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::A week later::

Jon sighed and smiled inwardly as he let himself slip into memories of his past.

“Why can I never let myself just enjoy something?” she said through choked sobs, “ I don’t feel like I can ever be enough for you… You deserve better than me. I’m so sorry, Jon.”

She then fell to her knees and cried into her hands. Seeing her tears made his heart ache, as well as knowing that she felt so strongly about making him happy. Even when she was crying, she could make him smile.

As he knelt beside her, he didn’t have a chance to console her because she threw her arms around him and cried into his shoulder. Wrapping his arms around her and stroking her hair, he tried to make her tears stop. “Shh. Honey, it’s alright. I love you, baby.” Cupping her small chin in his hand, he made her look at him, though she resisted. She always had such a cute way of not wanting him to see her cry. That made him smile. She always made him smile.

She tried to look away, “No, Bunni, look at me.” She blinked and another tear fell down her perfect cheek before looking into his eyes. “I will always love you, no matter what. Okay? Always.”

She smiled sadly and nodded. He wanted to do whatever it was going to take to bring back a real smile to her pretty lips. “Sweetie, close your eyes,” he said softly. As always, she complied with every bit of trust she had to give. Just that made him smile. He kissed her eyes and wiped her tears away, kissing from one corner of her left eye to the opposite corner of her right eye, then down her cheeks until he got to her lips.

The kiss they shared was soft, sweet, and slow. He gently pushed her down so that she was lying on her back and lay on top of her. He began slowly kissing her neck, his pulse-and some other things- slowly rising. She sighed contentedly as he worshipped her, licking her neck, sucking her clavicles, she was in heaven and he hadn’t even touched her… yet.
As if reading her mind, his wandering hand slipped down her tight little jeans and into her panties, gently caressing her. Always the more vocal between the two, he was rewarded by a little gasp/moan from her that made his pants tighten considerably…
Thinking about the slow, passionate love they had made that night made him miss her even more. He loved how caring she always was and how considerate of him she was. She really had been the sweetest girl he had ever known. But now wasn’t the time to be thinking of those things, now he had to go see an old friend. Looking at one of her beautiful paintings as he left his bedroom made him smile. Sabriel had been such a good artist.
He was dressed in black Tripp pants and a black button-up shirt in a few minutes and he pulled on his boots before grabbing his wallet and slipping a 9mm handgun into the waistband of his pants against the small of his back. Walking past Cal’s ajar bedroom door, he looked over the room, seeing that the man was asleep. Good. He didn’t want him to know he had been anywhere. Silently slipping out the front door to their building, he enjoyed the cold December air against his face.

What has my old friend been up to all these years? I’ve not seen the man since I was in high school. And then I only stopped seeing him because I didn’t want to get hurt for Bunni’s sake. I forgot just how close to Naelsa we had been living. I’m almost there now.

Letting himself become lost in his thoughts the rest of the walk there, he
admired the beautiful New York scenery as he walked through the bad part of the city--buildings that were no longer in use, a few sleeping homeless people, a stray dog or two, and that beautiful full moon reflecting off of the think snowy mush. Inhaling the exhaust deeply, he wondered why he’d come here in the first place. Maybe it had been because--quickly turning on his heel, and pulling his gun from his pants, he saw a man that was muscular and shorter than him, with dark blue eyes and a dark ponytail at the base of his neck. He smirked as he tensed his finger on the trigger a bit.

“ Aw, come on, you wouldn’t hurt me, would you?” A deep voice asked him. The man put his arms out and smiled. Jon put his weapon away and embraced the man with one arm.
With a smirk he replied, “No, but I probably should. I thought you and the boys said you’d protect her.” The hurt in his voice was evident, but his face did not show it.

Naelsa sadly nodded. “That we did. I’m sorry that had to happen. But there was nothing we could do. One of our girls was at the show she was at the night before it happened, but she said no one saw her leave early. But that’s beside the point. What in the hell are you doing here, man?”

Silent for only a short moment, he gathered himself and spoke quietly, “ If your offer still stands, I was hoping to come back.”

