Too Proud to Breathe

I tried to steer clear of everyone the rest of the day, including Tanisha. I know it sounds stupid but my embarrassment has got the better of me. Countless questions were running through my head, but the one that stopped me sprinting off to Tan is 'what if Tanisha also thinks it was silly and pathetic for me to have been pining over Taylor, who obviously could not love someone like me'. A small sense of resentment was also thrust towards Tanisha in my head. If only she had not introduced me to Taylor than none of this would be happening.

I know this is the wrong things to be thinking about my best friend, but I just needed someone to blame, if only for a few hours. I knew deep down it was actually all down to my own stupidity yet I wasn’t willing to let myself accept this answer yet.

That’s why I went to the library at lunch instead of to the canteen. I needed some quality alone time to think about what I was going to do next and a library was just the right place for that.

I loved books with a passion. There wasn’t one book I could not read. Everything enthralled me: fiction, history, fact. My father used to read to me every night when I was younger, the gentle booming of his voice as he spoke each word from the book had been my own secret lullaby, lulling me till I was in my own land of dreams. The connection between books and my father still helps me to feel he's around me, watching me whilst I read a giant documental book about 'The history of Slavery', or delve into the fantasy that is Harry Potter. Or the more current book of '1984' which I was reading when I felt a slow, gentle tap on my shoulder.

My body turned round to face a girl with which everyone knew.

"Excuse me," her dominating voice rang out around me, although her voice was only a little above a whisper. "I know who you are, you're Keyleigh. Hi, I'm Laura. I heard about the whole Taylor thing and don't let it get you down. Their kind are all just jerks, fuck the lot of them is what I say. But yeah, I'm always here if you need a chat." Then she quickly returned to her normal position and continued to read her book. A stunned silence took over my body.

It was very weird seeing Laura in the library. She was one of those girls that normally would be found with the rest of the 'slackers'. She drank, went to parties regularly and had a bad reputation as a whore for all the men she had had sex with. Yet many wanted to be her friend, but feared her at the same time. I thought carefully about what she'd said, and knew that she was someone I could go to, to talk to with all judgement aside because, well, she had been through most of it.

As the end of the day drew on, anticipation and sheer fear had me nailed to my seat. The note that was in my locker was so cryptic, what was it that this mystery person wanted to show me? What if it was a trap, a ploy to lure me away from other people to do something gruesome to me? My mind ticked over the possibilities and the last few seconds of school ticked by and I found myself making my way towards the back of the bike sheds.

When I had arrived, no-one was present and I waited in the shadows that were always blocking peoples view from the bike sheds. The steady sound of the 'click', 'click', 'click' of heels was growing louder and closer.

'Click', 'click', 'click'.

It wasn’t long till the girl with the heels was right in front of me, until Taylor's friend Elise was in front of me. I wanted to turn and run, the idea that this person had come to ridicule me as well made the embarrassment resurface. As I turned to leave, Elise's hand came into contact with my shoulder and brought me back around to face her.

"Look, Keyleigh, I know I am not who you want to see right now. And I most certainly did not come to rub it in your face about Taylor and Stacey. But I needed to show you something. It's important."

"O-okay, just show me." I stuttered out. Insert name stuck her hand in her bag and pulled out her phone. After about 20 seconds of her continually clicking buttons, she faced the phone towards me and pressed 'play'.

A video started playing. At first there was nothing but blackness and loud music with shouting, then the picture started to appear. There were two figures, semi-hidden by the shadows under the stair case. I instantly remembered the figures identities and the place which they were; it was Taylor and Stacey at the party at mine last night. I didn’t want to carry on watching but my eyes wouldn’t stray away from the scene that was playing before my eyes.

It appeared that Stacey and Taylor were talking about something, Stacey's lips moving every now and then to form words, her face in a small, happy smile. However, Taylor's back was towards the camera and so it was hard to see his facial expression but his hands were flying out at his sides every now and then. A smile came to my lips, maybe this was proof that there was nothing going on between them, I thought. Yet my mind was quickly changed when the words "I love you" were shouted just loud enough to be heard by the camera. My mouth feel open in shock, as the two carried on with their conversation. I tried turning up the volume but I still could only hear mumbles coming from their mouths over the music.

Suddenly their lips locked together and Taylor was moved around, so his back was against the wall. They attached their lips again and Taylor's hands found their way to Stacey's hips as hers started playing with his hair. Stacey pulled away and muttered something in his ear, then pulled him away seductively up the stairs.

The video screen went blank, my mind along with it.