Until You Feel It

Music pulsed through the floor, the walls, and what felt like the bench in our booth.

We were at a club for the official farewell party for Tokio Hotel. We'd been here for a while and I was sitting in a booth that seemed more like a curvy couch with a table in the middle, with Bill and Gustav.

Tom and Eden had gone off to the dance floor and Georg had vanished. Leah was here as well, Vince had though to invite her, and she was already pretty tipsy. She was out on the dance floor with a short brunette and some guy.

''I don't see why neither of you will dance. Bill's always bounding around the stage and wiggling doesn't exactly seem hard.'' Gustav said after Bill and I had refused to dance for the third time.

''I hardly think that what I do on stage is suitable for a club.'' Bill said, rolling his eyes.

''Yea, you'd put someone in the hospital!'' I laughed. Bill shrugged in agreement as Gustav laughed.

''I still think you two should get out there.'' Gustav said and the huffed as Bill and I shook our heads in unison.

I glanced out to the dance floor where Eden was earning dirty looks from almost every girl in the club as she and Tom danced.

One girl seemed to be taking matters into her own hands as she started to get closer and closer to Tom. She brushed against Eden and Eden ignored it at first, but as the girl slowly tried to work her way into Eden's spot, Eden not-so subtly hip checked her, sending the girl a good distance away from Tom.

The girl glared at Eden, but just before Eden could throw herself into boyfriend defense mode, Tom distracted her by overtaking her lips with his and inching her back towards out booth.

''Damn, I was almost looking forward to a full out Tom-Kaulitz-caused smack down in the middle of the dance floor.'' I said and Bill and Gustav chuckled.

Unconsciously I pulled myself closer to Bill and he quickly kissed my cheek.

Everything that had happened in the last little while made me feel closer to Bill than I had ever imagined and knowing that he was leaving tomorrow was slowly breaking my heart.

Bill was still refusing to sleep with me, I had asked him again this morning. He was convinced that by doing so he was going to hurt me. I loved how he cared enough about me to deny himself –and unfortunately me- sex because he didn't want to cause me any distress, but by saying no, he was causing me more grief than he knew.

To top it all off, he seemed to be oblivious to the fact that after he left, I would be completely alone, save for Eden.

''Alone.'' the word sounded evil even as I thought it.

In a sudden burst of passion brought on by my thoughts of my lonely, Bill-less future, I turned Bill's face towards me and kissed him with everything I had.

When we finally broke apart, we were both a little out of breath and Gustav was looking the other way.

''Sorry.'' I apologized with a smirk.

''It's ok, I just wish Natasha was here so I could do the same.'' he replied, his smirk matching my own.

''Speaking of people who aren't here, has anyone seen Georg?'' Bill asked, scanning the dance floor.

Tom and Eden suddenly came back to the table and flopped down, pushing Bill and I further into the booth.

''What're we talking about?'' Eden asked, a little out of breath.

''We can't find Georg.'' Gustav told them and they automatically started to scan the club.

''Maybe he couldn't get any girls so he went home.'' Tom said with a teasing grin.

''Oh he got some girls alright.'' Eden said, staring wide-eyed at a wall not too far away from us.

Leaning against the wall was Georg, flanked by two girls taking turns kissing him passionately, one of whom was Leah.

''No way!'' Tom said incredulously, shaking his head a bit. He had been trying to make Leah straight for ages.

''Ha!'' I snorted and then started to laugh.

The tall blonde kissing Georg when Leah wasn't, slipped something in his pocket, whispered in his ear, and then stumbled slightly as she made her way to the bathroom. Leah didn't seem to mind that the other girls had left as she continued to play tonsil hockey with Georg. There was no doubt in my mind that Leah had had one too many, but Georg didn't seem to care.

After Leah had pinned Georg to the wall rather aggressively, we all turned back to the table and the boys went to get drinks.

''What's this?'' I asked, swirling the contents of the glass Bill had placed in front of me suspiciously.

''Rum and coke, with ice.'' he said and I smirked.

We carried on idle conversation until Georg strutted back to the table and sat down next to Gustav.

''Ooh!'' Eden and I chimed and his already proud smirk grew.

''You know she's just drunk right?'' Tom asked rather bitterly.

''You know you're just jealous right?'' Georg retorted.

''So?'' Tom said and everyone –except him- laughed.

''Ok, ok, I'm going to toast.'' Eden said, picking up her glass and we followed suit.

''These last few months, excluding the past week or so, have been the absolute highpoint of my life. Never in my life would I have imagined that Mandy and I would go from being two of Tokio Hotel's fans screaming front row at one of your concerts, to two of Tokio Hotel's best friend screaming…elsewhere.'' Eden said with a smirk and we all laughed.

''All in all, you guys mean the world to us and we most definitely wouldn't have wanted to spend the last few months any other way.'' I finished for her.

''Cheers!'' Tom said and we all drank.

*~Later~*

''I'm-going-to-miss-you-so-much.'' I said, kissing Bill between every word.

It was around three am, the party was over and we were back in my hotel room, cuddled together on my bed.

''What am I ever going to do without you?'' Bill asked, running a hand through my hair.

''Not this,'' I said and pecked him lightly on the lips.

''Or this.'' I added, this time leading him into a seductive kiss.

He pulled me tighter against him and I impulsively wrapped one leg around him. He trailed one hand off my back and down across my butt to rest on the back of my thigh.

I quickly relieved him of his shirt and then deepened the kiss. He moved so that he was almost on top of me and I brought my other leg up, locking them both around him.

I was testing just how far Bill would let this go tonight as I guided his hands to the bottom of my shirt.

Tomorrow Bill would be gone, this was our last night together. Just the though of not having him in my bed anymore broke another piece of my heart off.

He pulled my shirt off and I kissed him with a newly ignited passion. I tightened my legs around him, pulling him closer to me. Passion practically burned from my skin in every place that it touched his and all the muscles in the pit of my stomach were tighter than a sailors knot.

I traced down his stomach to his belt buckle. I undid it and pulled his belt out of the loops on his pants wit ha skill that I didn't know I possessed.

I actually got the button on his pants undone before I felt him tense up.

The second I felt him hesitate, I threw my head back and let out a frustrated sigh. I unclasped my legs from around him and he sat up.

''Mandy,'' he said, remorse filling his eyes.

''Don't 'Mandy' me. Why not Bill?'' I asked, unintentional venom in my voice.

''You know why not, I don't want you to get hurt.'' he said, gently caressing my face and all of my frustration melted into sadness.

''Bill you wont I promise.'' I said, sitting up and putting one hand on either of his thighs.

''That's what you think, but-'' he started.

''But nothing, you're leaving me tomorrow.'' I said, staring into his eyes.

''I wish you wouldn't say it like that.''

''And I wish you'd do me.'' I said, not able to help the slight smirk that crossed my lips.

''What if you blew your stitches?'' he asked.

''Then I'll go to the doctor.'' I told him and he looked away, his eyebrows furrowed.

''But-'' he started but I put one hand on either side of his face and turned his face so that he would meet my gaze.

''Bill, the doctor will be there tomorrow, you wont.'' I said, staring deeply into his eyes. the look that appeared on his face told me that I'd finally gotten over his wall.

After a quick second of what looked to be indecision, he let out a short breath, sounding frustrated that I had won, and then kissed me with a fire that I'd never felt before. My fingers knotted in his hair as we fell back onto the bed.

''I love you.'' he murmured against my lips.

''For ever and ever.'' I replied.