Until You Feel It

''To me you'll be forever sacred.''

''What a way to be woken up.'' I said sleepily, tightening my hold on the body underneath me.

Bill sighed as he wrapped his arms tightly around me. We were both silent, both of us knew that this was our last morning together and instead of fearing it, we embraced it.

Last night had been amazing, after I got Bill to cave that is. Nothing had gone wrong, and this morning I felt fine, better than fine, I was satisfied. The only downside to this morning was that it was going to end all too quickly.

The boys had a plane to catch at three and it was ten-thirty now.

The alarm we set the night before so that we would be up on time started to go off and I looked at it like it was the devil come to steal my soul. Bill reached over and turned it off, letting out another sigh.

Reluctantly, I slid towards the edge of the bed and sat up, holding the blanket up to cover the front of my still naked body. I felt Bill move behind me and then he ran his fingers lightly down my spine, raising slight goose bumps on my back.

I leaned over and grabbed his boxers from the floor. I put them on and got up of the bed, walking towards where his shirt was lying on the floor.

''Who said you could wear those?'' Bill asked as I pulled his shirt over my head.

''I did.'' I said sweetly as I dropped back down beside him on the bed.

Bill pulled me towards him by my waist and I cuddled against him. I looked at his face, trying to remember every detail.

I lifted my hand to his face and gently traced his jawbone down to his lips. They were one thing that I refused to forget. I traced over his lips, the bottom one slightly fuller than the top, and then up over his cheek and across his nose.

''What are you doing?'' he asked as I went back to tracing his lips.

''Remembering you.'' I said, my voice almost pained.

There was a swirl of emotions in his eyes and then he pushed his lips against mine in a passionate kiss.

I enjoyed myself for a minute, but then remembered that if I let this go on too long, reality's slap in the face later would hurt that much more.

''Bill.'' I said, pulling away from him.

''I know.'' he said, the most predominant emotion in his eyes sadness.

''Let's go get something to eat, maybe Eden made breakfast.'' I said, getting up and looking for my underwear.

When we had deemed ourselves presentable, we went out into the kitchen and Eden was nowhere to be found.

''Where are they? They should be up by now.'' I stated as I walked towards Eden's door.

''E?'' I called, knocking on her door. When I got no answer, I put my hand on the knob.

''Are you sure you should do that? Tom's in there.'' Bill said, stopping me from opening the door.

''Well let's hope he's covered, they have to get up!'' I said and then threw the door open.

I was ready to cover my eyes and bolt from the room, but that was not needed. Instead, I laughed at the scene before me. The pillows from Eden's bed were strewn about the room, the duvet cover she had was bunched up on the floor at the end of her bed. The only thing keeping her and Tom covered was a single green sheet that was wrapped tightly around both of them, holding them together.

''It smells like sex in here.'' I said and Bill laughed but the noise didn't rouse them in the slightest.

I went over to the bed and laid down next to Eden. I blew on her face and she scrunched up her nose a bit. I blew again and this time she reached up to brush her face off.

''Good morning sunshine.'' I said and her eyes flew open.

''AH!'' she screamed, snatching up most of the sheet in an attempt to cover herself.

''Hey!'' Tom exclaimed, grabbing the sheet back to make sure that he was covered.

I rolled off the bed, laughing so hard my sides hurt, and Eden glared at me.

''Is there a particular reason you're in here?'' she asked, folding her arms.

''We're hungry.'' I said, batting my eyelashes and Eden glanced quickly at Bill who was standing in the doorway.

''And?'' she said.

''And you need to get up!'' I said, reaching over and slapping Tom's shoulder because he had closed his eyes again.

''I would get up, but you two are here, and I don't think you or my brother want to see the goods.'' Tom said and I started to laugh.

''The goods?'' I laughed and he rolled his eyes.

''It means leave!'' Eden said, pushing my off her bed.

''Fine, fine, we're going.'' I said, joining Bill at the door.

''But we still need breakfast!'' I said and then quickly closed the door in time to hear a pillow thump against the other side.

''We don't want to see the goods.'' Bill said, copying Tom perfectly and I laughed.

Bill wrapped one arm around me, pulled me towards him, and then kissed my forehead before walking towards the bathroom.

''Where are you going?'' I asked as he stopped and grabbed a towel out of the hall closet.

''In the shower.'' he replied and continued to the bathroom.

''Oh.'' I said.

He'd left me standing outside of Eden's bedroom and I wasn't sure what to do. He was leaving today and I wanted to spend every minute I could with him, but both of us needed to shower –largely due to last night- and that's when the idea hit me.

