Pivotal Moments

Sometimes it came in hard, washing over me like a tsunami and I hated it with a passion. It was a crawling oily feeling that left me feeling weak and helpless in my dreams. It had started right after we had been notified of Dad’s death ten years ago. Other times it began with a dull throb between my shoulder blades like someone was behind me, staring at me. This morning it was the scary stalkery feeling. Desperate to escape the sensation, I began to claw my way back into consciousness. It took a lot of effort this morning.

Waking up with a jerk, I groaned and stretched, breathing deeply in an attempt to calm my racing heart. I’d often wondered if this was what an anxiety attack felt like; the pounding heart, breathlessness and a cold sweat. I’d heard they were horrible and sometimes would require a trip to emergency room. It would take an actual trip to the ER to get out of this damn excursion into Hell, better known as Lake Wimico. I was so not ready to face the day.

It had taken hours to fall asleep the night before. All I could do was toss and turn, agonizing over every word and every little gesture that had been exchanged between me and Teagan. It felt like everything I had said and done was cause for embarrassment and I groaned again. I pulled the covers back up over my head; I couldn’t do this. Good God, how was I ever going to face him today?

I was rolling over to bury my head under the pillow in further embarrassment when I heard a sound. I froze; it had come from inside my room. Barely breathing, I strained with everything in me to hear it again and possibly identify it. My heart skipped a beat and then picked up going double-time. I heard it again.

It was the sound of someone breathing.

I lay under the covers, paralyzed by fear. The worst part was that now who or whatever it was knew I was awake. I had just been rolling all over my bed! I really had only one choice and that was to get the hell out of my room. I debated my options when I suddenly felt the bed dip slightly as if someone were leaning on it. No sooner had the thought crossed my mind, that I heard a barely audible chuckle. My muscles tensed in fear and I considered various options and discard them just as quickly. I had to get out of this room! I needed to make sure my mom was OK. As all of these thoughts raced through my mind, I felt the bed dip down even more. I could feel the heat of someone as the figure leaned closer to me and in a low hoarse whisper I heard, “Aislinn..?”

That’s it! All bets are off! I let out a blood curdling scream, threw myself to the side of the bed and executed a combat roll dismount onto the floor. Breathing hard the whole time, I scrambled to my feet in a panic and flew to the door where I seemed to have forgotten how a door knob works. I clawed frantically at the door until muscle memory finally kicked in and the knob turned.

I sprinted out the door, stubbing my pinky toe in the process and headed for the stairs, stumbling in pain. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I once again left my mother behind. I’ll deal with my guilt later. I was just about to launch myself down the stairs to make my escape when a persistent sound finally broke through my panic; someone was laughing! I paused; foot poised to take the first step and listened. Yes, that was most definitely someone laughing. At me. What the…?

I turned and put my foot down, wincing. I did a hobbling tiptoe back to my bedroom only to jump and shriek again when the door was flung open. I immediately stopped screaming and narrowed my eyes at the person standing on the other side, giggling like a loon.

“You’re such a bitch!” I shoved my best friend, Penny, out of my way and ignored the pain as I stomped back to my bed. She pivoted and followed me, grinning the whole time.

“That was fucking awesome!” She wiped away the tears from where she had been laughing and gave a quick sniffle. “Oh my God! Ash! I haven’t got you like that in years.”

I glared at her. “So glad I could be of amusement for you.” My level of sarcasm was immeasurable. I looked at the clock and narrowed my eyes. “What the hell, Pen! It’s not even 7:00 yet!” I grumbled at her shrug.

“Yeesh, I know. Thought I’d shake it up a bit.” She gestured to my nightstand. “I know you’d set that thing for sure. Had to change my M.O. around.” My irritation amped up to border anger when she winked at me. Like she expected a laugh. It just added insult to injury. I growled in displeasure. She just shrugged again, clearly not respecting my current levels of annoyance. My jaw cracked with a sudden unexpected yawn and I remembered why she wasn’t worried about me kicking her butt; it was before 7:30 and therefore too early to really care.

