Stripes In The Devil
Chaptah 22: "I Swore I'd Never Let Her Go"
My cousin’s voice was echoing through my head saying “I just keep wondering what would have happened if I had been there.” There was no light, no smell, no feeling, no me. Just sound. “Don’t” Ryan’s voice sighed “you can’t know. You just can’t keep beating yourself up for something that wasn’t your fault.” I felt dirty listening to their conversation like I had a choice. “You didn’t have to tell her dad that you let him down; that you let his little girl get hurt. She was my responsibility” Aaron said flatly. The sound of raindrops on window panes could be heard through the silence reflecting the sense of apparent melancholy. “Have they tracked him down yet?” Ryan questioned. “No” Aaron replied “probably left town. He may be a drunk be he’s not stupid.” “Same thing” Ryan muttered. With on simple phrase it was like he had put up a barrier between himself and my cousin; the kind that screamed ‘you wouldn’t understand’. “How’s Spencer doing?” Aaron asked after a moment. “Better” Ryan replied giving Aaron another chance at sensibility “He’s been up here for, what, eighteen hours? I told him to go home and get some rest.”
There was a soft clicking sound as someone else entered my realm of eavesdropping. “Hello boys” came the kind sounding voice of a woman. I always the loved the way Aaron was called ‘boy’ into his late twenties. “Jenae’s shift is over so I’m her new nurse Diane. I’m just coming in here to give her her pain medication.” Swish, squeak, swish was the sound of a hospital scrub and feet on a presumably shiny white floor. “Excuse me ma’am but I was just wondering, do you know how long they are going to keep her asleep?” Aaron asked in a voice that I hadn’t heard in years. Ma’am, an instant indicator of a Midwestern child. “I’m sorry” the woman replied “at this point we really just have to watch and see. But I’d have to say no more than a day and a half or so. That’s my best guess.” “Why so long…” Ryan’s voice trailed off. Then there were no more words.
***
Wednesday, August 19th I woke up. My eyes meticulously traced their way across the white untextured ceiling, to the white walls, scanned the white tile floors, and questioned my own unfamiliar white sheets and blanket.
So white
Burning my tired eyes
Scorching my painful retinas
It was then that I noticed the feeling of flesh against my hand. I glanced down at the hand in question and discovered the face of a sleeping Spencer laying lightly on it. In the corner of the room sat a cluster of chairs. All of them were occupied by the sleeping forms of my friends and strangely enough my father.
Where was I?
Or and even better question
Why was I there?
I decided to try using my vocal cords. A soft grumbling “whuhhh” was the sound that my mouth issued. Despite the softness of my voice, Spencer’s eyes snapped open right on cue followed by stirring in the corner of the room. Spence’s had lit lightly on my face gingerly messaging my temple. He gently brought his other through my short fine hair. “Oh my god Rachel” he whispered shakily “I’m so sorry… so sorry. Please forgive me Rache.” People were gathering behind him breathing a collective air of excitement and anxiety and all I could do was gaze around curiously.
“Where?” I mumbled as my eyes still darted around trying to take in my surroundings. “Shh it’s alright sweetie” Spencer cooed stroking my hair and kissing my forehead tenderly. “Let me see my girl” my dad said pushing a couple of my friends aside. “Kiddo you’re in the hospital” he said taking my shoulders in his arms “you had an err… accident on your birthday.” My birthday…my birthday? That’s when I remembered all that had happened. “Nick!” I squeaked. And you know what I did then? I just cried and cried while my dad held me and my friends comforted me.
***
Over the next week things got a lot better. I got to go home the next day with pain pills, a cast, and plenty of bandages and stitches.
Apparently nick managed to break my wrist and one of the bones in my forearm. Along with that came a concussion, four broken ribs, and a broken collar bone. Oh yeah and my stomach… that was bad, lots of stitches. While I was there the doctors discovered that I needed my appendix to be taken out which was part of the reason they kept me asleep. After I woke up they told me it was a good thing it removed before it burst. Yeah right… good thing I was already there. Dad reluctantly went back to Chicago. I think he was hoping I would consider coming with him.
It was a week later when I sat on Spencer’s bass drum watching the guys pick up after and especially good practice. “Good job guys that was a great session” I said from my seat. “Spencer” I continued “you really need to work on the second verse of that last song. You seem a little off today.” In return Spencer sighed dejectedly. “Chill Rae, ‘stay together for the kids’ isn’t even our song” he laughed, tossing a broken drum stick at me. I made to block my face out of instinct but the immobilizer my arm was in didn’t allow it. Instead I just ended up swearing in pain when the stick hit me in the face. “Dumb ass that hurt” I yelled.
Spencer took long slinking steps over to my side. “Oh won’t you please, please, please forgive me” he whined nuzzling up to my neck. “Get off” I snapped swatting him with my free hand. “Quit it kids” Ryan laughed pushing Spencer spread eagle onto the carpet. I promptly stood on his back making him grunt. “Hey would you mind moving a little to the left… ah yeah” Spencer said as his back popped loudly. Ever since ‘the incident’, as everyone had taken to calling it, I was trying to be kinder to Spencer. He still felt so bad about letting me go home alone that I just wanted him to know that I didn’t blame him.
"Announcement time!” I declared stepping from Spencer’s back to his bass drum (I needed that extra bit of height). The guys all turned to look my direction including Spencer who sat up cross legged. "As of today I no longer work for Musician’s Friend” I said trying to conceal my huge grin. "Umm congratulations?” Brendon said. "Come on don’t you want to know why?” I whined. "Why?” the guys all droned. "Because” I said trying not to burst from excitement “I work for a certain record company call Fueled By Ramen now. My job is to keep track of an up and coming band while they record their debut album.”