The man looked strictly professional at this news. “You want to join us again? Why?”
“I’ve nothing else. And, thinking about it, being here is the last thing in this world that I can be happy with doing without her.”

Naelsa sighed, “Come with me.” They walked in silence into the building they were previously standing in front of and walked down a long flight of stairs. At the bottom was a big foyer, with six doors in it. There was a sofa and a television, people were drinking various alcohol and smoking. Yep, just how he remembered it. “Wait here,” was all he said before leaving Jon to his memories.

Oh, the things he had done in just this room. So many firsts, good memories, and bad ones. This was the room in which he had had his first fight. Someone walked out of the first door on the left. And that was the room in which he had lost his virginity-a memory he was not particularly proud of. When he had met Sabriel, he wished he had still been a virgin for her as she was for him.

“Where have you been, dude?” A familiar voice spoke from behind him.
Turning he realized the face was familiar as well. “Kenneth. You’re still here?” Honestly. He would have expected the man to have O.D.’d on something or gotten himself killed with his other various habits.

“Well, yeah. I’ve been here this whole time. They needed some more people once you left. No one’s been as good a shot as you were.” His voice almost held adoration, and at the same time, resentment.

“I’m back now if they’ll want me. I don’t have anything else to do now Sabriel’s gone.” Jon clearly didn’t give a damn about him, but he retained his pleasant disposition unbeknownst to the idiot to whom he was speaking.

The man’s eyes widened. “Whoa! You mean…She left you?”
Jon wanted to strike him, but refrained, “No, she’s dead,” he flatly replied.
Giving thanks to whomever it was due, he walked hastily toward Naelsa, who had just walked out of the last room on the right, smiling. Knowing who the occupant probably was, he was prepared to negotiate his return. But the scent that surrounded him as he neared the room told him that it was a different man now. The new occupant smelled of peach cigars and scotch. Brandon!

Seeing the recognition on Jon’s face, Naelsa spoke, amusement painting his deep voice. “Go in. He has a word or two for you.”

Nodding to his friend, he stepped past him over the threshold of the dark room, taking in its familiarity and its changes. “Jonathan! How have you been all these years?” The man’s warm gray eyes and dark complexion brought back so many different memories, he couldn’t tie one specific emotion to him. Hut he did dislike the was he accentuated the word have. To Jon, that made him sound like an asshole.
“I left nearly--”

“Please sit.” He still had that old way of interrupting you.

“Nearly ten years ago because of Sabriel.--”

“Yes, and we anticipated your return with her death. Can we just get to the part where you ask me if you can return?” He said smugly but with a sense of humor.

He certainly hadn’t changed one bit in Jon’s absence. “I would really like to return. But I do have a question pending your acceptance; will I still have my old job as your replacement?” Jon inquired. Apparently the man he was speaking to had forgotten that he was speaking to a man that was once nearly his superior and half his age.

Recovering quickly, the man spoke with the utmost superiority, “You have been gone and it is likely that you will have to be reevaluated, the situation will progress from there.”
His smile hidden in the shadows of the dark office, he agreed. “Of course. But if that is all you require of me,“ Naelsa cleared his throat form the doorway, ”I do have other thing to take care of at the moment.” With that, he stood and exited the room, leaving the man looking worried.
Smiling, Naelsa clapped Jon on the shoulder. “Good man. No one can here can make him feel threatened like that.”
“Well they don’t have the ability. He is the head of the New York division, he should fear nothing.”
“Then why des he fear you?”
“I think because when I was 15 I was close to being given his position, and now I’m back. His job is being threatened, that’s all. Where are you taking me now?”
“I’m going to show you to your office for old time’s sake.”

Walking in a comfortable silence to his acceptance was pleasant, but it gave him time to think. He wondered what had become of the people he was almost close to while he had been here in the past. His thoughts were brought back to Angel and her children he was a surrogate father to… He wanted to ask about her death and find out if it was true, but he thought now wasn’t the best time for such discussions. Also, he wanted to know about Ember, and if- his thoughts were interrupted when Naelsa stopped walking and gestured to the room on their left. His jaw nearly dropped.

