Everything Is Alright

“Why weren’t you in class today?” I asked, as Justin let me inside his dorm room.

“Uh…” he said, looking tired.

“Have you been drinking?” I asked, looking closer.

“Something like that,” he muttered. This was my first encounter with a drunk Justin. “You want some?”

“Sure.” Some friend I was. “But I have class in an hour.” I took the can he handed me anyway. He offered me a cigarette, which I also took. We laid on the floor, side by side.

“What kind of music do you like?” he asked suddenly.

“I kind of have this obsession with modern rock,” I explained. He nodded. I missed class that day. I didn’t realize that it would become a trend at first. Wasting away the days with nicotine. I had given up smoking since then.

“Do you play anything?” he inquired.

“No,” I said, almost laughing. “I have no musical talent whatsoever. You?”

“Some guitar,” he answered. We talked for the whole day, about anything and everything.

“Have you ever been in love, Justin?”

“Once, I think. I don’t know. I was eight. Girl next door.”

“Aw…cute,” I said. He blushed a little.

“What about you?” he asked.

“Nah,” I answered. “I rock too fast for love,” I decided.

“Footloose, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “In my velcro shoes,” I added, laughing at my own lameness.

“That’s cool, too, I guess,” he answered. I laughed at myself again.

“I guess,” I repeated.

*****************************************************************************

The smell of coffee woke me up. Nicole was up, apparently. I'm not really a coffee person. I joined her in the kitchen.

“Did you have fun last night with Tony?” I asked her.

“Did you have fun with Justin?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

“Uhh…” I thought. “No comment.”

“Come on,” she said. “I so saw you guys making out.”

“He asked me out.” I just threw it out there.

“What did you say?”

“Yes,” I answered. “I think.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s kind of hazy, you know?”

“Whatever, we should do that again.” The phone rang.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey,” Justin answered. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” I said. Nicole was staring at me.

“Wanna come over? I’m bored.”

“Sure,” I said. “I’ll be there in a little while.”

“Cool. Bye.”

I was at his apartment fifteen minutes later. He hugged me after letting me inside. I went to sit on his couch and turned on the tv. He sat next to me and turned it back off.

“So last night…” I began. He interrupted by kissing me on the lips. Then I remembered something...

I walked up the stairs and pushed open the door. I felt a breeze and pulled my sweatshirt tighter around me. I could see the full moon perfectly from up here. I looked straight ahead, where Justin was pulling out a lighter. I went to go stand next to him at the ledge of the Roof, staring down below.

I didn’t like looking down, especially not at night. I felt like I would fall into a big dark pit of nothing. I shivered at the thought.

“Want a hit?” Justin asked, also looking down. I knew I could find him here if he wasn’t anywhere else. The roof of our dorm wasn’t a very public place, and I knew he liked that.

Our unspoken meeting place.

“Sure,” I said, accepting. I inhaled, the smoke burning my throat and the inside of my nose. I ignored it and took another before handing it back to Justin.

We stood quietly for awhile, passing it back and forth every so often. I had only known him for about three or four months at this point, and knew by now that he was kind of reserved.

Then after an hour or so, I didn’t know what was happening. I felt like I was watching me and Justin but couldn’t really control what I was doing. He blew another puff of smoke. I should really ask what things are before I take them.

I saw him leaning closer to me, lips almost touching mine.

“Betty?” Justin asked, pulling me back into reality. We had pulled away. My heart was hammering. What had happened after that? I wanted to know. Was it that I couldn’t remember, or was it some suppressed memory? If something did happen, would I have remembered? “Are you okay?” Justin was asking. I shook my head.

“Yeah,” I said, instead. He looked unsure. I hesitated. “Justin…do you remember that night on The Roof?”

“Which night on The Roof?” he asked. There were a lot.

“The night…did we…were we…kissing?” I asked disjointedly, thinking hard. He furrowed his eyebrows and stared at me hard for a few seconds.

“What are you talking about, Betty?” he asked. “We never kissed on The Roof.”

“We…didn’t?” I asked distractedly, confused. He shook his head, also confused.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked. I shook my head again.

I had no idea what was going on in my mind.

But I swear I’m not crazy.