Constant Headache

When I had finally made my way to the lobby of Jamie’s apartment building, every nerve in my body was near its breaking point. When I had called him earlier to confirm the address, he told me not to be intimidated by the building. He said he split the apartment with his brother because if he didn’t, there would be no way he could afford it. He noticed the frantic tone in my voice, the way I tried to back out of the date, the normal ‘someone like you shouldn’t bother with someone like me.’

“The only thing I want right now is to bother the hell out of you for as long as I can.”

His response rang through my head as I walked into the lobby, my hands tightening their grip around the bottle of wine I had purchased on the walk here. I could feel my fingertips growing cold from the loss of blood circulation. Eyes running around the lobby, I went to head toward the counter when a familiar deep voice boomed through the marble plated room.

“Ryder!” My head snapped to the left as my eyes fell on the tall brunette. His eyes were wide and shimmering under the bright lights. Watching him jog over to me, I parted my lips to speak but only let out a puff of air as he pressed my body against his frame and kissed the top of my head. Rocking me back and forth, I let the smell of his cologne and the warmth of his body relax every tense muscle in my body.

After what felt like days, Jamie took a step back and lifted his eyebrows. Plump lips parting, he went to speak when he pushed out a puff of air and then nervously ran his hand over the back of his neck, his eyes running all over me like I’d disappear any second. “You look stunning.”

The utter sincerity in his voice made my knees shake under me. The grip on the wine bottle grew tighter as I looked at the deep red pouring into his cheeks. I had never been treated this way, looked at this way, held in such high-regard by someone. I was a dead-beat, a liar, a user, an addict, a waste of a life to so many people. I had burned so many bridges, been tossed around so many times I forgot what it felt like to have someone care for you. To have someone be infatuated with you, for you, for everything you are, for even a moment.

I held back the urge to cry.

“You’re making me uncomfortable, Jay.” I breathed, my eyes widening as my mind produced a nickname I had never called him in my life. Biting down on my bottom lip, I went to speak when Jamie leaned into me and placed a tender kiss on my lips.

“That’s the cutest thing I have ever heard.” Jamie sent me a smile before grabbing the wine bottle from my hands. “Let’s head upstairs, I left the stove on.”

“Typical man.” I breathed and watched as Jamie jerked his head back and let out a howl of laughter. Chuckling along, I mindlessly pushed my fingers through his and followed him over to the line of elevators. Without hitting a button, the elevator doors opened. Peering into the stylish box, Jamie ushered me in and then stood next to me, using his foot to hit the 14th floor button.

“Classy, aren’t I?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me as the doors slid shut and the room started to hum.

Shaking my head, I rubbed my temple and then looked over at him. His torso was wrapped in a form-fitting grey sweater. It hit his chest perfectly, hugging his curves but still leaving some to the imagination. As he crossed his arms against his chest, I noticed the fabric clinging to the shape of his biceps. My eyes soaked them in, running over every contour. I don’t know if I had missed this or they weren’t as defined in his typical white tee, but they were absorbing every bit of my attention. So much so that when the doors slid open, I was unaware of him speaking to me or leading me out into the hallway.

“Earth to Ryder.”

“I was hanging on Jupiter.” I shot back as I looked up at him and watched a wide smile form on his lips. “I don’t know what happened.”

“This side of you is so peculiar,” Jamie admitted with a hesitant look. He was probably waiting for me to rip his head off. It was the only reasonable thing I would normally do, but for some reason, I couldn’t find it in me. I didn’t want to be rude, I didn’t want to fight.

I just wanted to shut my eyes and lean into him. I wanted his arms to wrap around me like two bulletproof walls. I wanted that feeling of safety that I had been longing for, for so long.

Snap out of it, Ryder. Not now. Don’t do this now. I begged as thoughts of my mother and brother started to flood my mind.

“Well, here it is. The humble Benn abode," Jamie pushed open the door to reveal a contemporary apartment. The furniture was stylish and new. The floors were sparkling under the lights, and it smelled strongly of some holiday-themed candles. Taking a few steps in, I looked around and then noticed the bright green jerseys hanging up on the walls.

Eyes widening, I sucked in a small breath and let the reality of who Jamie was crash over me. As math equations started to float through my brain, I nodded myself to a few times, completely ignoring the hurried words that were pouring from the brunettes mouth.

