Stripes In The Devil

"Jeez Rae you aren't' allowed to drive my car anymore" Ryan said squeezing into his driver’s seat that I had adjusted.

"Sorry hon I'm a small girl" I replied. I couldn't stop laughing when he raised the steering wheel and put back the seat.

"Can you go inside to get the guys" Ryan asked through the open car window.

"Sure" I replied and ran into the convenience store.

I couldn't help but laugh at the hilarity of seeing Spencer carrying half a dozen energy drinks and Brendon carrying an armful of chip bags.

"Oh my God guys, we just stopped for gas" I exclaimed.

"Come on, I'm hungry!" Brendon whined.

"We'll be there in like twenty minutes now put that stuff back guys and get out to the car" I commanded.

The boys shuffled back sadly to put away their snack food. I continued on to find Brent in the back of the store deciding between flavors of Gatorade. After a minute or two of coaxing he reluctantly followed me out to the car without a drink.

The last twenty minutes of the car ride were pure annoyance. Brendon whined the whole time about being hungry and Spencer and Brent about being thirsty. If that wasn't bad enough, Ryan kept complaining that I messed his seat up. By the time we reached our destination everyone was ready to strangle each other. I was obliged to make sure we got food and drink as soon as we got into town.

We went to a coffee shop across from the studio once we found it. The tables were all empty except for a business woman working on her laptop with her toddler running circles around the table. There was no one standing behind the counter so I called 'Anyone home?' in the direction of the door to the backroom.

"Crap" a girl uttered as she stumbled out the door, an iced coffee in hand. "What can I get you?" she asked from behind the counter.

Brent grabbed a bottle of apple juice from the refrigerator case and plopped it down on the counter without a word. The girl rang up his juice and he took off to huddle up at a table after paying. He seemed so distant lately.

"Whatcha getting?" I asked Ryan with a tap on the shoulder.

He looked down at me and blinked a couple of times clearing the glaze from his eyes.

"What?" he asked wrinkling his nose. I asked him my question again but this time snapping next to his ear.

"Umm..." he said quietly "I'll just get whatever she has. It looks pretty good."

The girl behind the counter rang up Ryan's custom order as well as mine and Spencer's. Brendon just got a muffin.

On our way out the door the toddler cried "Mommy! Mommy! Look at that funny looking girl!"

Spencer gripped my shoulders protectively till we realized that the girl was pointing at Ryan. I almost began hyperventilating from laughing so hard. "I don't know what she's talking about. You're a sexy girl" Brendon chuckled and threw himself onto Ryan's back.

"Dude got off" Ryan muttered shielding his blushing face.

"Jeez sorry I was just complimenting you..." Brendon trailed off.

"Thanks" Ryan replied sarcastically.

***

"Fine" I heard as the door snapped shut behind me.

"You know it wasn't supposed to e like this" Ryan said quietly.

His chest was still heaving from yelling in the argument. "I never thought it would be this hard. Spending everyday writing with my best friends sounded so perfect."

"Come. Sit." I said patting the bench next to me.

We had just gone up to our apartment after a long day working in the studio. Our apartment wasn't much of an escape since it was right above the studio.

I stood up and walked over to the edge of the balcony and looked at the garbage strewn parking lot. "Do you think people bounce?" I asked over my shoulder.

"What?" he returned rather startled.

"Never mind." "I miss the way things were before" Ryan said to my back.

"We've only been her two weeks and it's already hurting our friendships."

"Sit with me?" Ryan asked. I turned around and nodded slowly, returning to the bench.

"Don't worry Ry, I know you guys can do this. Your writing is beautiful" I continued quietly "Spencer, he's so talented and can play anything thrown at him. And you know if there's a special God of music writing, I think Brendon's him. And Brent... he's the glue here. He's always trying to hold everything together."

Ryan sighed and leaned his head down on mine.

"I know you're right" he replied.

A moment later he swiftly pulled me up on to his lap and tickled me fiercely.

"Ah stop!" I cried gasping for breath.

"Only when you tell me who the coolest friend you’ve ever had is" Ryan taunted.

"Um... Sara?" I laughed trying to fight him off.

"Wrong answer" he yelled holding me around the waist with one hand and tickling me with the other.

"Fine, fine! You! Ryan!" I cried between bouts of laughter.

"Ouch! Get off fatty" I yelled when he plopped me down on the ground and sat on my tummy.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. I forgot" he said apologetically.

I pulled my shirt up to reveal a long grotesque scar and rubbed it gingerly.

