Chemo

If I had to describe myself it would probably be a mixture of video games, black coffee, and a punk rock playlist.

Admittedly, I spent more time with a controller in my hands than a book in my face, but that's what I had Mads for. She wasn't a straight A student due to her frustration with calculus, but copying her World History homework helped me pass. Finishing my cup of coffee, I set it in the sink before calling a goodbye to my mother and leaving through the front door.

Mads was leaning against my mother's SUV toying with the bracelets on her wrists. She had this ridiculous obsession with the Kandi bracelets from the 90s and often looked like a blonde Lisa Frank model that listened to way too much Nirvana and took acid. She looked up at me and pushed off my mother's car. We began to walk down the sidewalk, to the city bus stop.

"I should get a grill," Mads spoke after a few moments of silence.

"You don't cook."

She rolled her light blue eyes, "no! A mouth grill! For your teeth!"

I laughed and shook my head. She was obviously joking; she was so ecstatic when her braces finally came off that she wouldn't willingly put anything back on her teeth.

Grinning, she elbowed me lightly and looked up at me, "I hate riding the city bus. It's so dirty."

"You sound like the rich bitch you are," I retorted.

She wrinkled her lightly freckled nose. Her father was head of the History department at the University of Chicago and her mother was an author. They made great money, but didn't take more than needed. Her parents didn't live in a super expensive house or drive fancy cars; they wouldn't hand everything to their children, either. If Mads wanted a car, she would have to work for it; her father agreed to match whatever she made, but so far she spent most of her money on clothing or shoes.

"You should just ride a bike," I continued.

She narrowed her eyes and punched my upper arm, "Shut up, Drake! You know I can't ride a bike."

I rubbed my arm and laughed, "that's right! You had no childhood."

Mads huffed as we came to the bus stop. It soon pulled up and we climbed on. It was relatively early, so it wasn't that crowded. We sat next to each other and I leaned my head against the back of my seat before yawning.

"Late night?" She asked and I shook my head.

"No, but it sure as hell feels like one," I answered, "I had three cups of coffee this morning."

Mads ran her hand over my dark brown hair and rested it on my forehead, before mumbling that I felt a little warm.

"Maybe I'm about to get a cold or something," I muttered.

She shrugged and we rode the rest of the way in relative silence. We climbed off at the stop a block away from the school and walked slowly the rest of the way. Entering the building, we separated to go to our lockers before meeting up in homeroom.

She leaned against my desk, talking to our friend, Landon, about something her cats did the previous night while the class was waiting for our teacher and the remainder of the students to enter. A few more people dribbled in, including Mrs. Peck, and the late bell rang loudly.

"Madeline," Mrs. Peck spoke, "please return to your seat."

Mads rolled her eyes before walking to her seat on the other side of the classroom and plopping down. Mrs. Peck read off the announcements and took attendance. She was also the English teacher for the next period, so no one left her room when the bell rang. She taught on Maya Angelou and read off some of her poetry. There were only six weeks left of class, and she mentioned that this would be on our exams. I doodled in my notebook nonetheless. Mads would give me her notes later, so I focused on keeping myself awake.

††††

The day passed slowly, but I was relieved when the end finally rolled around. I walked out the front doors with Mads and Landon. Our bus didn't run for another forty-five minutes, so Landon stood with us at the stop.

After a little while, Mads furrowed her eyebrows and looked at me. "Your nose is bleeding!" She exclaimed in shock and looked at Landon, pointing to the McDonalds behind us, "go get him some tissues!"

I touched my fingers to my nose and there was blood droplets on them. "Not again," I mumbled.

"Not again?" Mads asked, "has this been happening often?"

I shrugged and Landon raced back with the tissues in his hand. I held them to my nose as it began to seep out more aggressively. Tilting my head back, I closed my eyes and waited for it to pass.

Mads wrung her hands nervously and checked her phone, "the bus will be here soon."

"It is just a nose, Madeline," Landon spoke. I nodded in agreement as she sighed.

The bus pulled up as my bleeding came to an end. We waved goodbye to Landon and took our seats.

"Have you told your parents about that?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes, "no. Why should I?"

"That could be serious, Drake!" She hissed.

"You got a bloody nose and it turned out to be anemia," I mumbled.

She huffed, "Justin hit me in the face with a book. My nose didn't just bleed for no reason."

Shrugging, I turned my gaze forward.

"Just mention it, Drake," she whispered, "I'm serious."

††††

It had been four days since my nosebleed with Mads and she finally forced me to tell my parents about how often I've been getting these nosebleeds. They made an appointment for the doctor and I wasn't too happy about it. Sitting in a waiting room with a bunch of sick children wasn't how I wanted to spend my Saturday.

'Fucking Madeline,' I thought bitterly.

"Drake O'Riley," the nurse called and I stood up with my mother.

The pretty nurse led us down a hallway and did the usual procedure. She weighed me, took my height, checked my blood pressure, and took my temperature.

"99.3," the nurse spoke quietly, "he has a slight fever."