He was from Canada. His favorite sport was Hockey. He lived in a fancy apartment. He traveled for work. He was out late at night. Near the bar. The bar Stars players were notoriously known for. He never told me. He never once mentioned this.

The hum of Jamie’s worried words attempted to catch my attention, but instead I walked over to the walls, my mind running through memories of my family attending Stars games.

I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t feeling any differently about Jamie. He was still the same person, it just all made sense now. So much more sense.

“I need to tell my dad about this, he would shit himself.” I whispered as I ran my eyes over the frames on the walls and then turned back to Jamie. The brunettes eyes were the size of saucers as I lifted my eyebrows and tilted my head a little. My facial features shifted to inform Jamie I was ready for a fight. “I’m not impressed.” I deadpanned and then turned from him, kicking off my heels and walking over to a stool on the other side of the counter.

After a few seconds, I turned to him and watched him stand there, his eyes running over me as his fingers loosely held the fifty-something bottle of Cabernet. Rolling my eyes, I hopped off thee stool and walked up to him. Once I was close enough, I put my hand over his and moved his fingers so I could grab the wine bottle.

“Upset my panties didn’t drop?” I challenged.

Shaking his head, Jamie blinked a few times and then without a single warning crashed his lips against mine, his hands swiftly pulling the wine bottle from my hands and setting it on the small table near the door. Melting into the kiss, I pressed my body into him only to have his hands roughly grab the back of my thighs. Picking me up, he pressed me against the closest free wall and without hesitation pressed his lips to the sensitive skin under my ear.

Jerking my head back, I let out a soft moan and felt Jamie’s hips grind against my own. Shuttering at the feeling, I laced my fingers into his hair and pulled his face from my neck, my whole body shivering as I caught a glimpse of the hunger in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I was promised dinner?” I whispered with a smirk, my eyes never leaving his.

Growling, Jamie pressed his face into the side of my neck and gave the skin a playful bite before pulling away from me and grabbing the bottle of wine. Without a word, I followed him over to the kitchen where I sat back down on the stool and watched as he swiftly pulled a wine opener from the drawer. Within a minute, a fresh wine glass was sitting in front of me, the red liquid filled a little more than halfway.

We sat in silence for a little as we both sipped our own glasses of wine. The deep red that was masking Jamie’s cheeks eventually disappeared, but I could still feel the burning heat coming from between my thighs.

I was never one for sexual desires. I was stand-offish and okay that way. I was always preoccupied with school or personal vendettas to worry about sex. But now, after his lips on my skin, that soft growl, I was having a hard time shifting my brain onto any other topic.

Did I really want to sleep with him on the first date? Did I really want to speed this up between us?

What was even between us? What were we even doing? What was I even doing here? I didn’t even have a second thought about it. He invited me over and I said yes before it even processed in my brain.

What is this man doing to me?

“I’m sorry about that,” Jamie whispered after a few more minutes. He didn’t turn away from the stove to look at me. “I just… I get so many people that are normal and I lose them the second they see that jersey and… It was nice you still hated me.” The brunette confessed, a long sigh ending his words.

“I’ll always hate you, Jay.” I hummed, a shit-eating grin on my lips as he peered over at me. Sending him a wink, he shifted a little and softly chuckled to himself.

“I like the nickname.”

“Good, apparently my brain doesn’t feel like pronouncing your whole name anymore.” I shrugged, trying to calm the fire inside of me.

“Can I call you Rye, then?”

“Do you want to feel my knuckle bones against your teeth?”

“There’s my girl.” Jamie laughed as he turned to me, a huge smile on his face as he walked over to me and leaned against the other side of the counter. Sipping some wine, he set the glass down and then looked at me, directly into my eyes and nodded a little. “You’re a surprise every time.”

“I didn’t know you were into that,” I matched his tone and looked up at him from under my lashes. “Say the word and I’ll ‘drop the mitts, Jay.”

“I like when you call me Jay.”

“I like eating food.” I countered and watched as Jamie gave me a loving and amused smile before standing up and heading back over to the stove. As he stirred the pot a few more times, he turned back to me, the wooden spoon stained red still in his hand.

Inhaling he looked at me, “Are you always an asshole?”

“You can answer that question, Einstein.” I shot back and took a sip of wine, my heart racing. He knew I was kidding. He knew my attitude. He knew my words. He was playing with me.

He was just playing.