With that thought, I slouch limped the two steps to my bed, pulled back my blankets, flopped into the cushy softness and snuggled into place. I was getting my extra hour. I was nice and comfortable when my covers were snatched away cruelly. I jerked my head up and saw Penny standing at the front of the bed, a look of triumph on her face.

“What the hell is your issue today?” I asked. Well, actually whined. I was tired and cranky.

Penny smirked, “You wanted me, you got me.” She turned slightly and pointed to the two bags that were sitting next to my desk. “We have work to do. Get up!”

Someone pounding on the door redirected my exasperation to a new source. “Yeah?” I grouched.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Mom demanded as she opened the door. Her face was scrunched with irritation and the fog of sleep. She focused on Penny and sighed, shaking her head. “Never mind. I don’t need an explanation. Just keep the volume down”

Penny gave a cheery grin and waved at my mom. “Morning, Mrs. M!”

Mom just waved her off and shut the door, mumbling something about dramatic teenagers.

I groaned. “How in the hell did you even get in here without waking up the whole house?” I was going to kill whoever it was that let her in.

“I called your mom last night. She left a key for me.” Penny said in blasé tone.

That was it. Connor and I were about to become orphans. The woman must die. She is evil. Penny walked over and smacked my foot. Luckily, it was the non-harmed one. “Up! Out! Out of bed!” I scowled. She could be a bossy little brat when she had her mind set on something.

I sighed. “What am I doing?”

“You’re gonna get up and take a shower. You’re gonna scrub yourself, shave and moisturize. Then you’re gonna come out here and you’re going to put on the swimsuit I brought for you.” She paused, pointed at me and then smirked before continuing, “After that, we’re going to go to the lake and knock your Teagan out in way he won’t know what hit him.”

“It doesn’t matter.” I muttered.

Penny narrowed her eyes, “What? Why?”

I sighed. “Because I’ve been little sister zoned!”

Penny cocked an eyebrow. “Excuse me? Come again.”

“It’s obvious!” I said with a huff, throwing a hand in the air. “Connor has no problem with me being around him. And you know how he is.” Penny nodded.

“Not only that, but Teagan helped the dumbass talk me out of my room when I locked myself in before dinner and he made sure to tell me about his two younger sisters…” I trailed off, sighing heavily. “His tone and implications were clear. Besides, why would he be interested in me? He doesn’t need my help with his homework and I’m just a nerd with nothing else to offer!” I was on the verge of tears, sniffling loudly. This whole having my hopes build up only to get them torn to pieces was getting old, quick.

Penny stared at me, jaw hanging open in shock. She was silent for several moments before shaking her head and opening her mouth, closing it and taking a deep breath. I know what this one meant. I was about to get the Penelope Anne Sutters Lecture. Probably #4: Aislinn needs to get some friggin’ self-esteem. She surprised me, though. Letting out a soft exhale, she walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. Reaching out a hand, she gently tucked a few stray pieces of hair behind my ear and then leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me. Pen gave the best hugs; after my Mom and Dad. She sat back and grabbed one of my hands, giving it a squeeze.

“Why did you ever let her get to you?”

My eyebrows drew together as I looked at her in confusion, “Huh? Who?”

“That bitch, Tracey.” She stated flatly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I retorted, stiffening. She’d hit a little too close to home with that question. I had never told anyone how much some of Tracey’s words hurt me; words that were designed to hit deep and leave scars.

Penny snorted and frowned. “I know that’s a damn lie, Ash. You were never this insecure until last year when you started tutoring Brody in Civics.” She paused, thinking. “Yeah! It was right after you started working with him! I don’t think that’s coincidence. That’s about the time she started screwing with you.” I shrugged. I didn’t care why Tracey hated me to the extent she was determined to destroy me. I only cared about the fact that she did. There was no reason that I could see; I had never done anything to her as far as I knew.

Penny got up and paced across her room. “I bet you anything that Brody either hinted or outright said something about liking you. He had a thing for you in 9th grade.” At that I rolled my eyes. I loved this girl to death, but she was a hopeless romantic at heart. There was nothing about me that could possibly threaten Tracey. There was no way I could compete with her, really. I said as much to Penny.

She stopped pacing and stared at me. “Ash, how tall am I?”

