Hearts & Spades

"Alexander, would you stop fooling around. We're going to be late." called Mrs. Gaskarth from the bathroom across the hall, rushing her son who was locked away in his bedroom.

"I can't do this, mum." he retorted, speaking loud enough that his voice could be heard from the other side of the door. Alex had been staring at his reflection for ages now - eyes running over the bruises that were left on his arms from all the needles and tubes. But more than anything his gaze lingered on the large scar running down the center of his chest. His head only turned from the large mirror when he heard someone enter, a small woman revealing herself with a sympathetic look on her face.

"I look a mess, what if they don't like me? What am I even supposed to say to them?" the teen said, clearly flustered as his hands tore at his hair. His mother only shook her head, picking his dress shirt up off his bed and handing it to him.

"You've only been home a few days and all you've done is worry..." she began as her son slipped his arms through the fabric in defeat. Alex may have been the one who went under the knife, but he sure as hell wasn't the only one who was stressed. Though his parents couldn't be happier that the surgery was a success, they also couldn't help but be tense when their child spent most of his time pacing anxiously across his bedroom. "I understand you're nervous, but you owe them this. Besides, there is nothing to be afraid of - our family just got a little bigger is all."



As if being at a funeral wasn't already unnerving enough, attending one with people you've never met was even more anxiety inducing. And the church was packed with people with red cheeks and tear filled eyes. The ceremony had already started and finished by the time Alex and his parents arrived and everyone was speaking in soft voices and peeking into the casket a few feet away. The girl who lost her life that night must have been rather extraordinary for this many people to show up and mourn for her.

Her photo was plastered everywhere you looked, a sweet freckled smile at every turn. She was beautiful, Alex would give her that. And judging by the trophies that also decorated the large open room, she was sporty and an overall talented girl. Maybe the phrase 'the good die young' was more than just an old saying after all. Whoever this girl was, she didn't deserve to die and Alex sure as hell felt like he didn't deserve to live in her place.

The young boy's eyes stayed trained on the ground after that, avoiding the sad gazes of those around him - he could really go without any more guilt at the moment. He followed behind his mother and father like a shadow, cowering behind them as if he was a small child. And at the moment he felt like one, helpless and scared. Right now Alex wanted nothing more than to disappear and craving such a thing only made him feel even worse.

"You must be Alexander." came a man's voice after a few more steps forward, peaking up through his fringe Alex's eyes were met with a middle aged man who wore a sorrowful grin. All he could do was nod before ducking his head once more. "Well, I'm Richard Newcomb, and this is my wife Paula. Our daughter was Bethany..."

His voice seemed to trail off after that so Alex's father took the opportunity to shake the other man's hand before shooting his son a disappointed glare. The teen's silence was rather rude, but he couldn't think of a word to say, thank you for giving birth to a girl who just so happened to die right in time to give me a heart and a few more years to live? ?

Mrs. Gaskarth didn't let the silence stand for long. She went on a tangent about how Alex was a superb son and an outstanding student, even mentioning his plans for college and how he wanted to become a veterinarian. His mother was more than likely trying to somehow convince Bethany's family that their daughter's heart would not go to waste, that it was put towards prolonging a life that would be a valuable one. As if they would ever see a life more valuable than their own child's.

Soon enough, he grew tired of hearing about himself - this wasn't about him. Alex wasn't the one about to be lowered into the dirt. "Can you tell me about Bethany?" he blurted out, completely interrupting his mother and earning himself and glare from his father. And the Newcomb's seemed hesitant for a moment, maybe surprised to find out the boy could even speak at all after the silent treatment he had been giving them.

"If you want to know more about Bethany you should talk to the person who knew her better than anyone - her boyfriend, Jack."



He was standing alone in the corner, lanky and hidden behind a mop of raven hair just like the Newcomb's had described him. But for some reason Alex was even more afraid to approach this Jack character than he was the girl's parents. Especially since he seemed to be crying at the moment, not that the younger judged him for it. He couldn't imagine the pain he must be experiencing. It was debatable which was worse - a literal broken heart or a metaphorical one.

