Tied Together With a Smile

It had been a 2 weeks, life was getting worse and worse. If I walked anywhere near Scout, if she even see’s me, she would call out and make fun of me. The worst part is, it isn’t just her, a few girls in my year have started to go along with it and I am finding it hard to escape. Who would have thought that a school for creative arts would be such a horrible place for me? I love music, I love dancing, they are usually my escape from everything, but now I am starting to find no joy in them. How could this happen? One simple mistake, one simple bump and a bunch of girls around me start to make my life a living hell.

I look at myself in the mirror. I miss home, I miss my dance teacher, and I miss my old friends. I miss everything back home, why did I have to come here? I hadn’t talked to my parents in a few days. It’s not like I would tell them what is happening. I don’t want them to worry; they already have a lot to worry about. They don’t need a messed up child who is in love with a guy whose girlfriend is a bitch. Did I really just think that? Love? How can it be love, I am only 12. Maybe they are right; maybe I am too young to know what love is.

I grab my favourite shirt and jeans, pulling them on and then opening the curtains. I see him sitting on his bed writing. My heart starts to flutter and my knees go weak. Maybe they are wrong? I look over to his bass guitar in the corner of his room, then back to him and his eyes are staring at me. He smiles and then writes something on a piece of paper then holds it up. ‘You okay?’

I read it and smile nodding my head then I grab a piece of paper and reply. ‘Yeah, life is a little stressful though’ I hold it up and I see him look down at the ground. He looked confused, maybe hurt?

‘I’m sorry Scout is mean to you, she is just jealous,’ He replies, now that makes me smile. But now I am confused. What is she jealous of? I am struggling with life. In love with a guy who she loves! I am an average singer/pianist and she is an amazing actress.

‘What is she jealous of?’ I write down and then as I go to hold it up I see him get up and grab his stuff and he waves goodbye before leaving. I look down at the sign and I feel tears start to sting at the corners of my eyes. I am nothing compared to them, and I always will be.

I grab my messenger back and my guitar then head down stairs. “I hope your performance goes well tonight, love,” My aunt says as I walk into the kitchen. I look up and smile at her. That is right, my performance is tonight.

“I hope it goes well too!” I say as I walk over and give her a hug goodbye.

“Are you not having any breakfast? You aren’t running late?” She asks and I look over to her and uncle. Breakfast does look nice.

“No thank you, my nerves are going crazy!” I say, that was a lie. I really did not feel like eating. My stomach was tied in knots, and it wasn’t the performance causing it. It was the thought of going to school, being with the same people, going through that same shit, having the same people make fun of me. I am so worried that maybe one day, Abigail will realize how much of a loser I am, and she will leave me too.

xXx

I walk in the stadium where the performance was going to be held tonight. I saw the beautiful stage being set up; a few of the girls in my class who pick on me were helping out. I look over and see my music teacher chatting to a few students, he looks over and sees me and calls out. I slowly make my way over blushing, I was so embarrassed. “Okay guys, this is Emma, she is an amazing pianist and has a beautiful voice!” He says and then continues on about how everything is going to go tonight. I look over and see Andy and a few guys make there was over. Mr Walker calls out to them as well and starts asking them if they had been practising.

Andy is in a school band and they were doing an original song tonight. Andy was playing bass, of course, he was amazing at it. I grin as I listen to them all converse, and for once I finally feel like I was fitting in. But of course that wouldn’t last long. Scout walks over, chin up high with a smug look on her face, she wraps her arm around Andy’s arm and starts talking, and gives me the occasional glare.

I leave the ground and take a seat away from everyone. I rest my head in my hands and watch from a distance. They all looked so happy, they all got along so well, and then there was me, the outsider. I notice Andy says something to the group, Scout looks unhappy and then I see him walking over to me. “Hey,” he says and takes a seat next to me.

“Hi,” I say quietly, still looking out over everyone else.

“Why don’t you come over and chat?” He asks and looks me in the eyes.

“I-I, I don’t really get along with the others,” I say then quickly look away from him and down to the ground. My hands were a little shaking, and my voice was cracking. I had never felt so alone before.

“Oh,” he says and then pauses. I could feel his eyes on me, his stare burns and I knew he was just trying to figure me out.

“Yeah, you should probably go and get ready,” I say trying to end the conversation. Not point in talking to me, I mean, I am just a loser compared to you.

“Oh yeah, well good luck,” He says and then gets up and heads back to the group. As he said good luck I could see pain in his eyes, I could hear pain in his voice. Why though?

xXx

My legs were weak, my voice shaking and I could hardly breathe. From where I was standing I could peer out through the curtains and see the crowd, I could see masses of students waiting for the performances of tonight. My legs felt so weak so I take a seat, trying to perform my vocal warm ups, but I felt sick. Butterflies, knots, hell I don’t know what was going on in my stomach, but I felt sick.

“Next up to the stage we have Emma Grey, a 6th grader who is here to perform an original song, please give a warm welcome to Emma!” Mr Walker says into the microphone and then walks out to the back and signals me to walk on stage.

I take a deep breath and stand up, making my way to the stage. He whispers good luck and turns and watches me. I carefully walk out, trying to be as confident as possible, but I wasn’t. I was nervous, I was scared. Imagine if I stuffed up? Imagine if I made a fool of myself. I could feel tears wanting to fall but I held them back as well as I could. I sit down on the seat; I take in a deep breath and turn to the crowd. Wow, there are a lot of students here.

“Hi, uh, I am Emma, and today I am going to perform a song I wrote called “Burning Tree.” I close my eyes and look over the piano, taking in a few deep breaths then I start to sing.

“Reality, smoking like a burning tree... Broken like a part of me, Lifeless like I seem to be
Perfect symmetry... All I want to be, all I need to see...” I take a deep breath and look out over the crowd; a lot of people were shocked, but most seemed to be enjoying it.

“Forgotten bitterly, silent sympathy... Like teardrops on the screen... Our fears destroy our dreams,” I sing the chorus, pouring my heart out into the lyrics. Every really seemed to be loving it! I continue singing, another verse, chorus then a little bridge leading to the last chorus. I slowly sing the last line, and then I hear everyone stand up, applause, lots and lots of applause! I stand up in amazement, they actually loved it!

“Thank you so much!” I say into the microphone before walking off stage. Mr Walker praises my performance and keeps the students entertained while the stage was set up for Andy’s band.

“Wow, you are a really good singer,” Andy says and gives me a hug.

“Thanks!” I say and laugh a little as I pull away and look out over all the students. I could feel my heart jumping, my knees going a little weak and butterflies going crazy in my chest.

“You are going to go places,” he says and smiles at me. I smile up at him, he actually thinks I am a good singer. “I gotta go though, bass to play and everything,” He says and walks off to get ready for going on stage. I run off to take my place amongst the other students, my friends congratulating me on my performance and I couldn’t help but smile.