their foreheads together.

"Thank you, pumpkin."

"Jack!"

♠ ♠ ♠


The raven haired boy's car was parked outside of a familiar house, one that made his heart feel heavy despite the smile he wore on his face. Jack was standing next to the passenger side of the vehicle, holding the door open and staring at the boy inside. "We've been sitting here for ten minutes, Lex..."

"I don't wanna." Alex stated, gasping as the other reached over and unbuckled his seat belt.
"It's okay, I'll be with you the whole time. Besides, the Newcomb's are like a second family to me. They're good people."

All it took was one more shit eating grin from Jack and he was eating out of his hand. Alex stepped out onto the sidewalk, wearing a near blank expression. Though a small smile twitched at the edge of his lips when he felt a kiss being pressed to his cheek.

Once they reached the front door Jack barged right in without knocking, leaving the other on the porch absolutely dumbfounded. Alex knew his boyfriend had little manners, but this was a new low for him.

"Come on in, Alex." came a welcoming female voice, a frail freckle faced woman was standing next to Jack with a sweet smile on her lips. This couldn't be too bad, after all he'd met them a few times before, even if it was only for a bit, they seemed kind enough.

Jack's attention seemed to be grabbed by something in the kitchen and he soon disappeared around the corner, leaving Alex alone with a lady he hardly knew. The lanky teen seemed so at home here, but Alex on the other hand couldn't feel more alienated. But he might as well say something so he didn't come off as completely rude. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Newcomb."

"Such a well-mannered boy, you're nothing like Jack." she commented, reaching over and tucking a longer strand of hair behind his ear. He could almost feel the sorrow radiating off that poor woman. Yet, at her touch, Alex held his breath until she pulled her hand away as if he was afraid she'd do him harm. "And such a tiny thing too, let's go get you something to eat."

As the two made it into the room Mr. Newcomb and Jack seemed to already be helping themselves, shoving finger foods into their mouths making it appear like maybe they were having some kind of contest.

"Boys! Sit down, this is no way to act in front of a guest."

Jack mumbled something inaudible, his cheeks stuffed with food, causing Alex to roll his eyes. The elder could be such an embarrassment at times, an adorable embarrassment. But he was Alex's none the less, and he wouldn't want it to be any other way.

"Go ahead and take a seat." Mrs. Newcomb suggested, her voice was calm and considerate, but almost too much so. Maybe Alex was just a tad too paranoid, but he had an awful feeling about all of this.

With a slight nod the younger did as he was told, sitting down in the wooden chair next to his boyfriend. His shoulders were straight, hands crossed in his lap as his chest rose up and down in an unnatural pattern. Alex didn't even realize that he appeared completely on edge until he felt someone give his thigh a tight squeeze. When he glanced up, he saw Jack giving him a large reassuring smile, though it did little to calm his nerves.

Once the plates were sat in front of everyone the table fell into friendly conversation, everyone except for Alex was laughing and sharing what was on their mind. The Newcomb's were asking Jack about his grades, how his mother was doing and how football was going. The couple seemed rather shocked when they discovered the elder had quit the team, but the tension faded when Jack decided to lie about his reason.

"And what about you Alex? How are you feeling? You gave us all a scare last time we met." Mr. Newcomb commented, finally forcing the boy across from him to stop poking at the plate of spaghetti before him. The last time he had encountered Bethany's parents, he had passed out due to his own stupidity. They must have thought he was so frail.

Alex swallowed the lump in his throat, glancing up at the man who had addressed him but only for a split second. "I'm fine... just have to be more careful."

And the painfully awkward back and forth continued for another half hour before finally the boys were dismissed from the table.

"I can help with the dishes if you like." Alex offered, glancing behind him to see Jack giving him an annoyed look - he must have been making him look bad.

"No, that's fine dear, you and Jack go ahead into the living room." the woman began, in the midst of cleaning off the table. "Me and Richard will handle this."

Alex nodded, feeling the other boy begin to tug on his arm before he finally gave in and followed him into another room.

Once the two of them were alone again, he let out a long raspy breath. Alex fell forward slightly, resting his head against Jack's chest.

"You need to relax." he whispered, followed by a deep chuckle. His boyfriend didn't even have the energy to respond, socializing had taken everything out of him, so he simply groaned in response.

Something about the other boy's hand running up and down his back seemed to calm his breathing at least a little. "I wanna go home." Alex whimpered, burying his face further into Jack's shirt.

"Just a little while longer, baby." the sweet pet name made the smaller boy's heart throb, almost to the point where he swore it would smash through his rib cage. Before Alex could even make a comment Jack placed a finger under his chin and lifted his face.