I grabbed a towel of my own and then skipped to the bathroom. The door was already closed and locked, but the lock was easy enough to pick if you had a coin. I grabbed a quarter off of the shelf –designated especially for picking this lock- and flicked it open. I replaced the quarter on the shelf and opened the door, just wide enough for me to fit.

I stepped inside and relocked the door, and then a half naked Bill turned and looked at me like a dear in a pair of headlights. His look went from surprise to curiosity when he realized it was me.

''What are you doing?'' he asked, one hand on the top of his boxers. He must have been about to take them off.

''Showering.'' I said, dropping my shorts to the floor.

''With me?'' he asked, one eyebrow slightly raised.

''Any objections?'' I asked, pulling my shirt off and letting it drop to where my shorts were.

''Nope.'' he said, staring at my now half naked body. I hadn't bothered to put a bra on when we got out of bed and I –like him- was just down to my underwear.

I smirked and then went to turn on the water. As I bent over and fiddled with the taps, trying to find a good water temperature, I felt Bill run his hands lightly down my back to my hips where he rested them.

I pulled my hair out of the bun it was in as I stood up and then placed my hands on top of bills. Still with my back to him, I slid my hands off of his and removed my underwear. They fell around my ankles and I turned back to Bill, pushing them aside. I ran one finger down his jaw line and then stepped into the shower.

As I stood under the water, letting it beat down on my chest, I suddenly felt a pair of lips on my neck and I smiled. His hands slid around my waist, moving easily over my wet skin, and slowly trailed down to the front of my hipbones.

I turned around and put my hands on Bill's chest and then leaned towards him, so close that I could feel his breath on my lips. I kissed him so lightly that either of us barely felt it, but then held him back as he tried to kiss me again.

''Are you going to forget me when you go on your next tour and move on to the next girl you're dared to kiss?'' I asked playfully, but wanting to know the answer all the same.

''I couldn't forget you if I tried.'' he replied, staring meaningfully into my eyes.

He then pressed his lips gently yet firmly against mine. I kissed him back eagerly as he turned and slowly pushed me against the wall.

My body took over as I wrapped my legs around his waist and deepened the kiss. The feeling of his wet body on mine and the way his hands slid so easily over my skin made my head spin.

My legs tightened of their own will, pulling Bill closer to me.

The muscles in the pit of my stomach tightened and it was decided.

We were both getting out of this shower feeling more than clean.

''Well, well, look who decided to get out of bed.'' I said as I came out of the bathroom, my hand in Bill's, both of us in towels.

''Look who decided to come out of the shower.'' Tom retorted from the kitchen with a smirk and I stuck my tongue out at him.

When Bill and I came out of my bedroom, both of us dressed, Eden had food on the table. We sat down opposite her and Tom and carried on an idle conversation as we ate.

''Yea, but a little plane like yours couldn't survive a huge storm like th-at.'' Eden said, her voice breaking on the last word.

At first her eyes were wide, but then she glared at Tom. He simply smirked his proud smirk and then went back to the conversation, one of his hands visible, the other hidden under the table.

''One time we threw chocolate at him and it melted all down his b-ack.'' Tom said, his voice breaking, and this time it was Eden who smirked.

The dishes were cleared from the table and the four of us were just waiting now, waiting for the tiny heartbreak that would be the arrival of the car to take us to the airport. The arrival of the car would be heart wrenching because it meant that the boys' departure was that much closer.

When there was a knock at the door, the four of us looked at it like it was the devil coming to take our first-born children.

''I'm here to take you to the airport.'' the driver said when Eden opened the door.

''We know.'' Eden said sadly and I squeezed her hand comfortingly. Her and Tom's separation was going to be just as bad as mine and Bill's.

The boys grabbed the bags they had packed to take on the plane and we left the apartment.

When we got in the car, Georg and Gustav were already there. They smiled at us and we returned it weakly.

I sat next to Bill and he put one arm around me. We'd been in cars like this plenty of times, but this time was different. This time was the last time.

The ride to the airport was so quiet it was almost unbearable, but none of us dared to break the silence.

I stared out the window at the passing cars and buildings. I'd always thought it looked like someone had put everything outside of the car in fast forward.

At that moment, looking back on everything, the past few months of my life, it seemed the same as the passing cars, like everything was fast forwarded to this point and even though I had spent months with Tokio Hotel, it felt like minutes.

I pulled my gaze away from the window to Bill's face.

I was going to miss him so much. My life would never be the same. When he left, he would be taking a part of me with him. Bill Kaulitz would forever have my heart; I loved him with every fiber of my being.

Like everything outside of the window, I couldn't focus on one point of my time with Bill, everything seemed to blur together. I was sure that after he was gone, I could think back to the perfect moments that we'd shared, but for right now, everything was just a happy blur.