Worry washed over my face as I looked up at him. My heart was racing as I watched him move around the counter silently. Shaking my head a little, I leaned over the counter and pushed out a few nervous puffs of air. Every never in my body started to grow numb as I thought about him kicking me out. Sweat started to form on the back of my neck as I pictured his big brown eyes full of hurt. Reaching out, my fingertips brushed against the soft fabric of his sweater. As he paused, he looked down and then turned toward me.

A devilish smile was plastered on Jamie’s lips as his eyes locked onto mine. “I knew you had a heart.”

“You played me!” I shrieked as my hand slapped against my chest. “I was worried! I thought I hurt your feelings, Jamie! I-” I was frantic at this point, my eyes filling with water as I thought about losing this, thought about losing him.

What was I doing?

Shaking my head, I turned my body away from the kitchen and stood up, my heart racing as I came to the same realization I did the day he text me about this very date.

I was in love with him.

Breathing heavy, I looked around the room, trying to calm my nerves. As the room started to spin, I watched as Jamie walked up to me, a smile on his lips. “I love your attitude.” He whispered, his fingers tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear. “Breathe, remember the first day we met? You think I can’t handle this?”

“I hate you, Jamie Benn, for making me feel this way.” I hissed as I sat down and watched him chuckle. Leaning over, he pressed a kiss to my forehead and went back to the frying pan on the stove.

“You’re welcome, beautiful.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dinner was almost ready. Jamie had went far beyond expectations and made Chicken Parm with a side of broccoli sauteed with fresh garlic and olive oil. While we waited for the cheese to melt and the sauce to reheat on the stove top, I drilled Jamie with questions about hockey and let him in to a few of my more personal past secrets.

“So you’re telling me,” Jamie began as he stuck his pinky into the sauce pot. “You know how to play hockey?” He looked over at me as he put the tip of his pinky in his mouth and sucked the sauce off of it. Biting down on my bottom lip, I caught a glimpse of his surprised eyes as my cheeks turned a deep red. Blinking a few times, I grabbed my wine glass, swirling the deep red liquid around and then took a long sip.

I forgot how wine makes me feel some type of way

“My dad taught my brother and I when we were kids. I played in high school.”

“You can wheel, huh?” The brunette had his arms crossed against his chest, the sleeves of his sweater hugging his bulging muscles. It was hard for my eyes to stay in his as he stood there, this sly smirk playing on his lips. “I need to see this. Maybe I can bring you to practice one day?”

“Absolutely not,” I laughed as I took another sip from my glass. As I tilted my head back, I let my eyes soak in the brunette a few feet in front of me. The way he pinned me against the wall replayed over and over in my head. I could smell his cologne from hear. I could still feel his fingertips pressing into my thighs. I could still feel him pressing into me.

I could hear that deep growl echoing in my head.

Humming to myself, I looked down and went to adjust the long sleeved dress I had on for about the twentieth time when a large hand caught my own. “You look fine, stop.” Picking my hand from the fabric of my dress, he set my hand back down on the table and gave me a small smile. “You’re bugging me out. I’ve seen the bones in your knuckles.” Some pain finds its way into his words, but he rebounds quickly, “I’m already beyond impressed with every aspect of you.”

“Can’t you be rude to me,” I whined as Jamie let out a laugh and quickly shut off the oven. “I’m not used to feeling this way”

“Feeling…?” Jamie questioned as he pulled the tray from the oven and set it down in the center of the table. After going back for the broccoli and some bread, he shut the oven door and clicked a few buttons. After no response, he looked over at me and smirked. “Am I rendering you speechless now?”

The fire in my stomach started to burn again. I could feel the alcohol playing with the signals in my brain. I could feel my normal thoughts being suffocated. I knew coming into this I didn’t want to sleep with Jamie. I was scared of what would happen. I was scared of ruining this.

I was scared of him to see me. See my scars.
Grabbing my hand, he gave me a light tug. Standing up from the stool, I looked up at him and watched as his eyes held mine for a minute. Pulling me into a hug, he set a gentle kiss against my ear.

“I love everything about you, stop worrying.” Jamie whispered, his hot breath soaking into my skin.

Shaking my head, I looked up at him and watched as he led me over to the table. Pulling the chair out for me, I felt my heart explode as I took in the candles on the table. Biting down on my lip, I took the napkin from his hands and set it down on my lap. After he pushed me into the table, he sat down in his chair and went to say something then I felt my nerves explode all over my skin.

“I love everything about you too.”