I looked at her. “You said you’re 5’6”.”

She nodded. “You’re always saying how pretty you think I am. Do you know what size I am?” I shook my head. “I’m a 14.”

I choked. “Bullshit!” There was no way. I continued to shake my head as she nodded. “Penny, I’m a size 14! I look nothing like you!” I countered. “I’m overweight and I look like it.”

The redhead groaned. “Girl you’re a friggin’ knock out! You’re thick not fat. Marilyn Monroe type curves; the kind bitches like Tracey would die for and boys like Brody and Teagan want. Males with any sense want meat, Ash, not bones like Miss Bitch has. Hell, I think part of the reason she’s so bitchy is because she’s starving.”” She gestured to the mirror. “Look at yourself and tell me what you see.”

With strong reservations, I got up and walked over to my mirror and looked at my reflection. I was 5’3” and a size 14. According to Penny, that made me thick, not overweight. Thick sounded suspiciously like fat to me. My gaze drifted over what I thought were huge thighs and wide hips. My breasts were decent I guess. I filled out a swimsuit top, I knew. I had pale skin, hazel eyes that hinted at green and brown hair. I relayed all of this to Penny who smirked.

“You are beautiful! You have been since Freshman year. You have that gorgeous fair Irish skin, deep auburn brown hair and the most freaking awesome green-hazel eyes. And, you are not fat! I’ve told you so many times before; the correct term is 'thick'. Not to mention you've got a chest on you that I would give my friggin' right arm to have! What you think is fat is because of jealous hoes tearin’ you down.” Penny smirked. “Ash, guys want someone they can grab hold of and not worry that they’re going to break a bone!”

I blinked at her. That’s what she really thought, not that I totally believed it, but it made me feel good about myself. I smiled at her and turned, giving her a hug. “That’s why you’re my best friend. You always make me feel better.”

Giving me a hard squeeze that caused a grunt, Penny laughed. “I’m only telling you the truth.” Letting me go, she pointed to the bathroom that I shared with the extra guest room. “Now go. Get ready! I’m going to leave the swimsuit and outfit here on the bed for you. I’ll be downstairs with your mom.”

I still needed to kill my mother I remembered. What was she thinking letting Penny into this house before 7, I’d never know. I grumbled all the way to the shower.

________________________________________

I don’t know how long I stood at the edge of my bed, staring at the two piece swimsuit laying on it. The panic was climbing up the back of my throat and trying to claw out of my chest. There was no way I was wearing that thing. It had a top that looked more like lingerie with a frilly ruffle along the band and the bottoms had a matching ruffle along the waist like the top. It was a deep cranberry red. I couldn’t lie to myself, it was quite pretty. It was the amount of skin that would be showing that was sending me into an anxiety attack. I normally swam in shorts and a t-shirt!

I took a deep breath and accepted that I wasn’t getting out of the house without this suit on. Outright refusing was on my mind, but as tempting as that sounded, I really didn’t want to deal with both Connor and Penny. One was bad enough. Both would be unbearable. I just might be able to get away with leaving my shirt on if I’m sneaky and pretend I’m cold. I picked up the scrap of fabric that was supposed to be a top and let out a sigh. Shrugging, I slipped off my robe and started getting dressed. At least, the jean shorts, orange top and black sandals were something I was comfortable in. I grabbed my bag, towel, sunscreen and sunglasses then left my room. I was still limping slightly from my stubbed toe and had stopped to glare at the offending door jamb when Teagan and Connor tromped up the stairs in shorts and sleeveless t-shirts, sweaty from their morning run.

My pride and attention never stood a chance. Teagan was a Greek god who graced Earth with his presence. That was the only explanation for my response. His hair stood up in messy spikes from where he had pushed it back while running. His shirt clung wetly to his chest and abs and Oh. My. God, his thighs were every bit as toned and muscular as I had imagined. I know I was blatantly obvious in my gawking, but as my eyes traveled back up his chest to his broad shoulders and rested on that tattoo again, I couldn’t make myself care. It was Connor clearing his throat that yanked me out of my trance.

“You done, Ash?” He smirked.

