Until You Feel It

Tom and the rest of the boys were in my room. I had just told them what happened between Mandy and me. It was one of the hardest stories I'd ever had to tell in my life.

At first I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that Mandy had actually left me, but the way she slammed the door…

After she left me standing in the hall, everything went completely numb. I barely remember anything other than getting a cab and then being back in the hotel and letting myself fall onto the bed. After that I couldn't move, I couldn't find the will. I stayed face down on my bed for what felt like ever, just hearing her words over and over in my head.

''I've had it! I can't be with someone so selfish!''

The boys knocked on my door, asking if I was ok. I didn't answer, my voice was gone. Tom eventually asked the front desk for the key and came in. He sat next to me and I could hear the concern in his voice as he asked me what happened. I just couldn't say anything though. It hurt so much to think about it, I could only imagine the pain that would come from saying it.

''So that's why Mandy screamed at me?'' Tom asked, his tone flat. Even hearing her name sent a twinge of pain through me.

''Bill, we all know that she didn't mean it, you included.'' Gustav said.

''And how exactly do we know that? She sounded pretty final to me.'' I said, her words once again playing in my mind.

''You didn't see her when she came inside.'' Tom said, referring to after she left me in the hall.

''Her face was so pale, she couldn't breath, and her expression was as if someone had just ripped her heart in half.'' he continued.

''I was there the whole time. She was in her room doing nothing but crying for an entire day, I could hear her. When she finally did come out, she was so pale, and she looked like part of her had died.'' Georg said.

I was having such a hard time taking all of this in. I mean she had broken up with me, why would it hurt her so much?

''Because Gustav is right, she didn't mean it, and you know it.'' a voice inside of me piped up.

''I think I'm going for a walk.'' I said, getting up.

''I think I'm going to go Alex, it's getting late.'' I said as Alex walked back towards the table.

''No it's not, you can stay.'' he said, still smiling.

''Eden made plans, we're uh- having a movie marathon tonight.'' I said, getting up and moving slowly towards the door.

''You're lying.'' Alex said, his smile faltering as though he was hurt by the fact that I lied to him.

I looked quickly to the door and then back at Alex. I wasn't that far from the door, but neither was Alex. I was going to have to take my chances.

I made a dash for the door and I could immediately hear Alex running to catch me. I got to the door and threw the deadbolt open. As my hand closed around the knob, I was ripped away from the door by one arm wrapped painfully tight around my waist and another hand pulling my hair and causing me to yell in pain.

''Mandy, I said that you could stay.'' Alex said, anger coloring his tone as he pulled me away from the door.

He pulled me back to the table and threw me down into my chair.

''Now, it's not polite to leave when we're having such a nice conversation.'' he said, his rage making him short of breath.

''I'm sorry.'' I whispered, looking at the floor, utterly terrified.

''I forgive you.'' Alex said and his expression went from a look of frustration back to his disturbing smile.

He sat down opposite me and lifted his water glass to his lips. I took this moment of distraction to attempt another escape. I started to stand up but stopped instantly when Alex's hand slammed down on the table.

''Mandy, I forgave you the first time, but I don’t know if I could find it in myself to forgive you again.'' he said, his hand tightening around the long steel knife it had just slammed down upon.

''I'm sorry, I was just going to get some more water.'' I said and then looked to my glass, praying it was empty and luckily it was.

''Well that's alright, I'll get it.'' he said, taking my glass and standing up, his knife still gripped tightly in his right hand.

I walked down the street in front of the hotel, it was relatively empty, a fact that I was thankful for. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I needed to sort through everything without anything or anyone to disturb me.

I loved Mandy with everything I had it was an irrefutable fact. Before all of this, just thinking about her, made my day that much better. If the last thing I ever saw was her smile, I'd die happy.

She was right, I was wrong to ask her to leave her entire life behind for me. It was selfish. Looking back, I couldn't believe I had pressed her like I did. For me to ask was one thing but to push and question her love was another.

I had been a total asshole and I prayed that she would take me back.

''Here you are.'' Alex said, setting my glass down in front of me.

''Thank you.'' I said, trying not to let my fear show in my voice.

''Aren't you going to drink?'' he asked, sounding almost angry.

''Of course!'' I said, quickly sipping my water and he smiled.

''Mandy, we were having such a lovely conversation before you tried to leave, let's continue.'' he said, sitting back down.

''Eden's going to wonder where I am.'' I stated.

''You're not going until we talk!'' Alex said, his anger flaring again and his knuckles turning white around the knife in his hand.

It was too much like a movie to be believable at this point.

I had been so stupid.

I had been kidnapped.

I needed to see her.

I needed to get out.