“But- but when are you starting? I mean are you leaving?” Brendon asked slowly. “Well” I replied “I’m not sure to tell you the truth. See they aren’t signed to the label yet- in fact we are inviting them to dinner tonight.” The guys just stared at me bewildered while I waited for them. Finally Brent spoke up saying “Do we know these-“ but was cut off by the sound of a honking horn. “Shit that’s my ride to the restaurant” I said. “Talk to you later” I called on my way out the door.
As far as I know, the guys just stood there working out what I had told them.
There was a soft clicking sound as someone else entered my realm of eavesdropping. “Hello boys” came the kind sounding voice of a woman. I always the loved the way Aaron was called ‘boy’ into his late twenties. “Jenae’s shift is over so I’m her new nurse Diane. I’m just coming in here to give her her pain medication.” Swish, squeak, swish was the sound of a hospital scrub and feet on a presumably shiny white floor. “Excuse me ma’am but I was just wondering, do you know how long they are going to keep her asleep?” Aaron asked in a voice that I hadn’t heard in years. Ma’am, an instant indicator of a Midwestern child. “I’m sorry” the woman replied “at this point we really just have to watch and see. But I’d have to say no more than a day and a half or so. That’s my best guess.” “Why so long…” Ryan’s voice trailed off. Then there were no more words.
***
Wednesday, August 19th I woke up. My eyes meticulously traced their way across the white untextured ceiling, to the white walls, scanned the white tile floors, and questioned my own unfamiliar white sheets and blanket.
So white
Burning my tired eyes
Scorching my painful retinas
It was then that I noticed the feeling of flesh against my hand. I glanced down at the hand in question and discovered the face of a sleeping Spencer laying lightly on it. In the corner of the room sat a cluster of chairs. All of them were occupied by the sleeping forms of my friends and strangely enough my father.
Where was I?
Or and even better question
Why was I there?
I decided to try using my vocal cords. A soft grumbling “whuhhh” was the sound that my mouth issued. Despite the softness of my voice, Spencer’s eyes snapped open right on cue followed by stirring in the corner of the room. Spence’s had lit lightly on my face gingerly messaging my temple. He gently brought his other through my short fine hair. “Oh my god Rachel” he whispered shakily “I’m so sorry… so sorry. Please forgive me Rache.” People were gathering behind him breathing a collective air of excitement and anxiety and all I could do was gaze around curiously.
“Where?” I mumbled as my eyes still darted around trying to take in my surroundings. “Shh it’s alright sweetie” Spencer cooed stroking my hair and kissing my forehead tenderly. “Let me see my girl” my dad said pushing a couple of my friends aside. “Kiddo you’re in the hospital” he said taking my shoulders in his arms “you had an err… accident on your birthday.” My birthday…my birthday? That’s when I remembered all that had happened. “Nick!” I squeaked. And you know what I did then? I just cried and cried while my dad held me and my friends comforted me.
***
Over the next week things got a lot better. I got to go home the next day with pain pills, a cast, and plenty of bandages and stitches.
Apparently nick managed to break my wrist and one of the bones in my forearm. Along with that came a concussion, four broken ribs, and a broken collar bone. Oh yeah and my stomach… that was bad, lots of stitches. While I was there the doctors discovered that I needed my appendix to be taken out which was part of the reason they kept me asleep. After I woke up they told me it was a good thing it removed before it burst. Yeah right… good thing I was already there. Dad reluctantly went back to Chicago. I think he was hoping I would consider coming with him.
It was a week later when I sat on Spencer’s bass drum watching the guys pick up after and especially good practice. “Good job guys that was a great session” I said from my seat. “Spencer” I continued “you really need to work on the second verse of that last song. You seem a little off today.” In return Spencer sighed dejectedly. “Chill Rae, ‘stay together for the kids’ isn’t even our song” he laughed, tossing a broken drum stick at me. I made to block my face out of instinct but the immobilizer my arm was in didn’t allow it. Instead I just ended up swearing in pain when the stick hit me in the face. “Dumb ass that hurt” I yelled.
Spencer took long slinking steps over to my side. “Oh won’t you please, please, please forgive me” he whined nuzzling up to my neck. “Get off” I snapped swatting him with my free hand. “Quit it kids” Ryan laughed pushing Spencer spread eagle onto the carpet. I promptly stood on his back making him grunt. “Hey would you mind moving a little to the left… ah yeah” Spencer said as his back popped loudly. Ever since ‘the incident’, as everyone had taken to calling it, I was trying to be kinder to Spencer. He still felt so bad about letting me go home alone that I just wanted him to know that I didn’t blame him.
"Announcement time!” I declared stepping from Spencer’s back to his bass drum (I needed that extra bit of height). The guys all turned to look my direction including Spencer who sat up cross legged. "As of today I no longer work for Musician’s Friend” I said trying to conceal my huge grin. "Umm congratulations?” Brendon said. "Come on don’t you want to know why?” I whined. "Why?” the guys all droned. "Because” I said trying not to burst from excitement “I work for a certain record company call Fueled By Ramen now. My job is to keep track of an up and coming band while they record their debut album.”
“But- but when are you starting? I mean are you leaving?” Brendon asked slowly. “Well” I replied “I’m not sure to tell you the truth. See they aren’t signed to the label yet- in fact we are inviting them to dinner tonight.” The guys just stared at me bewildered while I waited for them. Finally Brent spoke up saying “Do we know these-“ but was cut off by the sound of a honking horn. “Shit that’s my ride to the restaurant” I said. “Talk to you later” I called on my way out the door.
As far as I know, the guys just stood there working out what I had told them.