Until You Feel It

''Right hook! R-no! Move! Arg!'' Georg was yelling at the TV. He had found a boxing match and was getting rather into it.

''Will you be quiet? Bill's sleeping.'' I whispered furiously at Georg.

''Sorry.'' he said and then turned back to the TV, still moving along with the fighters, but not making as much noise.

Bill had fallen asleep at my bedside. His head was resting on the bed just beside the top of my legs and I was gently running my hands through his hair.

It had been just about a week since everything had happened and Bill hadn't left the hospital once. The nurses were happy to let him use their shower and Tom brought him clothes, but even so, he only left my room when I was asleep, because he was always there when I was awake.

He always seemed tired and I figured that he must not sleep much. I suspected that even though I had forgiven him a million times, he still felt guilty about what had happened.

It was around noon and Bill was sound asleep. He had drifted off minutes before I let him know I was awake.
I didn't want him to wake up just yet, he looked so much less troubled when he slept, and I liked to see him that way.

''I'm back!'' Eden sang as she entered my room, startling Bill awake and I rolled my eyes.

''Smooth E.'' I said and she mouthed a quick 'sorry'.

''Are you ok? What time is it?'' Bill asked as he sat up.

''I'm fine and it's-'' I was interrupted by Bill's stomach grumbling rather loudly.

''Lunch time.'' I finished and he smiled. He looked to Eden, she had been bringing him food when I was awake and he refused to leave.

''Don't look at me, you need to get out of this room.'' she said and she was right.

Bill needed to get out of here for a bit. The look on his face said that he knew she was right, but he still looked reluctant.

''I can't leave her alone.'' he said,

''I'll be fine, you guys go out and eat.'' I said, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

''But-'' he started.

''It's ok, I just ate. I'll stay.'' Tom said and we all looked at him as if he had just sprouted a third eye.

''Seriously?'' Eden asked. Tom didn't particularly like hospitals.

''Yea, you guys go.'' he said and Bill looked reluctantly from me to the door.

''I'll be fine.'' I repeated and he sighed.

''I guess…'' he trailed off but that was enough for Eden.

''Great! We'll be back soon!'' she said, grabbing Bill and dragging him from the room.

''I love you.'' he called as Eden pulled him.

''I love you too.'' I replied and he smiled. Hopefully when the got some fresh air, he wouldn't feel so bad about leaving me.

Georg went with Bill and Eden for lunch and Gustav was at the airport to see Natasha off - the boys were supposed to leave a few days ago, but after what had happened, they gave up a week of vacation to stay with me- so now, it was just Tom and me.

I had spent so much time with these boys and only now did I realize that I had almost never been alone with Tom, there was always someone there.

''So…'' I trailed off, not exactly sure how to strike up a conversation.

''Not that they're gone we can party.'' Tom said and I laughed.

He moved to the chair that Bill had stations beside my bed. He put his elbows on the bed and his chin on his hands.

''So Mandy, what's it like to get stabbed?'' he asked, looking rather like a four year old asking his mom where babies came from. He was the only one out of my five friends who seemed to be able to talk about what had happened without wincing or otherwise showing any discomfort.

''Painful.'' I said and he smirked.

''Should have seen that one coming.'' he said.

''You know Tom, for how cool you are, you're such a dork sometimes.'' I said and he grinned.

''Hasn't Bill told you before? I'm just a big teddy bear underneath it all.'' he said, moving one hand from under his chin to fiddle with his hat.

''With spikes.'' I added and he chuckled but then his face was serious.

''But really, seeing you like that at Alex's, barely hanging on like that, it was like seeing my sister dying, it was horrible.'' he said, a sudden sad note to his voice.

''Maybe you don't have spikes after all.'' I said, putting one hand gently on the side of his face and brushing his cheek lightly with my thumb.

''You'll always be like the sister I never got.'' he said, an honest smile –almost exactly like Bill's- spreading across his lips.

''And you'll always be the brother I never wanted.'' I said and he smirked. As I looked into his eyes now, I couldn't help but see how exactly the same, yet completely different they were from Bill's.

''I love you Mandy, always have, always will.'' he said, standing up and kissing my forehead.

''I love you too Tom.'' I said. Tom would always be like a brother to me, and I got the feeling he would be there for me no matter what.