I blushed furiously. It was bad enough that I had gotten caught in my ogle-fest. Did he really have to call attention to it? I was about to respond to him, but Teagan beat me to it.

“Dude! What the hell, man?” He admonished. The look on his face made me do a double-take. He looked upset for me. “Leave her alone!”

I knew how Connor hated to be reprimanded. Certainly not in front of me much less by a friend. Therefore, I knew without even seeing it, what the look in his face was. It was time to get the hell out of Dodge. The hallway was about to become Ground Zero. I looked up and saw Connor giving Teagan a murderous glare while Teagan’s face looked like it had been carved from stone.

“Um…” I started easing by both of them. “I’m just going…” I blanched when Connor swung his gaze to me but warmed when Teagan gave me a quick wink. “I’ll be in the kitchen.” I jerked my thumb in the direction of the stairs and then hauled ass down to sanctuary of the kitchen.

________________________________________

Mom and Pen were talking when I rushed through the doorway. The conversation stopped of course but I’m too wigged out to care. I had a fleeting hope that Connor and Teagan might get into a fight and the trip would be called off. Nah, Connor would go regardless so I was still stuck.

“What’s going on up there Ash?” My Mom asked as she finished up a pan of eggs.

I shrugged, swallowing hard at the thought of eating eggs right now. Maybe toast and some juice…

“Aislinn Margaret, what is going on with you this morning?”

The sharp tone of her voice combined with the dangerous combination of both full names pulled me out of my zone out and I focused on her. “Sorry, Mom. Um... Connor was being a douche nozzle and Teagan called him out on it and…”

Mom rolled her eyes and went back to breakfast prep. “Well, if anyone can knock some sense into that boy it’ll be Teagan.” She handed Penny the platter of food and Pen headed for the table. A cold nose bumped my dangling hand and I looked down at Zver. He huffed and nudged me so I gave him a scratch behind his ear. A strange gurgling rumbled up and Zver gave a little whine.

“What’s wrong pooch? You hungry?” He rose up on all fours and pranced. It was hilarious. I asked, “Mom, do you know where Teagan put Zver’s food?”

“It’s in the fridge.”

I found a gallon sized zip-lock bag full of what looked like chili. Zver was written on the front in black marker. I opened it and sniffed. It smelled better than canned dog food. “Do you know how much of this he gets?”

“I think he gets half of that baggie. Teagan pulls a new one out of the freezer when he uses half of one.”

I turned from the fridge and let the door slap shut. Zver was doing that prancing dance again and I giggled. “Are you hungry, ZiZi?” I walked over to his dish and he froze, staring at it. What was that word Teagan used to tell Zver to sit? Oh yeah. “Zver, sidet.” He looked up at me with a quizzical expression and then sat. I felt a little thrill; I had gotten him to listen to me.

I bent down and dumped half of the bag of doggie chili into his bowl and stepped back. Zver’s eyes were still on me, but I could see he was trying to see his food at the same time. “Go ahead, Zver.” He shivered and seemed to pout but didn’t move. I crouched down and picked up his bowl, placing it just under his chin. “I thought you were hungry. Don’t you want to eat, ZiZi?” I was shamelessly using a baby voice at the monster dog, wondering why he wouldn’t eat. I heard a gasp and looked up from the dog and saw two odd things.

Connor’s eyes were as big as plates and he seemed to have tripped over nothing as he entered the kitchen and Teagan was staring at me with what looked like panic, his face pale. It was Teagan’s expression that seemed the more important of the two. I froze. It seemed like the thing to do.

I watched as he took a slow, cautious step towards me. “Aislinn… what do you think you’re doing?” I frowned, confused. Wasn’t it obvious?

“I’m feeding Zver.” I knew my tone conveyed the ‘duh’ factor at work here.

He took another step towards me, his eyes shifting to the bowl in my hand and the large dog that was currently eyeing it with intense concentration. “Aislinn, please. Slowly put the dog bowl down.” He clenched one hand into a fist, held out to me.

My brow furrowed in confusion, I did as he said. I watched as Zver’s eyes followed the movement and then looked back up to me. I could see that he was waiting for something and I reached back down to the bowl to move it closer.