My mom nodded and we entered a room. "The doctor will be with you shortly," the nurse said with a smile before leaving and closing the door behind her.

My mother paced anxiously and rubbed her hands together. I kicked my feet back and forth on the table as I watched her.

"Let's play I Spy," I suggested with a smile, knowing it would make her feel better, "like we used to." She smiled lightly, her dark brown eyes showing slight crows feet.

"I spy with my little eye..." I began.

We played until Doctor Samuels entered the room. He looked over my chart and asked me questions. I answered honestly and glanced at my mother who was biting her thumbnail. He felt around my neck and stomach, asking me if anything felt tender.

"We're going to do a blood test," he explained, "the results will take a day, but I also want to do a chest x-ray." My mother nodded and Doctor Samuels exited.

The pretty nurse from earlier entered with needles and test tubes. I looked at my mother, trying to keep the tears out of my eyes. She reached over and held my hand tightly; she knew about my fear of needles. The nurse drew a couple of tubes of blood and I held my breath.

"Now come with me for the x-ray," she said.

I slid off the table and followed her out of the room. We walked down the hall in silence before we entered the x-ray room.

"Take your shirt and any jewelry off and stand right here," she explained, "when I tell you, hold your breath." Following her instructions, I stood where she told me.

She had me hold my breath three times before she handed me my clothing and necklace again.

"You can go back to your room now."

I nodded and quickly left. My mom looked up as I entered the room and pointed to my phone on the examining table.

"It was buzzing."

Picking up my iPhone, I unlocked it and glanced at my messages.

'How is everything going?' Mads wrote.

I responded with a simple 'fine' before placing my phone down again.

††††

"Hello, darling," my mother said as she entered my room.

I paused my current session of Call of Duty and looked at her, "hey, mom."

She took a seat on my bed and ran her hand through her dark blonde hair. "I got your test results from yesterday."

Nodding, I waited for her to continue.

"You are going to have a bone marrow aspiration and biopsy tomorrow," she finished.

"Bone marrow?"

She nodded, "they said that they'll go in your hip and take some of your marrow and a small piece of bone."

"Surgery?" I asked.

"No. It's done with a needle," she answered.

I sucked in a deep breath and she ran her hand over my hair.

"You'll be on all kinds of drugs so you'll have no idea what is going on."

"Why are they doing this?"

She shifted slightly and pulled me into a comforting hug, "it might be leukemia."

I froze and held tightly onto her. Leukemia? How? Why? I don't want to die. I'm not ready to die.

I pulled away after a few minutes and looked at my mother. "Mads got off work a little bit ago," I mumbled, "I want to go see her."

She nodded, "I love you."

"I love you too," I said as she left my room. Pulling on a shirt, I searched for my converse before exiting. Mads lived across the street and I knocked on the Collins family door. Her older brother, Justin, opened the door and grinned at me.

"Hey, Drake." I smiled weakly at him, "is Mads here?"

"Yeah," Justin responded, "I'll tell her to come down since you know the rules."

Laughing weakly, I sat on the porch swing and waited. Mads' family was strict on rules about opposite sexes in the house since her older sister ended up pregnant at seventeen. The door opened and I turned around to see her. Her long blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun and her makeup was smeared; she had definitely been sleeping.

She quickly took a seat next to me and scanned my face. "What's wrong?"

"It might be cancer," I said bluntly. It was better to get it out in the open quickly.

"For you?" She asked and I nodded. She listened intently as I recapped what happened at the doctor and what my mother told me. When I finished, she wrapped her arms around me. I relaxed into the hug, needing the comfort from my closest friend.

††††

The test had gone well; they used anesthetic so I had no idea what was going on while they removed bone marrow. The results would take a few days and I was off of school indefinitely, so I laid around the house due to my sore hip.

It was Wednesday when we were called into the pediatric oncologist's office for the results. My father had taken off work and I sat in between them as the doctor flipped through my files.

"The results were...not good," Doctor McDonald, or Doctor Mac as he preferred, said with a sigh.

"It is Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia- ALL," he continued.

My mother's lip trembled and tears filled my father's eyes, but both held their emotions together.

"What does this mean? What treatments are you going to do?" My father questioned.

Doctor Mac shifted slightly, "due to Drake's age and white blood cell count he's a high risk which would require more anticancer drugs. We would usually set up a three part plan to treat ALL."

"What is the plan?" My father asked.

"Step one would be combination chemotherapy," Doctor Mac explained, "we would then move into the second phase, which would kill any leftover cancer cells that could cause relapse. The final step would be to keep the cancer away. The exact medications for the last two steps would be decided once the chemo is almost complete."

I could tell my father was holding his emotions back. I'm his only blood child since my older sister is from my mom's first marriage, and he doesn't want me to be sick. My mother's shoulders shook lightly as silent sobs wracked her body.

"When do I start chemo?" I asked.

"I would suggest as soon as you are able," he responded, "it is imperative that you begin this right away."

I looked at both of my parents. Their faces held pure anguish and I realized that these past few days I had been wrong.

It wasn't me who needed my parents to be strong for myself.

They needed me to be strong for them.