Until You Feel It

''What's her name again?'' Gustav asked Vince and he rolled his eyes.

''Connie.'' Vince said.

We were sitting backstage at the talk show that the boys were doing a spot on. I was sitting on the couch talking to Georg and Bill and Tom were still in hair and makeup. Bill had a reason, he actually wore makeup, but Tom on the other hand, I think he was just stalling.

Eden danced around him as she powdered his face, making sure that he wouldn't be shiny. He was talking to her, and looked actually comfortable in the chair, which was something I'd personally never seen. That is unless the makeup girl was drop dead gorgeous and he was hitting on her.

''That about does it.'' Eden said, stepping back from Tom.

''Oh wait.'' she said, stepping back towards him. She adjusted his hat and ever so subtly slipped a piece of paper underneath it, no doubt with her number on it.

''Thanks.'' he said, taking her hand and then kissing it. Poor Eden looked like she was going to explode.

When Bill was finished with his makeup, he vanished into his dressing room. I was concerned, he usually sat and talked to me for a while.

''Is Bill alright?'' I asked Georg who was sitting next to me.

''Why?'' he asked, clearly oblivious to Bill's mood.

''He seems upset. I asked him earlier and he said he had a headache.'' I said and Georg shrugged.

''He probably does, the noise catches up with us all at one point.'' he told me and I sighed. Somehow, a headache just didn't feel like it was the reason.

Vince came back into the room –I hadn't noticed that he left- and was carrying a glass of water and something else in his closed fist. He knocked on Bill's door and Bill opened it. He took the glass of water and Vince dropped two Tylenols into Bill's hand and then Bill closed the door again.

Five minutes later Bill came out and Vince breathed a sigh of relief. A show technician came to the door and mumbled something to Vince and he nodded.

''Alright boys, you're on after this break. Big smiles.'' Vince said and like they always did, the band put on their best rehearsed smiles.

I'd seen these smiles so many times. They were the ones the boys used at photo shoots, or when we were somewhere that the press was. This time seemed different though. I looked at Bill, his smile was the same as it usually was, save for his eyes, they didn't seem as happy as the rest of his face.

I wanted to know what was wrong. Everyone else believed that he had a headache, but he wasn't fooling me, there was something more. I longed to get him alone, just so I could talk to him, so I could hold him and ask what was wrong.

We all left the main dressing room and I took my spot next to Vince in the front row while the boys got outfitted with their wires. Although Bill was talking and laughing with the technicians, his eyes were still sad. I'm pretty sure I was the only one who could see it though because everyone else seemed to buy the fake smile.

This interview went much like the last one minus the mention of the magazine. They asked almost the same questions and the boys gave virtually the same answers. Bill took charge of the interview like he usually did, giving most of the answers and making a lot of the witty questions. I had asked the boys about that, Bill taking over like he did. They said they didn't mind cause they got to sit there and look good while he ran the risk of making himself look like an idiot in front of all those people, although he rarely ever did.

After the interview, Bill vanished into his dressing room again and I sat down next to Georg. Eden was sitting in one of the spinning chairs used for hair and makeup and Tom was leaning against the counter in front of her. The two were so obviously flirting shamelessly. Gustav was sitting against the wall by the door with his phone out, texting his girlfriend no doubt.

I looked towards the closed door that separated me from Bill and sighed to myself.

''Georg there's something wrong with him.'' I said, still looking at the door.

''What makes you so sure?'' Georg asked.

''His eyes are sad.'' I said and he gave me a questioning look.

''If you think there's something wrong then talk to him.'' Georg said and I sighed.

I got up and knocked on the door to his dressing room.

''Yea?'' Bill's voice came from inside.

''It's me can I come in?'' I asked softly.

''I guess.'' he said after a minute of silence.

When I went in he was sitting on a chair in the corner with his legs crossed and a few papers sprawled across the table in front of him. I sat in the chair across from him. I didn't know exactly what to ask, I knew that if I asked what was wrong he would tell me he had a headache.

''Bill, are you ok?'' I asked.

''I'm fine, my head just hurts.'' he said, still looking down at his papers.

''Are you sure?'' I asked. A part of me knew he was partially lying. Maybe his head did hurt, but that wasn't all.

''I promise.'' he said, looking up at me with a faint smile on his face.

''You'd tell me if it was something else right?'' I asked.

''Of course.'' he said, looking back down at his papers.

''Ok.'' I sighed.

I got up and went back out to the main room. I sat next to Georg, who was reading a car magazine. I put my head back and stared at the ceiling.

There was something wrong, and I knew it.