I was still looking at Bill and he turned towards me. I stared into his eyes and he returned my gaze. Neither of us said anything, nothing needed to be said. I put one hand on the side of his face and gently stroked his cheek with my thumb.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that we'd arrived at the airport. I couldn't help it, my eyes immediately started to tear up.

I closed my eyes, trying to fight them back, and turned my head away. Everyone got out of the car and I took a steadying breath before I followed.

Because the boys were VIP, we were allowed to pull right onto the tarmac where the plane was parked.

''Here we are.'' Georg said as we all stood at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the plane.

Bill squeezed my hand comfortingly as I stared up at the plane and I smiled weakly at him.

I turned to the other three boys who were waiting to say goodbye. I took a breath, hoping that my voice would get me through the first of my goodbyes.

''Well boys, I don't want to say it, and you don't want to hear it.'' I said, my voice betraying me as the tears I was yet to shed rang through my words.

Gustav, who was looking very upset at this point, stepped forward and engulfed me in a bone-crushing hug. As I hugged him back I felt him take a shaky breath and I couldn't help but crack the smallest of smiles.

When he released me, he moved on to Eden and Georg grabbed me. He pulled his arms tightly around me and I buried my face in his chest. Georg had become one of my best friends, they all had, and now they were going. I wasn't going to cry though, not yet.

''I'll miss you.'' Georg whispered into my hair.

''Me too.'' I replied as he let me go.

Georg moved towards Eden and left Tom standing in front of me. His hands were in his pockets and he was looking very intently at the toe of his shoe. He looked up at me and the sadness in his eyes matched Bill's exactly. He'd never seemed so vulnerable.

Tom and I were definitely close, like brother and sister, although we were never very lovey-dovey about it.

All the same, I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his middle. Not surprising me in the least, he put his arms around me and squeezed me tightly against him.

''You'll always be the sister I never got.'' he said, leaning back so that he could look into my eyes.

''And you'll always be the brother I never wanted.'' I said and we both smiled.

''I'll miss you.'' Tom said, his smile faltering and then disappearing as sadness overtook his face again.

''You too.'' I said.

I started to move away, but Tom didn't let me go.

''What?'' I asked.

He puckered his lips exaggeratedly and then tapped them with his index finger. I laughed a little a pecked him quickly on the lips. He smirked and then winked at me as he let go of my hand. I was glad that I could leave at least one of these boys on a positive note, not a sad one.

As I turned to Bill though, the tiny bit of happiness that I'd had disappeared.

I could practically feel my heart ripping in half as Bill stepped towards me. He kissed my lips softly, placing one hand on my cheek as he did. I put both of my hands on either side of his face and held his lips tight to mine. I was in no way ready to let him go.

When he pulled away –which felt all too soon- I couldn't hold the tears back any longer and they began to stream steadily down my cheeks.

''Please don't cry.'' he said, trying to look into my eyes as I looked anywhere but into his.

''Why not? You're leaving, I have every right to cry.'' I said, still looking down.

He put his free hand on my other cheek and made me look into his eyes. At that moment, they were so full of love; it almost completely covered the sadness.

''Because I don't want the last face I see you make to be a sad one.'' he said and the tears started to flow faster down my cheeks as a tiny sob escaped me.

I threw myself into him and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist as I embraced Bill for the last time.

''I'll always love you.'' he said into my hair and then kissed the top of my head.

''Forever and ever.'' I said, surprising myself when a smile crossed my lips.

''There it is.'' Bill said with a smile of his own, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

The other three boys started to move towards the plane and Bill stepped back from me reluctantly.

He stood two feet away from me, looking like he was debating whether or not to get on the plane. Suddenly an impulse took over and I closed the gap between Bill and me in two steps.

I pressed my lips tightly against his and deepened the kiss immediately. I pulled away and we were both a little breathless.

''Don't you dare forget me.'' I said and the corners of his mouth twitched ever so slightly.

''Never.'' he said.

Bill looked at me a moment longer and then let go of my hand as he headed for the plane. Eden was suddenly at my side, her arms wrapped around me. I squeezed her tightly and then allowed the security guard to escort us to where we could watch the plane take off.

''What are we going to do?'' Eden asked as the plane rolled down the runway towards where we were.

''We'll survive.'' I said. As much as it hurt to let them go, I knew this wasn't the last time we'd see Tokio Hotel.

Eden held my hand as the plane got closer. As it passed I could see Bill's face in the window, his perfect, love filled face.

As the wheels left the ground and the plane took off, my heart ripped apart in one swift movement. When Bill's face disappeared into the clouds, there was only one thought that crossed my mind.

''There goes my everything.''