"Does it still hurt?" Ryan asked.

"Well normally not... unless someone does something stupid like sit on my tummy" I replied laughing.

Ryan on the other hand had drawn a deep breath and said angrily "If I could just get a hold of him for one minute..."

"Yeah, yeah" I said nodding "there's nothing you can say that I haven't already heard a thousand times from Spencer."

Ryan crawled across the floor to me and pulled me on to his lap.

"You know he's a lucky kid" Ran said resting his head on my shoulder.

He must have felt me tense up because he continued to say "don't get me wrong, you're like a little sister to me. I'm just saying there aren't nearly enough girls like you."

In the distance I could hear the laugher of college students venturing off into the excitement of the night. That should have been me.

"Ry I'm not a good person" I said leaning my head against his.

"Girlie don' say that" Ryan replied grasping my hand.

"Don't defend me. I've been running away from myself for so long. When it happened I disconnected from everything. I just keep doing things that my- my mom did to me."

I nodded blinking the stinging from my eyes fiercely.

Ryan patted my shoulder and said gently "Well let's say you have made some mistakes. Everybody back in Chicago understands that and knows what's best for you."

His eyes searched my face till it was evident that I wasn't going to say anything, only then continuing.

"You have to know that you have made a lot of good influences in a lot of peoples' lives. Just look at our band. We haven’t ever played a show and now we are already recording an album."

I waved my hand dismissively. "You guys are good so it was bound to happen, I just quickened the process-" I said but Ryan cut me off.

"Okay then think about Spencer. I swear I've never seen him so infatuated with anyone before. He talks about you like you are an angel. He's so in love. I don't think you can understand."

I could feel the heat rush to my face as I glanced fondly in the glass panels of the door at the boy I loved. He sat on the floor drumming his fingers across the coffee table.

I looked back at Ryan changing the subject.

"What were you and Brendon arguing about this time?" Ryan stopped and looked up at the darkening sky.

“Well I guess it sounds pretty ridiculous now but he kept pronouncing ‘caricature’ wrong. He doesn’t think it’s important but to me it really is.”

I cracked a smile and tousled his hair playfully. “You gotta chill out dude,” I said knowingly “I understand wanting things the way you imagined but this is like a marriage. You have to give and take to make it work.”

“I’m trying” he replied.

“I think I’m gonna go get a smoothie” Ryan said after a bit of comfortable silence.

I nodded and got up to sit on the railing of the balcony. “Do you want me to bring you something back?” he asked.

“No, you just… just be safe ‘kay?” I replied smiling.

He nodded, winked at me, and went back into the apartment. I swung my legs over the railing so that my feet dangled two stories over the ground. I waited there till I saw Ryan jog out into the parking lot beneath me. Once he reached the street I got to my feet and eased to door open, entering unnoticed.

Tiptoeing across the floor I ran my hands through my hair attempting to make it more attractive. I crouched down next to Spencer but he didn’t notice me. His eyes were scrunched tight shut and his fingers drummed across the edge of the table in sync with the head phones in his ears. After a second of watching him I seized him by the shoulders and toppled over backwards. Our lips smashed together hungrily and searched each other out as if our lived depended on it. I slid my hands in the back pockets of Spencer’s jeans and pulled him so closed it seemed like every inch of our bodies was touching. Every time Spencer and were alone together (hardly ever anymore) there was this incredible sexual tension, but we had never actually done the deed.

We were quickly straying into territory that was foreign for me so Spencer began to take over. He had just unbuckled my belt when Brendon strolled casually out of the bathroom, nothing but a towel around his hips.

“Oh don’t mind me” he said smirking, and took a seat on the couch.

I scrambled to pull my shirt down from where it was bunched up around my neck.

“Dude put some clothes on” Spencer said frowning.

“I could say the same thing to you two” he replied, blushing more heavily than I was.

Spencer gestured toward the door and we scampered back into the bedroom, but were disappointed to find Brent already asleep in his bunk. We discussed going in to the studio to continue but quickly threw out the idea.

“Jesus” he whispered “this sucks.”

Spencer knew that I hadn’t had sex and that I really wanted to wait. At the same time I know that he and Hayley had been active and that he wanted to. I smiled at him and went up on tiptoes to give a quick kiss goodnight.

“I’m just going to go to bed sweetie” I breathed and climbed up onto the top bunk of one of the beds.

He kissed my forehead goodnight in return and went back to watch television with Brendon.