So Far Away

*Syn's P.O.V.*

The new day already has begun and I was curled up on my bed watching out of the window. I was still pretty devastated about the death of my best friend Jimmy but last night’s dream was giving me hope that there was some piece of him inside of me. Usually I don’t remember any of my dreams but that one felt also so real, like Jimmy really wrapped his arms around me to pull me tighter to himself. The feeling that everything was alright and this would be just a nightmare. If I just had one wish it would be to turn back the time and make everything a little different. Maybe I could have rescued my best friend from his early death.
Another check on my mobile told me that Matt kept trying to call me. People were probably missing me, maybe even asking themselves if everything was alright just to eliminate the idea that the same thing happened to me. I owned them a call I knew that but then they knew where I was. Did I really want to take the risk by calling them and letting them know where I was?!
As much as I liked them but I decided to be on my own and I didn’t want to break that rule. Not yet.

As soon as I turned on my back again I was clearly hearing his voice inside of me. I remembered our last conversation that we’ve had on the phone, one day before he died. We made plans for our New Years Eve party for Las Vegas. It already became to our yearly routine to celebrate it at that place, playing in several casinos and getting drunk. I always looked up to him because he knew how to enjoy the life to the fullest. Jimmy never thought about tomorrow or about any consequence his actions would bring, he was living every second as it would be his last. And what was I doing? I was getting the next plane out of California to go to Manchester to hide my little ass at this place. A cowardly person that couldn’t face the reality and rather stay with my friends who suffered the same as I probably did.

‘Get off the bed, man’ I suddenly heard Jimmy’s voice from behind the door.

I was dreaming right?! How could he be here when he was just buried a few days ago? Still a little bit in trance I went to the door, opened it slowly, expecting anyone behind but there was no one. No Jimmy or any other person that could have said these words.
Fine. Now I was completely going insane. I was hearing voices that were non-existing. I was about to close the door when my stomach rumbled. The last food I’ve had was at the plane and that wasn’t really the best. I never had been a huge fan from all the food at the plane. So I checked the time and noticed that the hotel was still offering their breakfast buffet. Even I wasn’t feeling hungry, instead of my stomach that had a different opinion to that, I went downstairs to eat something at least.

“Morning Mr. Haner” a girl voice came from behind.

Quickly I turned around because I was expecting any of my friends which was awkward because none of them would call me ‘Mr Haner’. I saw the lovely lady from the reception last night smiling brightly at me. She was spreading so much harmony and happiness.

“Morning” I answered without sounding rude.

“Do you want coffee to your breakfast?”

“Yes” I nodded and sat down at a table that was placed on the window.

Just a few minutes later she was coming back with the same enthusiastic smile as before. She better share that wonderful mood with me.

“I don’t want you to bother too much, Mr. Haner. But I see that you don’t seem to feel good since you came here last night but I want you to know is that every cloud has a silver lining. I know it must sound stupid but life goes on” she patted my shoulder.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure. Shoot.”

“I have a friend that lost one of his best friends from one day to another. Now he is feeling all devastated, sitting at home and ignores all the calls from his friends. Is that the wrong way?”

“I would suggest this friend to call a friend. A problem shared is a problem halved. Keep that in mind” she winked at me before she was leaving me to serve other people.

She was right, I think. I don’t know how longer I could ignore all his calls and messages.

“And why don’t you tell your friend that he even can call his friends with a withheld phone number” she passed the table quickly.

That girl probably was a little smarty pants. It was pretty old when someone started ‘I have a friend …’. Most of the people were talking about their own problems and just try to disguise it this way. At least she was trying to help me out of this misery.
As soon as I was finished with my scrambled eggs and coffee I would go back into my room to make the final call.

~*~

I was about to go to the elevator when I saw the girl at the reception with some people from the press. First she seemed so sweet and about to help me and now she was calling the press?! From all the possibilities those were the ones that I least expected.

“We’ve got the information that the lead guitarist from Avenged Sevenfold is at this hotel? We really would like to pay him a visit to ask him a few question.”

“I’m sorry Mister. I really have no idea what you are talking about. We accommodate only managers and people from companies. I can’t remember a time we’ve had any musicians in our hotel.”

I seemed to be wrong. But how does the press know where I was when no one knew about my disposition. I was still standing behind the wall watching for a sign to leave to the elevator to make my way upstairs without being noticed.

Since the press guy still didn’t want to leave the girl seemed to have got another idea and was probably showing the guy the hotel. That was my sign. I was running to the elevator, pressed the right button and the door closed. I wasn’t really amused about the idea that the press seemed to know about my stay and I could probably imagine why they were looking for me. I might haven’t been in touch with my friends but I saw the post on our social network about the death of our drummer Jimmy. Now everyone knew this they would be waiting around every corner to ask questions over questions.
Finally I had reached my room, opened up the door and was taking a long deep breath. I’ve made the decision to call Matt but I was afraid about his questions. I didn’t like to give him answers why I was leaving the day without leaving a note or giving them at least a sign that I was alright. Maybe Matt wasn’t that kind of guy that put a lot of pressure on someone but in that kind of mood I expected everything. Even when I was looking into the mirror I didn’t see a Brian Haner Jr. I was seeing a guy with dark under-eye circles, pale and hair that was looking like a mess. Just my identify card was reminding me who I really was.
I was taking the phone out of my pocket and dialed his number. A few seconds passed until I heard his sleepy voice at the other end.

“Who’s there?” Matt answered the phone.

Not really knowing what to say I remained quiet. Should I really start with ‘Hey Matt, it’s me Brian. Do you remember me? The guy that suddenly disappeared after the funeral and ignored all your messages.’

“Hello?” he repeated a bit louder with more anger in his voice.

I really forgot the time difference. It was probably in the middle of the night and we all knew how Matt hated it when you called him when he was already sleeping.

“Hi” I said really quiet but hearable for him.

“Brian? Is that you?”

“Yes. Look Matt, I’m sorry that I really called you in the middle of the night. I really didn’t do that to make you angry or something” I stuttered without really thinking “I feel sorry that I ignored all your tries to reach me and I’m sorry for leaving you all alone that day but I just needed some time for my time. I’m wrong I still do. I just want to tell you I’m fine and you all don’t need to worry about me.”

“Where are you buddy? We have been looking for you.”

He seemed anxious and that was a little relief that he wasn’t angry about me leaving. I had expected the worst but quite the opposite happened: he seemed really calm on the phone.

“I don’t want to tell you. I just need right now space for myself, to think and make decisions. I will let you know when I will come back.”

“Brian, there’s a reason why I was trying to reach you. We finally got the results about the tests they did after Jimmy’s death.”

My heart skipped a beat. I just wanted to let him know that I was alright and now he mentioned Jimmy’s death again. Did I really want to know what they had found out? He was death. No one in this would change that for fucks sake unless they invited a time machine. So much I wanted to know the truth I just hang up. I couldn’t face the cold heart reality right now. The time wasn’t right. Not yet.