Everything Is Alright
It Was an Accident
I woke up inches away from Justin’s face. A bubble of panic exploded in my chest.
No! No, that didn’t happen! Rewind, please! Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Well, that’s what got you here in the first place, wasn’t it?, the little voice inside my head pointed out viciously.
I looked over him to the clock. It was almost noon. I sighed. He was still dead asleep. I put my hands over my eyes. What had I done? I knew sleeping with Justin would come back to bite me later.
Hopefully much later.
I barely had time to feel the effects of my hangover before I heard the front door opening. Had I forgot to lock it last night? I probably had. I sat up quickly, holding the covers tightly around my body. Where were my clothes?
“Justin?” a voice called. “Liz?” I closed my eyes, recognizing the voice. I heard footsteps approaching closer and closer and prayed they wouldn’t come in.
“Justin?” another voice I recognized echoed. Justin stirred. The door opened. Nicole stood there. I was glad Tony had stayed in the living room for now, at least.
“Oh. My. God,” she said, starting to back out of the room. Justin woke up and looked around. “Okay. Well…you two…” she began, at a loss for words. She shook her head. “Jesus Christ! Put some clothes on!” she exclaimed, before closing the door. Justin blinked, a little confused. I still held the covers to myself. There was a minute of full silence.
“So we…” Justin said, finally speaking.
“Yeah,” I finished. He got up and started putting clothes on, not saying anything. Maybe we had been unbelievably drunk, but I remembered exactly what happened. He faced away from me. I hesitated to get out of his bed, finding my clothes scattered around the floor. I was feeling self-conscious as I pulled my clothes on too, embarrassed even though I had no problem being undressed last night (apparently).
“Justin…” I tried, once I was fully dressed. He looked at me, finally turning around. “That…I…” He just stared at me. “It…it was an accident,” I said, watching his face fall as I said the word ‘accident.’ I realized what I said too late. “No, wait, I didn’t mean it,” I said desperately, changing my mind. “What I meant is…it shouldn’t have happened.” He continued to stare, stony-faced. “Justin…”
“No, I get it,” he said finally, after another long silence. His face looked clouded. “It didn’t mean anything,” he said dully. He walked out the door with a final glance at me. He shut the door loudly and left me standing there. I kicked at the wall a few times in frustration at my own stupidity, succeeding only in stubbing my toe.
I left the room in time to see Justin heading outside, closely followed by Tony, who was calling after him to stop. Which left Nicole sitting on the couch and me standing in the middle of the living room. I avoided her gaze and started pacing. I could feel her eyes following me.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she demanded suddenly.
“Apparently I wasn’t,” I muttered.
“You have a boyfriend!” she hissed. “What are you going to do?” I continued to pace. “What could possibly possess you to do that?” she demanded. “Don’t you know how hurt Justin must be?” I collapsed onto one of the recliners and stared at the ceiling. “What happened?”
“We were drunk,” I explained bleakly.
“When are you going to stop using that excuse?” I blinked, surprised.
“What?”
“The both of you need to stop drinking for the sake of drinking,” she said in irritation. “You see where it gets you?” I stared at her, not knowing what to say. I opened my mouth to argue, but changed my mind. She was right.
“I know,” I said quietly.
“I mean, if you’re bored, play a fucking board game! You don’t have to go to the bar!” she said. I found myself getting annoyed and didn’t answer. “What are you going to do?” she asked again.
“I don’t know,” I said, burying my face in my hands.
“Are you going to tell him?” she asked. I shrugged. I was just getting over the fact that she had given me the reality check I needed.
No! No, that didn’t happen! Rewind, please! Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Well, that’s what got you here in the first place, wasn’t it?, the little voice inside my head pointed out viciously.
I looked over him to the clock. It was almost noon. I sighed. He was still dead asleep. I put my hands over my eyes. What had I done? I knew sleeping with Justin would come back to bite me later.
Hopefully much later.
I barely had time to feel the effects of my hangover before I heard the front door opening. Had I forgot to lock it last night? I probably had. I sat up quickly, holding the covers tightly around my body. Where were my clothes?
“Justin?” a voice called. “Liz?” I closed my eyes, recognizing the voice. I heard footsteps approaching closer and closer and prayed they wouldn’t come in.
“Justin?” another voice I recognized echoed. Justin stirred. The door opened. Nicole stood there. I was glad Tony had stayed in the living room for now, at least.
“Oh. My. God,” she said, starting to back out of the room. Justin woke up and looked around. “Okay. Well…you two…” she began, at a loss for words. She shook her head. “Jesus Christ! Put some clothes on!” she exclaimed, before closing the door. Justin blinked, a little confused. I still held the covers to myself. There was a minute of full silence.
“So we…” Justin said, finally speaking.
“Yeah,” I finished. He got up and started putting clothes on, not saying anything. Maybe we had been unbelievably drunk, but I remembered exactly what happened. He faced away from me. I hesitated to get out of his bed, finding my clothes scattered around the floor. I was feeling self-conscious as I pulled my clothes on too, embarrassed even though I had no problem being undressed last night (apparently).
“Justin…” I tried, once I was fully dressed. He looked at me, finally turning around. “That…I…” He just stared at me. “It…it was an accident,” I said, watching his face fall as I said the word ‘accident.’ I realized what I said too late. “No, wait, I didn’t mean it,” I said desperately, changing my mind. “What I meant is…it shouldn’t have happened.” He continued to stare, stony-faced. “Justin…”
“No, I get it,” he said finally, after another long silence. His face looked clouded. “It didn’t mean anything,” he said dully. He walked out the door with a final glance at me. He shut the door loudly and left me standing there. I kicked at the wall a few times in frustration at my own stupidity, succeeding only in stubbing my toe.
I left the room in time to see Justin heading outside, closely followed by Tony, who was calling after him to stop. Which left Nicole sitting on the couch and me standing in the middle of the living room. I avoided her gaze and started pacing. I could feel her eyes following me.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she demanded suddenly.
“Apparently I wasn’t,” I muttered.
“You have a boyfriend!” she hissed. “What are you going to do?” I continued to pace. “What could possibly possess you to do that?” she demanded. “Don’t you know how hurt Justin must be?” I collapsed onto one of the recliners and stared at the ceiling. “What happened?”
“We were drunk,” I explained bleakly.
“When are you going to stop using that excuse?” I blinked, surprised.
“What?”
“The both of you need to stop drinking for the sake of drinking,” she said in irritation. “You see where it gets you?” I stared at her, not knowing what to say. I opened my mouth to argue, but changed my mind. She was right.
“I know,” I said quietly.
“I mean, if you’re bored, play a fucking board game! You don’t have to go to the bar!” she said. I found myself getting annoyed and didn’t answer. “What are you going to do?” she asked again.
“I don’t know,” I said, burying my face in my hands.
“Are you going to tell him?” she asked. I shrugged. I was just getting over the fact that she had given me the reality check I needed.