Emmett and the Birds and the Bees

Emmett Cullen quietly stared at the text of his High School Health Studies book.

He didn’t read the text on this page, or any of the other pages. He didn’t feel the need to; after all, once you’ve read one, you’ve read them all, right? But then again, that was back in the early 1960’s…..

What intrigued him about this specific page wasn’t the nude model of the female anatomy, (or Male, for that matter) but the picture of an unborn child. Now, had he read a more current Health book, or had simply paid attention to his Health Studies teacher, he would have known where, and how babies were created. But, it was Emmett, after all.

For the rest of the day, that’s all Emmett could think about; and so he wondered where babies could possibly come from.

He continued to think about it as he walked out to the Shiny Volvo.

“Edward?” Edward turned to look at him as he lazily leaned against his Volvo.

Edward smiled slightly, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

Emmett could only blink at Edward, then turn toward his two other siblings, and wife, “Where do babies come from?”

They all stared at him, then Rosalie spoke, “I really hope you’re kidding.”

Oh if Emmett could blush.

“I am.” He covered his slightly embarrassed posture with a grin, and lightly nudged Rosalie’s shoulder, “Only an idiot wouldn’t know where babies came from.”

Edward smirked at him from over the top of Rosalie’s head, and he shot a glare at him.

Edward just turned and got into his Volvo.

When they arrived at home, a short five minutes later, Emmett turned to Alice, “Where do babies come from?” He whispered quietly.

“The stork brings them.”

“What’s a stork?”

Alice stared at him, “A bird.”

“Oh…so babies come from birds.”

“Yes Emmett, they do.” Alice nodded at him.

He grinned back at her, “Thanks Alice, you’re the best!”

She could only just smile in return.

Emmett made his way up to the room that he and Rosalie shared.

“So, I know where babies come from.”

She turned her head, “Oh yeah? Where’s this?”

“The stork brings them!”

Rosalie snorted, “You should go speak to Carlisle.”

Emmett went straight to Carlisle’s office.

Carlisle looked up at his adopted vampire son, “Yes Emmett?”

“Where do babies come from?” Carlisle’s eyes went wide. He had obviously not expected this at all.

“Well Emmett, you see, when a man and a woman really love each other…..well,” Carlisle shook his head slightly, “Let me start again. Now I’m going to tell you a little story called the Birds and the Bees.”

Emmett’s eyes were wide as he walked out into the hallway. Not only had Carlisle told him where babies came from, but he had pulled books out and showed just exactly how it had happened, and he’d even painted word pictures in his head.

Emmett was traumatized.

Edward, Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper all laughed at the look on his face.

He looked at Rosalie, shook his head, “I’m gonna…go out for a bit.”

And that’s how Carlisle traumatized his adopted son.