Their lips were nearly touching, the raven haired boy could feel the other's warm breath, but before the anticipation could come to an end a loud voice shattered their peaceful atmosphere. "What the hell is going on in here?"Jack and Alex pulled apart in shock and confusion, both of their gazes falling on a furious Mr. Newcomb standing in the doorway.

"Look yo-"

"You've got a lot of fucking explaining to do Jack."

Alex could already feel his legs turning to jello underneath his weight, his hands wrapped around his boyfriend's bicep as he shuffled to hide partially behind him.

"Mr. Newcomb..."

"Don't. Is this how you remember Bethany? You told her you loved her yet months later here you are all over someone else, and another man of all things. I thought you were a good boy Jack, I knew you'd move on eventually, but I never knew you'd scoop down to being a fag."

That was a something Jack would have never imagined would ever leave his mouth, he always seemed so passionate yet here he was spitting slurs at the two of them as if he was a temperamental child. "The only one of us disappointing Bethany right now is you." he retaliated, managing to keep his voice calm despite the situation. By now Mrs. Newcomb had popped her head from around the corner, but instead of interfering she watched without saying a word.

Unfortunately, Jack's response seemed to have been completely ignored as the middle aged man continued his pointless ranting. "And you." he pointed directly at the boy attempting to seem as small as humanly possible. "My daughter died so someone as disgusting as you could come along and rip this family apart."

That seemed to spark something in Jack, he nearly ripped his arm out of Alex's grip and stood face to face with the man that was once like a father to him. His hands were balled into fists as if he was preparing to swing yet he couldn't bring himself to say anything. This was still Bethany's father, the man he spent years trying to impress, the one who took him under his wing.

Mr. Newcomb starred Jack in the eyes, his jaw clenching before he spat between his teeth. "Get the hell out of my house." When the boy didn't move immediately he placed two hands on his chest and gave him a rough shove.

Jack stumbled backwards, hardly able to catch his balance before he took Alex's shaking hand in his own. "Let's get out of here Lex."

♠ ♠ ♠


When the two reached the car Jack didn't even bother with a seatbelt as he twisted his wrist to start the car before spinning off as quickly as possible. He was squeezing the steering wheel hard enough to make his knuckles turn white, his teeth were clamped down and the only sound killing the silence was Alex's sniffling and whimpering.

And the atmosphere remained that way until Jack pulled into a nearly empty parking lot, putting the car in park and putting his face in his palms. The only thing that prevented him from rotting in self pity was the sound of Alex in the middle of what must have been a panic attack.

"Lex..." he called out, not getting any response from the boy sitting next to him, rocking back and forth with his hands tugging at his hair. "Alex, stop it." once again, he didn't listen though his cries began to sound more like near screams.

Jack quickly got out of the car and jogged around to the other side and opening the passenger door. Then the elder kneeled next to his boyfriend, looking up at his face, which was wet with tears, as soon as he was noticed Alex fell out of the car and into his arms. Jack fell back onto the asphalt and held the small boy in his lap, allowing him to tuck his face in his neck.

"T-this is all m-my f-fault." he stuttered, fists clenching the fabric of Jack's shirt for dear life. The whole scene was making the elder's chest ache, he wanted to do nothing more than take all the pain anyway.

"No, Alex, don't. I had no clue they were going to act that way..."

By now Alex was nothing more than a hiccuping mess, shaking his head violently back and forth. "T-they're right, Bethany should have l-lived not me. Everyone would have been happier"

The sound of that alone was enough to make Jack's world fall to pieces, and it didn't help that Alex sounded like he truly believed what he had just said.

"Alexander. I don't want to hear anything like that come out of your mouth ever again. You mean so fucking much to me, I just wish you could see that."

This time the sixteen year old didn't argue, he just focused on calming his breathing while Jack rocked them gently back and forth. If he wasn't so focused on making Alex better he'd probably be concerned about what people would think if they saw them like this.

"But what about you? You said the Newcomb's were like a second family to you..." he began, leaning back slightly to look Jack in the eyes, his arms still wrapped around his neck. His voice was plagued with guilt and sorrow.

Looking at Alex with puffy eyes and blotched cheeks filled his heart with nothing but hatred for the two people they had just left behind. "I don't need them, I have you. And you're all I'll ever need."
♠ ♠ ♠
if you're piece of shit and you know it clap your hands. if you never update your and when you do it's really crappy clap your hands.

sorry guys once again it's a hundred years later and i finally fucking updated but hEY i'm kinda sorta happy with this update and it's pretty long. but i will tell you i didn't proof read it oops bc i am so tired rn you gotta forgive me

title of the song is based of 'if i'm lucky' by state champs if you havent heard it i suggest you go listen to it right now bc its great man

thanks for reading i love u all dearly