Hearts & Spades

Another phone call was made that same night that would change the lives of yet another family on the other side of Baltimore, this time for the best.

Alexander Gaskarth was laid out on his messy bedroom floor, papers and pencils strewn out before him with an acoustic guitar not too far away. With only a small lamp to light his work and music blaring from his headphones. Lately this is how the boy spent all his time as his conditions were worsening, he could hardly get up to his room on the second floor without having to pause and catch his breath. It was obvious to everyone around him that he didn't have much longer - his brunette hair and caramel eyes had lost their shine and his skin was vacant of its once healthy glow. Not that he was ever completely healthy - this was all he had known. Ever since being diagnosed with cardiomyopathy Alex didn't get a taste of what it was like to be a normal teenager, his life consisted of medicine and doctors visits. And the only end in sight was death itself.

When his mother came bursting into his room he didn't even hear her enter, his eyes were too busy scanning the words he had recently scribbled into his notebook as he mouthed the words to the New Found Glory song he was currently listening to. He didn't look up until about the third time she called his name, pulling out one headphone and raising a brow. Then he noticed that she was crying and, as if by instinct, jumped to his feet and placed his hands on her small shoulders.

"What's going on mom, what's wrong?" Alex asked, his voice laced with concern, it wasn't everyday your mother came into your room in the middle of the night with tears streaming down her face. But he didn't get a reply, just a few shakes of the head. "I don't understand, you have to talk to me." he tried again and this time when she removed the hand that was cupped around her mouth, there was a smile.

"They found you a heart." at first her statement went over his head, which tilted slightly to the side as the words left her lips. Though she began to explain before he even had the chance to ask. "The right size, perfect blood type... everything. They want you at the hospital as soon as possible for your surgery."

"Does, does this mean..." he started, his mind racing to comprehend exactly what this news meant.

"That you're going to live? To actually live like you should have been all these years? Yes, baby, I knew our prayers would be answered." and with that Mrs.Gaskarth pulled her son into a bone crushing hug, standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his forehead before turning on her heels and leaving the room so her boy could start getting ready for the long night they had ahead of them.

Alex stumbled over to his bed and sat on the mattress, this was it - this was actually happening. And it was a lot to take in, but he had to start getting ready so he could be whisked away to the hospital, which wasn't new. But this time he was going to be having heart surgery, they were going to have to take out his own broken heart and replace it with a new one, well new for him anyway. Which means that he was going to die, at least for a little while, and have to be shocked back to life. There was so much at risk here, he could die now in their attempt to prolong his life, now that'd be ironic. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't scared out of his mind.



There was a surprising amount of people rushing around at the hospital for it being so late at night, but Alex of all people knew there were no slow times here - someone always needed something. And there was always a depressing atmosphere hanging around him when he came here, he could have even sworn he heard people crying as his usual doctor led him and his parents towards the transplant section of the hospital. It hadn't quite dawned on the young boy what must have happened to the person who had the heart before now, at the moment he was much too concerned with how he personally was going to make it out alive.

Being afraid wasn't unjustified, that was clear as the elderly man decked in scrubs explained to the Gaskarth's the risks of this procedure. Alex could not wake up afterwards, he could die on the operating table and if he managed to make it out of that alive, there was still the possibility that as perfect as the heart may seem, his body could reject it. As the doctor recited the facts like he was reading lines on paper Alex saw, in the corner of his eyes, his parents grab each others hand and give them a tight squeeze. Then suddenly it was all so real, too real, but all he could do was swallow the lump in his throat and pray everything went according to plan.



The surgery had to happen that night - the heart could only last so long with the help of a machine. At the moment Alex was enveloped in his father's grasp, he could feel warm tears falling on top of his head, but he didn't dare say a word because if he had he too would have broken down. But it was a million times worse when it was his mother's turn to say her temporary goodbye's.

"I love you Alexander, please don't ever forget that. You're so strong..."

The dimple faced boy couldn't bare to let her finish, they'd surely both loose their composure if he had. "Mom, mom, I'm going to be just fine." he of course didn't know that, and he knew his mother was probably aware that he was talking out of his ass but they both smiled nonetheless.

A few more kisses and smothering embraces, then the nurse was leading him into another room, making him change out of his Spiderman pajamas and into a little too revealing gown. As the middle aged woman was getting his vitals, she must have noticed there were some second thoughts running through Alex's head, which should be expected. "Relax, sweetie. You're in good hands. And that heart you're getting? I heard it was in great hands."

That was when he woke up, someone had to die in order for him to get this procedure, one that may not even be successful. Someone had to die just so he could have a chance to live. Someone with a family and friends, just like him. The overthinking sent him into a panic. He ran a hand through his hair as his breathing became ragged, he could see his hands shaking in his blurred vision as his cripple heart began to pump faster. How could he be so selfish? How could he live with himself after knowing that the heart he owned belonged to someone whose family was grieving?

Meanwhile the hospital staff around him were whispering reassuring words that he was paying no attention to, not even when a man pushed him down so he was lying on his back. They didn't have much time, they had to get him into surgery regardless of him being emotionally ready. A mask was brought up to his face and the last thing he was able to comprehend were the instructions, "Count down from ten Alexander..."



Eight hours later doctors had successfully given Alexander William Gaskarth a new heart and another chance at life. Thirty-six hours later and that same boy was starting to wake up to start really living for the first time. But this new life of his was going to hold more obstacles than he could have ever imagined.

There was some pain, but only in his head. As his eyes fluttered open he was temporarily blinded by the bright light, his hearing returning only to be welcomed by the sound of a constant beeping. Blinking a few times and the hospital room came into focus, Alex felt like he had died and came back to life which, in a way, was exactly what had happened.

"Wakey, Wakey darling. How are you feeling?" the voice sounded so far away, but as Alex's head fell heavily to the side, he saw his mother sitting only a few inches away, his hand clutched in hers as wires flared out from his wrist. He managed to respond with a raspy groan, that was about the best he could do at the moment.

As the petite boy pushed himself up into a sitting position, or at least attempted to, he felt as if he weighed a thousand pounds and soon gave up on moving at all. The wrist of the hand his mom wasn't holding was gently strapped to the bed and a breathing tube was soon aggravatingly noticeable as it scratched at his nose - but none of that was his main concern. Once the confusion pasted the first thing Alex thought to do was look down at his chest, there were bandages covering what he thought must be a rather brutal incision, but he couldn't feel a thing, they must have had him on some serious pain killers.

It didn't take long for him to realize he couldn't talk, maybe it was from the tubes they recently removed from his throat or maybe he just didn't have the energy to try. But he didn't have to worry about talking because his mother had already taken over doing all of that.

"I ran into the donor's parents..." Mrs. Gaskarth began, that was probably the last thing he needed to hear at the moment, but he didn't have the voice to protest, he had no choice but to listen and let the guilt wash over him. He had hardly woke up twenty minutes ago and he was already having all of this thrown in his face. "They said you were in their prayers, that their little girl is probably at peace knowing loosing her life meant saving yours."

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Right now that was the only thing running through his mind, a family lost a daughter and for some reason he felt responsible, but nothing could have prepared him for what his mother said next.

"They want you to come to the funeral..."

Alex was going to have to come face to face with the body of the person who saved his life, and come face to face with the family whose dead little girl's heart was currently beating in his chest.