Until You Feel It

''Alex what are you talking about?'' I asked, following him with my eyes as he paced around the room.

''Don't you see Mandy? With Bill out of the way, you can realize just how much you love me.'' Alex said, his tone telling me that he though this to be the truest thing he'd ever said.

''I don't love you.'' I spat and Alex's expression went from delusional happiness to rage in two and a half seconds.

''Don't lie!'' he yelled, hitting me hard across the face yet again. It stung a little, but by this point, my face was starting to go numb from the pain. He took a breath and his expression changed back to a smile, the anger gone.

''I know you can't see it now, but without Bill to dilute your feelings for me, you'll see. You love me.'' he said, crouching down to be level with me.

''Now, what to do, what to do?'' Alex mumbled to himself as he moved back and forth between the living room and the kitchen.

As I sat there helpless, I knew I had to do something. Alex wanted Bill 'out of the picture', which in short meant dead. If anything happened to Bill because of me, I don't think I would be able to live with myself.

A hundred different plans ran through my head as I tried to come up with an escape that wouldn't fall through. Most of the plans that I had watched play out in my head ended with my stabbed or otherwise maimed. Then there was the possibility that I wasn't going to make it out o here alive at all, the possibility that Alex would completely loose it –not that he wasn't already over the edge- and get just a little too angry or hit just a little too hard. As much as I didn't want to think about that, it was definitely a possibility.

As if what was happening had just hit me, my eyes welled up with tears. I finally realized just how scared I was when the thought of never seeing Bill, Eden, Georg, or Gustav again crossed my mind. What I wouldn't give to hear Tom poke fun at Georg one more time.

When the tears that could no longer be held back cascaded down my cheeks, I completely let go and began to sob quietly, although Alex took no notice.

I closed my eyes and finally found an escape that worked, an escape into my own mind. With my eyes closed I wasn't here anymore, I was backstage with the boys before a show, I was in my apartment watching a movie with Eden, I was on the roof of the can, cuddled against Bill, his arms wrapped tightly around me, whispering 'I love you' in my ear. With my eyes closed, I was anywhere but here.

''But how to get him here?'' Alex asked himself as he stopped in the dining room and I opened my eyes at his change in questioning.

''Maybe a call from the guy his girlfriend is on a date with would get him over.'' he said, glancing towards the phone.

''We are not on a date.'' I said bitterly and Alex glared at me.

''Well we can't have you doing that while I talk to dearest Bill now can we?'' Alex asked, taking the duct tape off the table and ripping a piece off.

''Alex don't, Alex hmph!'' I said, the last part of my plea muffled by the tape that Alex placed over my mouth.

Alex took my phone from my pocket and looked through my contacts for Bill's number.

''What shall I tell him?'' he mused as he scrolled.

''Should I say that you don't want him anymore? No, you already told him that.'' he said and the reminder of what I had done made my heart ache.

''Or maybe I should say that the reason you don't want him is because of me. It's only fair to tell him the truth.''

''Or I could tell him that after dinner you couldn't contain yourself anymore and you took me right here on the table. Lies can be fun sometimes too, unless we make it true.'' Alex said, leaning down to my face.

He put one hand on either side of my head to keep me from moving and then pushed his lips uncomfortably against mine. Even though there was tape separating our lips, it still made me sick.

''Mmm!'' I screamed at him, or at least tried to. He sighed as he stood up.

''I guess we'd better go with the truth then.'' he said as he continued to scroll.

''Bill, Mandy wanted me to tell you that she never wants to see you again and that you are nothing compared to me.'' Alex rehearsed, putting the phone to his ear and then he laughed.

''No, that's too much.'' he said, an amused smile on his face.

''Bill, I'm sorry but Mandy just decided to move onto bigger and better things.'' he continued and his eyes lit up.

''That's the one.'' he said proudly and then went back to looking for Bill's number.

No matter what Alex said to him, there was no way he was going to get him over here. He would either be too hurt by Alex's lie or Eden had already told him that there was something going on and she would be adamant about him not coming over here. Either way, there would be no way that Bill would show up here.

As Alex started to dial, there was a knock at the door.

''Mandy?'' Bill's voice came from the other side.

''Shit.''