“No!” Teagan all but yelled. I jumped in surprise and saw that Zver’s muscles tensed in response. “Please. Just leave the bowl alone, ok?” He was practically pleading with me. It was about this time that I started cluing into the fact that maybe there was something else going on here. I looked up and saw that there was something that looked very close to fear and a great deal of anxiety radiating from his eyes. I slowly pulled my hand back.

“Slowly stand up and step back, ok?” I nodded and did as he instructed. Zver continued to sit and stare at me. I looked back at Teagan.

“What does he want? Why won’t he eat?” I started around the dog and took a step toward where Teagan was now standing. I let out a squeak when he suddenly reached forward and jerked me back behind him. I could tell by the set of his shoulders that he was tense and his breathing was fast and hard.

He looked back over his shoulder and caught my gaze for a moment before turning around to face me fully. He reached a hand out and wrapped it around my upper arm, pulling me slightly closer to him. His light gray eyes had darkened to pewter and he was flushed. My eyes widened when I saw him glance up and down my body as if searching for something. Satisfied that all was well, he looked back into my eyes.

“Never mess with his food bowl, Aislinn.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before opening them again and staring into mine with intensity. “I should have explained this last night. Zver’s very protective of his food. We’re lucky this time; I can’t guarantee next time. Please, if you feed him, just put it in the bowl and back away, ok?”

I nodded, a little bit fearful. Then I remembered that the dog wouldn’t eat. “I told him to sit and put the food in his bowl, but he wouldn’t take it. That’s why I picked up the bowl.” I watched as he lifted a shaking hand and scrubbed it over his face. He still hadn’t let me go and the warmth it was causing was getting distracting, but I made myself focus. “Why wouldn’t he start eating?”

“He has to be told that he can. If he isn’t given permission he could get frustrated and desperate and might attack for it.” He looked over his shoulder. “Zver!” I watched as the dog looked at him from where he was still seated. “Yest!” At that, the dog all but pounced on his food bowl and began devouring his chili.

“I’m sorry, Teagan. I didn’t know.” His hand slowly slid down my arm until he got to my wrist and I shivered slightly, blushing.

He sighed, shaking his head. “It’s my fault. I should have remembered to say something last night.” He paused and then grinned. “You told him to sit, huh?”

I nodded, proud of myself. “Yup! I couldn’t believe I actually remembered the word you use.”

Teagan chuckled. “Yeah. Good job. I’m just surprised he listened to you. He won’t do a damn thing Connor says.” He looked over my shoulder and grinned at my brother, who was still standing behind me in the doorway.

I turned to make a comment about that new bit of knowledge only to find that Connor wasn’t paying any attention to mine and Teagan’s exchange. Instead, he was staring at the table where Penny was sitting, frozen, watching scene that had just unfolded between me, Teagan and Zver. She looked at me and swallowed hard.

“Oh-kay.” She said slowly. “So… that was intense. Yet another reason I don’t want a dog.” Shaking herself out of her state, she turned her attention over to Connor and wide grin came over here face. “Hey, Connor!”

I watched with a great deal of fascination as Connor opened his mouth to speak, closed it and then repeated the process. This was interesting. He never had a problem talking to Penny before. Actually, to be honest, he’d never had a problem taunting the ever loving shit out of her before. There was no talking involved. But then, Penny had changed a lot over the past two years since he’d last seen her. It made one wonder.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt a squeeze on my arm and looked to see Teagan watching me. I bit my lip and fought the blush I knew was coming. I really needed to get a handle on this; I was getting tired of blushing every time I came within twenty feet of this guy. I raised an eyebrow, silently asking what he needed.

He leaned down and quietly whispered in my ear, “I thought they didn’t get along?”

Dear sweet mother in heaven, it took everything I possessed not to let out a groan when I felt his warm breath washed over my ear. I looked at his shoulder and noticed the sweat glistening on his skin. Neither of them had showered yet. Teagan could have smelled like 10 day old nasty gym socks and I wouldn’t have noticed at that moment. I did, however, force myself to pay attention to the conversation.

“They don’t.” I was confused. I wasn’t sure what was going on here. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Teagan give a smirk. “What?”

