Until You Feel It

''Look at her! He's known her for what a day and a half? And they're already holding hands!'' I said furiously.

''He only knew you for about five seconds before he kissed you.'' Leah pointed out.

''Yea well that's different, I'm not some stupid blonde…blonde…skank!'' I blurted out and Leah sighed.

We were on our way to the next city on the tour and –much to my dismay- Erin was with us. We had spent the night in a motel across the road from the gas station slash auto shop and the bus was ready to go by morning.

I was sitting in the passenger's seat of the bus and the sliding glass door separating us from the rest of the bus was closed. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them, sighing loudly and looking away from the heart-wrenching scene to my left.

I had been so ready to tell Bill, so ready to find out if he felt the same way, so ready for him to know that I felt this way, and then she happened.

They were sitting on the couch, talking, laughing, and holding hands. Ugh! Even thinking it made me want to throw up. What did she have that I didn't? Why couldn't that be me on the couch, holding his hand and draping my legs over his. Ah! It was killing me to watch, even if I was trying desperately not to.

I saw someone coming towards us out of the corner of my eye and then there was a soft knock on the door. I looked up to see Georg.

''Can I come in?'' he asked, opening the door a bit and I nodded.

He came in, closed the door and then sat on the floor between Leah and I and leaned back against the door.

''What's up buttercup?'' Leah asked and Georg smiled.

''You said you would tell me later, does a day count as later?'' he asked and I smiled. At least he'd noticed that I'd been miserable for the last little while, at least he cared.

''Yea.'' I sighed and he gestured for me to continue.

''You have to keep your mouth shut, you can't say anything to any of them.'' I said and he made a zippering motion over his mouth.

''I…have feelings for Bill.'' I said softly and Georg's mouth fell open for a second before he snapped it shut.

''I kind of figured.'' he said and I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

''How do you know? I just figured this out.'' I said and he chuckled.

''It's the way you look at him, even if you just realized you feel this way, it's been in your eyes the whole time.'' he said.

''I didn't know you were so deep.'' I said and Georg chuckled.

''He's right though Mandy, it's in the way you look at him.'' Leah said.

I sighed and rested my chin on my knees. I looked to where Bill and Erin were sitting. His eyes looked so happy when he looked at her and it left a stinging feeling in my chest to look at them.

''Give it time, he'll come around.'' Georg said, standing up.

''What do you mean?'' I asked.

''Look at her, do you really think we could take that on tour? She'd get kidnapped!'' he said and I laughed.

''I'd totally do her.'' I admitted.

''I second that.'' Leah said and Georg laughed.

''I think you'd better go, Gustav looks ready to spontaneously combust.'' I said. Gustav was sitting at the table, staring anxiously at us, although he looked away when I looked at him.

''What do I tell him?'' Georg asked. I had a feeling that he wanted to let Gustav in the loop, but wouldn't if I didn't want him to.

''The truth, but make sure he doesn't tell Tom or Bill, I'd rather they not know.'' I said and Georg nodded.

''It'll be ok.'' Georg said. Then he kissed the top of my head and went to talk to Gustav.

''So we're keeping the twins out of this then?'' Leah asked.

''Looks like it.'' I said and she nodded.

It was silent for a few minutes as I hopelessly watched Bill and Erin. I was growing more spiteful of her by the second.

''So now what?'' Leah asked.

''Could you pull over?'' I asked and Leah got a concerned look on her face.

''Why?'' she asked.

''So I could leave Erin on the side of the road.'' I said spitefully and Leah laughed.