Amusement and frustration colouring his voice, he exclaimed, “What the fuck! They freaking took my chair!” Jon was laughing hard now. “You give me the same office and the fucking chair is still missing!”

Naelsa gave him a funny look and smiled. Understanding his reaction, he felt bad for the man. He needed to laugh, to smile. But how was a man to react when his whole life dies and he is left to survive without it? He turned silently and left him to deal with his problems his own way. It would have to be a few days before they could give him an assignment. Or maybe that was what he needed to take his mind off of the situation. He shut the door before he left.

Laughter soon turned to anger. The room was perfectly neat, with the desk organized and the bed made. It wasn’t a huge room but it was 20X18 and that was comfortable to work in. But nothing was comfortable when you feel betrayal, anger, loss, and confusion that no one living person can quell. He let his emotions control him as he had a habit of doing. That was the one thing she said she didn’t like about him. He had always tried to not let his emotions get the better of him for her sake. But now there was no reason to take anyone else into consideration. She was after all, DEAD.

Picking up a lamp and tearing it from the electrical socket behind the desk it sat on, he threw it across the room, watching it smash against the rear wall of his office as the absence of its light enveloped him. He sighed and sat on the edge of his bed he easily found in the darkness. “What’s wrong with me, baby?”

As if in response to his quiet plea, the door opened and light flooded in, forming a feminine silhouette. He wasn’t exactly sure who it was, but he could have guessed. The woman didn’t see him at first and looked surprised to find the room occupied. “Oh! I didn’t know you were in here, I was just bringing back the-- Jonathan?” Curiosity colored her voice.
Puzzled at first, he recognized the woman, now in her mid thirty’s. “Ember. I didn’t know if you were still here,” was all he could say.

“ I couldn’t leave. I owed it to them after what they did for me.” She sounded accepting rather than sad about her situation. That was always something he liked about her; she was strong.. Even if her intelligence could be described as.. lacking.
“As long as you’re happy with the situation…”

“But why are YOU here? I thought you left because of that girl?”
He let her reference to his Bunni slip because he knew she didn’t mean it in a derogatory manner. “I did, but she isn’t alive anymore. So I guess I’m back for lack of anything better to do.”

Pouting, she acted offended, “You don’t sound so happy to be here, didn’t you miss me?”
No. “Of course I did. How could I not miss you?” She didn’t detect the sarcasm in his voice.
Stepping closer to him, she smiled and wrapped her arms around him in a soft embrace. “I missed you, Jonathan.”

Awkwardly, he hugged her back and nodded. As soon as she released him, he took a step back, needing to distance himself form her. She walked past him and sat on the end of his bed, crossing her legs so that her already short skirt rose even more. He didn’t look at anything but her face. It occurred to him that she could be pretty were she not so thin. She did have pretty olive colored eyes, but her jaw line was too sharp and her hair color was too red.
“You know, I always had a crush on you. Then you hooked up with Sabriel. But now… I don’t know. I shouldn’t be asking, but I was wondering once you’re over all of this, if you might wanna be with me…?” She sounded so nervous, she was almost cute. But she was still unattractive to him in every important way. Anyway, she didn’t have a nice neck. She was just too thin.

He sat her down on the bed and sat beside her. In a soft tone, he said, ”I’m sorry, Ember, but I don’t think I can be with anyone even after all of this becomes less devastating. Its just that no one could ever make me as happy as she did.”

“Oh. Well, alright then.” She lightly kissed his cheek and left the room, only stopping once to briefly look at him and say: ”There’s someone looking for you.”

He almost felt bad, but he didn’t really have the extra emotions to waste on her right now. He was more interested on who was looking for him. But he would let them come to him so he decided to look around and see what things were still here. Looking in the drawers of his desk, he saw a small cerulean box that held six new razorblades. She would be thrilled at this new discovery. I wish she had never done that in the first place though.