He just shook his head. He pointed to the table and said, “I guess that’s a new way of showing it, then.”

I furrowed my brow and looked at where he was pointing and my jaw dropped. Penny and Connor were sitting next to each other, laughing! They weren’t fighting. They weren’t calling each other names. They were talking; Connor was smiling and Penny was blushing.

What. The. Hell?

“I’m going to go on and take a shower. Let Connor know I’ll be done in a few, ok?” Teagan gave my arm another squeeze and I nodded, struck mute as thoughts of naked Teagan with water running over golden skin and muscles danced through my mind. Cue the blush. I suspect that Teagan knew something was up when he gave me a grin and then turned and left the kitchen.

________________________________________

Watching the trees pass by as we drove down the highway I sighed quietly; we were almost to the lake. The past two hours had been a lesson in patience. I was very nearly out of it. Every time she got a chance, Penny would lean to me in the back seat and whisper about how gorgeous “your Teeg” was. The count so far was up to sixteen and every time I had shoved her away with an eye roll and a blush. I think I’ll add an elbow if she tries it again.

After tormenting me, my best friend would then push herself between the two front seats and flirt outrageously with Connor. My brother in turn teased her mercilessly. About an hour into the trip I came to a realization I wasn’t sure how to process yet. He wasn’t being mean to her! Unlike how he usually tormented her, he was flirting with her this time. He liked her! That’s when I finally understood the significance of the scene between the two of them in the kitchen this morning. He hadn’t seen her in nearly two years and when he walked into the kitchen and saw her his jaw dropped and he’d stuttered hello like a goofy high school freshman. Penny had changed and it appeared that Connor liked it.

Feeling eyes on me, I glanced up and saw Teagan looking at me in the rearview mirror. He flashed me a grin and looked back to the road. I felt hot moist breath on my neck and I looked back at Zver, smiling as he panted, his head hanging over the seat. The bulk of his body nearly filled the cargo area of the SUV.

“Is he bothering you, Ash?”

I looked up and saw that Teagan was glancing over his shoulder at me. I smiled at him and shook my head no, reaching back to pat the dog. Zver let out a happy canine whine and Teagan flashed another grin. “I take that as a ‘no’, then?”

I shook my head. “Nah, he’s fine. We’ve come to an agreement, I think.” I rubbed behind Zver’s ears and he licked his chops before going back to his panting. “We’re good here.”

He nodded. “Ok. I think I’m going to teach you his commands, though.” He paused before glancing over at Connor. He shrugged and continued. “I have a feeling he’ll listen to you.”

Before I could respond to that statement, the sign for the lake turn off came up. I felt my nerves erupt once again. I was going to be around Connor’s friends and their girlfriends. This was going to be a day of hell and torture. Penny sat back and peered at me before reaching over and taking my hand. Looking at her, I saw the encouragement in her eyes and took a deep breath. I know I could do this. It wasn’t like I’d never been faced with a hard situation before.

Pulling into the dirt parking lot, I observed that this was more than just a little ‘get together’. I was fairly certain that everyone that Connor had ever met in his life was at the lake. There were three picnic pavilions taken over and people milled about all over the place. I steeled myself and climbed out of the SUV. I reached back in for my bag and froze when I heard Connor swear. I pulled myself out, bag in hand and looked at him.

“What?”

He ran a hand through his hair in agitation. “Well Holden is here.” He glanced at Penny who frowned in confusion.

“Ok. I’m not seeing the problem here.” I stated.

“It looks like he brought his little brother with him.”

Penny and I quickly looked at each other and then began scanning the area. The dread began building in my stomach. Brody never travelled alone. Ever.

“Aw, shit!” I jumped at Penny’s outburst. All three of us turned and looked at her, questioningly. She jerked her chin in the direction of the dock. I looked and took a step back, crashing into Teagan who grabbed me by the shoulders.

He leaned down, mouth close to my ear. “What’s wrong?” The words were spoken low, hot breath causing shivers to race through me. I took a deep breath and turned my head so that my cheek brushed his slightly, causing sparks to race from the spot to the rest of my body.

“Tracey Banco is here.”