Until You Feel It

*~Bill's Point of View~*

After I had gotten back from lunch yesterday, I had run into Doctor Collins in the hallway. When he told me the good news I was excited. Mandy would get to go home in a matter of days.

It was around nine the next night and Mandy was already asleep. The rest of us seemed to be almost wide-awake as we watched the movie that had started to play on TV.

Eden was sitting opposite me on the other side of Mandy. She was looking at her silently and I could swear that I saw the faint shimmer of tears building in her eyes.

''Eden? Are you ok?'' I asked and she quickly brushed something off of her cheek.

''Fine.'' she said.

''Then why are you crying?'' I asked quietly, clearly she didn't want everyone to know she was.

''I just can't help but feel like everything's going to be different now.'' she said.

''What do you mean?'' I asked, still being quiet.

''I know it might sound dumb, but what if Mandy's different after all of this? I mean she'll still be my best friend, but what if she's a different person? Some people who go through stuff like this are different after, more careful about everything you know? I just don't want to loose my fun loving, risk taking Mandy over this.'' Eden said, reaching up and twirling the ends of Mandy's hair between her fingers.

''Some people change, but I don't think Mandy's one of them. You've seen how she is already, throwing things at Tom from across the room, threatening that one nurse who 'accidentally' leaned a little too far and landed in my lap.'' I saw Eden smirk at the memory.

''Mandy's still going to be Mandy. That's one thing I'm sure of.'' I said and Eden smiled thankfully at me.

''You're right, I guess I'm just paranoid is all.'' she said.

All of a sudden, Mandy started to move a bit. Her eyes were closed, but her face was scrunched up into a look of discontentment. She moved a bit more and then whimpered a bit before going completely still again, her face wiped of any emotion but peace.

''What was that?'' Eden asked, looking almost scared.

''She was probably dreaming.'' I told her, running one hand lightly through Mandy's hair.

''I know that, but about what?'' Eden asked, sounding concerned.

''I have an idea.'' I muttered.

''Me too.''

''Do you think she'll dream about it a lot?'' she asked warily.

''I don't know, she's been strong this far, maybe she wont.'' I hoped she wouldn't. It hurt me enough to think of what happened that night. I could only imagine what reliving it through a dream was like.

''She doesn't seem so strong right now.'' Eden said, and I had to admit that she was right, Mandy looked rather helpless.

''Don't say that too loud, she'll jump out of bed and kick your butt.'' I said and Eden smiled.

It was silent for a minute, save for the sounds coming from the TV, as Eden and I watched the slow rise and fall of Mandy's chest.

''You guys are going back after this aren't you?'' Eden asked, suddenly looking at me.

As much as I hated to say it, we were going back soon. Five days to be exact. We all needed a vacation, and then there was music to write, and Vince had said something about a European tour.

''Yea.'' I said, breaking away from Eden's suddenly intense eyes.

''What are you going to do?'' she asked and I knew that she meant without Mandy.

''I don't know.'' I said, my voice falling to a whisper.

''She said that she would come…eventually,'' I continued.

''But in the mean time, I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen. Even being away from her for a few hours drives me nuts. I can only imagine what being on the opposite side of the globe would do.'' I said, more thinking out loud than answering her question.

''It'll work out Bill, I promise.'' Eden said, her tone was certain and very reassuring.

For that time, I felt totally sure of everything. Sure, without Mandy I was going to be incomplete, but she would come eventually, and we'd be whole again. Mandy was going to be ok, and I wasn't going to loose her.

And then nature called, and that's one thing you can't ignore. I excused myself to the bathroom attached to Mandy's room.

As I washed my hands I could hear Mandy moaning in the other room. I quickly dried my hands and raced back out of the bathroom, taking my place at the side of Mandy's bed.

Mandy's face was scrunched up again in pain. She was dreaming. I let out an inaudible sigh of relief. She jerked quickly to one side and I knew that couldn't possibly be good for her recovery.

''Eden, don't let her move.'' I said as I tried to hold her still without hurting her.

''I'm trying!'' she said. By this point, Tom, Gustav, and Georg were heading towards Mandy's bed.

''Not Bill.'' she cried, suddenly very clear. I blushed slightly, she was trying to save me. Her heart monitor was beeping like crazy, this couldn't have been good for her.

''We have to wake her up.'' I decided when she wouldn't stop moving.

''Mandy? Mandy?'' I said shaking her gently.

All of a sudden she went stiff and completely stopped moving. The room seemed to freeze as the beeping stopped. I pulled my horrified eyes away from Mandy's motionless form to look at the heart monitor. The jagged little lines had disappeared, turning into one straight line that was accompanied by a solid noise.

Mandy was flat lining.