His poor Bunni had been so sad when they had met. She had become his little emo Bunni. But she was happy. He had never understood the appeal of cutting to alleviate sadness…
Almost without thought, he took out a blade, the little light in the room glistening off the side, and ran the edge against the underside of his forearm, leaving a half-an-inch deep cut. Dropping the blade, he sighed as he watched the two inch long, pink cut filled with blood and then spilled over, dripping off into the floor. That’s going to have to be cleaned later… Why did she find comfort in causing herself pain? Emotionally, I feel no different. Maybe she just found some poetic beauty in it I can’t see. But she could always find beauty in everything. Even in me.

He sighed and silently watched his blood fall. The silence, however, was soon interrupted by a small voice announcing its presence, “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

Looking up, he saw that the voice came from a short, very cute woman. She was wearing a short black and silver pleated skirt with black fishnet tights and combat boots. Her shirt was black and cut like a corset top, with a bleeding smiley face on it. Black and red eyeliner lay under her green eyes. That was Alyssa just as he remembered her. He smiled. “No, you are not. Come here!” he said with outstretched arms.

She giggled in her girlish way and ran to him, letting him envelop her in his big arms. Pulling back to look at him, she looked a bit worried. “You don’t look like you’ve been doing well. How have you been taking things?” Looking at his bleeding arm, she said, “You’ve not been developing any bad habits, have you?”

He chuckled at the way she was so worried about him. It was really sweet, she was just so cute. “No, I was just.. Ah never mind. Its nothing though. So how have you been, kid?”
She just nodded in understanding. She always seemed to understand him. “I’ve been about as good as I can be. I as engaged, but it didn’t work out. So I came back as one of the girls here.”
“You what! Why would you do that to yourself?”

“I’m just kidding. I’m doing the same thing I was before.. Mostly filing and sometimes being a lure.”

“You scared me, kid.”

“No, I wouldn’t do that. I like myself too much.” She smiled at the thought of his concern for her.

He would have rather seen her killing people than whoring herself out for this place, even if they did treat their hookers well. “I’m glad. You really should think well of yourself. You’re probably the nicest person I’ve ever met.”

Smiling she gently corrected him, “No, Sabriel is. I’ve just known you longer. I’m really sorry to hear about that… I.. was the girl that was at the show with her. But I couldn’t see her leave,” she sighed and looked down. “I’m sorry.” He cupped her chin, bringing her gaze to meet his as he had done many times with Bunni. “I don’t blame you.” He chuckled. “But why would they have you go to a crowded place? They should know you wouldn’t be able to see over everyone,” he teased.

Smirking, she looked at him indignantly, “That’s not cool, man… Thanks, though.”

“No problem, kid. So why don’t you show me around since I’ve been gone so long. I’m sure some things have changed.” He began to gently push her out of the room and saw his arm. “Damn. You’re going to have to wait a second.”

Smiling, she took his arm and examined it. “You’re not going emo on me, are you?” she teased.

He chuckled. “No, I was just attempting to uncover the appeal.”

“Well as good with psychology as you are, you should have already known that,” she said as she searched through his desk for a first aid box.

“Yeah. I just had to see for myself, you know? Thinking about stuff…”

Pulling out isopropyl alcohol from the box and a cloth, she began cleaning the wound. “You did it because Bunni did. Right?”

Alyssa was the only other person who had called her Bunni. “Well kind of. I was just thinking about her and I found the blades.”

She was wrapping the cut with a fresh piece of cloth and putting tape over it now; she was his little nurse. “I understand. I don’t think there is much of an appeal to it, personally,” she said, replacing the box in his desk and standing.

He smiled, examining his arm. “What do you charge?” he inquired playfully.
“Just some company for a few hours. I’m lonely.” With the pout that pulled her lower lip down, how could he decline that offer? She was so adorable!

He draped his arm over her shoulders and guided her into the hallway. “So where do you want to take me?”

She giggled. “Not a whole lot here has changed, but Brandon thinks he owns the whole world now… Why is your chair in the hallway?”

“He always thought that, sweetheart. Uh, don’t worry about that,” he laughed. It felt good to laugh. But he felt guilty to be laughing without Sabriel.