Smiles Echo In My Memory

East Orange General Hospital

Frank’s Point of View

The phone dropped on the bed, crackling and forcing the base unit to fall on the floor. I wrapped my arms around my legs, buried my head in my knees, and cried.
I heard Sazzy’s murmur of a voice, and the clatter of the phone. Then I felt her hand placed firmly on my back.
“Frankie? Babe, it’s going to be okay,” she whispered, stroking my hair gently. I didn’t answer her, my tears dripping from their ducts thicker, faster, and hotter.
“No, it won’t.”
“You don’t know that unless you go. Don’t you want to see him?”
I lifted up my head, looking into her eyes. They looked pained, anxious, even.
“Will you come with me?” I asked quietly, wiping at my face.
“Of course I will, baby,” she whispered encouragingly, still stroking my hair. I forced myself to smile at her, but found her wrapping her arms protectively, my head tucked safely in her shoulder. I found myself crying all over again.
“What if something happens to him? You can loose your memory when you have a stroke. What if he forgets all about me, Sazzy?” I questioned, my tears dampening her red sleep tee.
“He’ll be okay, baby. I’m sure of it.”

Twenty minutes later, we were parked up in the parking area of the hospital, locking the car. I had left a note on the fridge for Mom for when she got back, and had dressed and washed quickly so I could see Dad.
I was scared shitless.
I rushed up to the reception, Sazzy clinging to my hand next to me.
“I, err- My Dad,”
“Are you here for Mr. Frank Iero?” the brunette receptionist asked. Her voice was similar to the woman on the phone.
“Yes.”
“Could I take your name please? And what’s you relation with the patient?” she asked coolly.
“Frank Iero. He’s my Dad,” I rushed, anxious to see him. Sazzy squeezed on my hand reassuringly… or probably a sign telling me to calm down.
“Okay. Follow me,” the brunette receptionist asked, standing up from her chair and leading us down numerous winding corridors, until we finally saw a sign:
‘Intensive Care Ward’.
It was then I knew I was in for a shock.
“He’s right through here, Mr. Iero. Visiting hours are from 12:00PM until 6:00PM, just to let you know. If you need anything, press the call button for the nurse,” the receptionist explained, showing us a clean, white door. I nodded at her as thanks, and she walked back through the labyrinth of corridors.
“Ready?” I heard Sazzy whisper from beside me, stroking the back of my hand with her thumb. I nodded, and she pushed open the door, leading me inside.

Dad was lying peacefully, on the bed. It looked like nothing had happened to him, just like he was sleeping. Even though, there were tubes everywhere, through his nose, wires coming from underneath the shirt he was wearing, and various other wires and tubes through his arms and hands. It was heart-crushing.
Sazzy led me over, placing me in a chair next to the bed, and seating herself next to me. I took a hold of Dad’s hand, wary of the wire sticking out from it.
“Dad?” I whispered, the familiar stinging sensation coming to my eyes.
“Can you hear me? You didn’t go deaf, did you?” I asked, trying to joke, to wake him up. Why wasn’t he listening to me?
“Dad? Do you remember that? You always said you’d go deaf, and that I’d laugh at you… only, you wouldn’t hear my laugh… Please, Dad. Don’t go deaf… I’d go crazy,” I mumbled, a hot tear sliding down my cheek.
“Dad, I miss you. Please wake up, and don’t be deaf, okay? I wouldn’t like it so much…” tears glided thick and fast, my face feeling flushed.
I hated this.
“Please. You have to wake up. I need to show you my new guitar. Who else is gonna play with me, Dad? You said you’d play with me. If you go deaf, you wouldn’t hear me play anymore.”
Sazzy’s hand was on my neck, and I bowed my head down.
“What’s going to happen to him, Sazzy?” I asked; my eyes locked on my father’s hand, my tears dripping onto the wire poking out from his flesh.
“I don’t think he’ll go deaf, hunnie,” she whispered, her eyes burning into the back of my head.
“How do you know? He might. I can’t take it, Sazzy. He won’t hear me play.”
“He won’t, baby.”
I put Dad’s hand back on the bed, and turned to her, her arms automatically winding their way around my torso. My head buried it’s self into her shoulder, my tears soaking her exposed shoulder and the strap of her blue vest top. Her fingers moved across my back, making light circular motions, calming me slightly. The tears stopped, at least. I felt her peck at my forehead, and I pecked on her neck.
“Thank you,” I whispered into her ear, and I felt her smile.
“You don’t have to thank me. It’s what I’m for,” she replied, playing with my hair.
We stayed like that for a while, my tired eyes slowly drooping, and I fell asleep more comfortably than I ever have before.

“Frankie? Wake up. I think your Dad’s waking up.”
At the mention of my father, I sat up from Sazzy’s shoulder, rubbing my eyes.
“How long was I asleep?”
“About an hour and a half… you’re Dad’s hand is twitching, look!” she pointed at Dad’s hand, and sure enough, it moved ever so slightly to the left. I grabbed it, and leaned forward.
“Dad!”
He groaned, and his eyes fluttered open so slowly, I thought time had stood still.
“F-F-Fr…” his mouth opened and shut, unable to make any other sound. My eyes started to sting again.
“It’s okay Dad, I’m here. I won’t leave,” I assured, the tears slowly dripping down my face again. Dad’s face contorted into one of sorrow and worry, and I shook my head, placing my free hand carefully on top of his. From the corner of my eye, I saw Sazzy lean over, pressing the blue call button, summoning a nurse.
Almost immediately, a red-headed nurse bustled in, a blonde male doctor in tow.
“Ah, Mr. Iero, you’re awake. We’ve been waiting a while for you,” the doctor said pleasantly, walking over to the metal pole that carried a sack of water. He checked it, and then walked to the end of the bed, picking up a clipboard that was resting in a metal pocket. He scanned it for a few minutes, and then looked up.
“I take it you are Frank Junior…?” he asked, looking at me. I nodded, the tension in the air killing me.
“Yeah. Is he going to be okay?” I asked, trying to figure out what was wrong with Dad. Strokes usually disabled a person in some way.
“Is he going to be deaf…?”
He laughed.
I felt like punching the guy in the fucking face. Why the fuck would he laugh?
“Deafness is not a side-effect of a stroke, Frank. Although, sight and senses like taste and smell are. I’m not sure what one your father might receive… Hopefully, he won’t get any side effects.”
I still felt like knocking him out. He was pissing me off. Sazzy’s hand lay on top of mine; she knew what I was thinking.
I looked over at my Dad, his eyes wide and innocent. He looked quite amused. He motioned to the plastic jug of water at the side, and Sazzy stood up, pouring some into the cup and handing it to him. He grinned widely, and she smiled back, sitting back down next to me. I took a hold of her hand, squeezing it.
“Right, Mr. Iero,” the doctor started, looking towards Dad.
“My name is doctor Bay. Could you please try and speak for me?”
Dad cleared his throat, and opened his mouth.
“Fr-Fraaa…” he trailed off, his eyes wide and his eyebrows knitted in concentration. My eyes stung again.
He couldn’t talk.