"A-are you Jack?" he choked after slinking closer to the man in question, pulling at his clothes and trying his best to appear as small as possible. There was something about that almond gaze that sent shivers down his spine.

"That depends on whose's asking." the taller of the two spat, obviously just attempting to cover up the fact that there was clearly tears dripping from his chin and onto the floor. But Alex didn't see him as weak, the exact opposite actually.

"I'm Alex... the boy who got Bethany's heart." he didn't know how exactly he should have gone about introducing himself, but that seemed to grab maybe-not-Jack's attention, his eyebrows unknotting as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"Oh... yeah, I'm Jack. Sorry about that... it's just..."

"This has to be really hard for you I understand. I mean I don't but, I mean..." Alex was already stumbling all over himself, wanting nothing more than to turn and run, maybe go hide behind his mother like a frightened toddler. But then he heard a chuckle, a weak, sad chuckle, but a chuckle nonetheless.

"Relax. I'm not going to bite. What do you want to know?" elder cut him off, sniffling slightly between sentences. Clearly he was trying to make this conversation as casual as possible - for both of their sakes. Jack was heart broken and Alex was a nervous wreck, they could really go without even more emotional shit storms.

"Uh... everything?" he said uncertainly, one thick eyebrow disappearing under shaggy brunette hair.

"Everything might take a while to cover..."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I-I was just curious is all, I don't want to bother you or anything..." Alex could feel the panic set in then, hands shaking and breath quickening. He may have a new heart, but it didn't come with any additional courage so he was the same anxious mess he'd always been.

"Alex, I just meant maybe another time. How about I pick you up tomorrow and show you around to some of her favorite places? I'll tell you anything you want to know."

There was something about the forced side smile and friendly tone that made that an impossible offer to decline. So he let his own dimpled grin slip before nodding his head, "Yeah, that sounds great actually."



Maybe it was because Alex was so desperate to repay a debt he could never return or maybe it was because Jack was determined to hold on to what was left of his former girlfriend, whatever it was the boys ended up swapping numbers that afternoon with intents of meeting up the very next day.

The small teenager was sitting on his front porch, hands hidden in his hoodie sleeves as he stared out at the trees in his yard. To make matters worse, his heart felt like it was about to burst from his chest. Why had he agreed to go off with practically a complete stranger in the first place? Oh yeah, because he owed it to said stranger's dead girlfriend. But just as he was beginning to second guess his decision and text Jack some kind of excuse, a car horn honked from a few feet away.

"Hey." Jack chirped as the other got settled in the passenger seat, he looked just the same as he did yesterday if not worse - dark bags under his chocolate eyes and his almost black hair clearly unbrushed and hanging in his face.

"Hey." he echoed, snapping his seatbelt into place and automatically turning to stare out the window. Maybe if he didn't look he could forget about just how uncomfortable this situation was.

"I was thinking of taking you to the coffee shop a few minutes from here, it was Bethany's favorite." the driver commented once they had pulled out of the drive way, the boy next to him had remained silent as always.

"I'm not too fond of coffee." Alex tagged on, his voice barely audible over the sound of the air-conditioner that was blaring in mid-September for whatever reason.

"They have hot chocolate too, goofy." he said with another slightly forced giggle, eyes straying from the road to the body in the seat to his right. The younger was practically laying on the door, as if he was trying to keep as much distance between them as possible.

Silence never sat well with Jack, when he wasn't running his mouth he was usually listening to someone else running theirs so the eerie quietness that was lying between them wasn't going to stick around for long if he had any say in it. "Why are you so awkward?" he suddenly asked, his tone still friendly, but the question still came off as rude regardless.

"Excuse me?"

"You're just so quiet. I thought maybe since you had Bethany's heart inside you or whatever, maybe you'd act a bit like her." there was an obvious bit of disappointment in Jack's voice but Alex did his best to ignore it. Did he really think the two would become friends?

"Ever since my diagnoses my mother homeschooled me, just so she could keep a close eye on my condition. I guess this whole socializing thing is new to me."

"Oh... that sucks."

"Yeah."

Neither boy said anything after that, just stared ahead. And Alex found himself wishing he was anywhere but there.